Denied access to step grandchild

So pleased for you Nannyengland. I hope you continue to enjoy the company of your grandson.
In my experience of dealing with a very similar situation, the controlling parent will use the child to manipulate and continue the control over other family members.
Be wary and keep notes and evidence. She may well suddenly stop contact again or make accusations as to how you cared for the baby.
Sorry to be negative but I know what I'm talking about.
In our case everything worked out well in the end but it was a bumpy ride.

Just wanted to update.

ss ex contacted him to ask him to have baby for the day very short notice which he couldn’t do as he was actually in hospital (minor op) so she asked if my OH could have baby instead - well he couldn’t as he was at work, so ss said if she was desperate then she could drop baby off to me ….. so she did!

Of course OH raced home from work early, unbeknown to ss ex, so we had baby the entire day ?

No idea why she needed someone to have baby for the day and neither do I care - we finally got to meet our grandchild!

Then today we were asked if we could have baby again tomorrow as she has a friends wedding to go to and doesn’t want to take baby due to hot weather. ss ex even said “I’m sure you’d love more nanny snuggles” ?

ss is staying with us at the moment after his operation so it’s an absolute win win. He will get to see his child but we will be here to do the rest (he is not very mobile at the moment) and baby is staying here overnight aswell.

ss ex has had the solicitors letter re access so we don’t know if this is the sudden change of heart or what it is.

I said to OH I deserve a medal for how polite and friendly I’ve been to baby’s mum knowing how horrible she’s been about me! But hoping now access to baby for ss and us gets easier.

Fingers and toes crossed - am so excited I can’t sleep !

I agree with Hithere.

Your SS need to get on the birth certificate and visitation/access etc.
Then she will have absolutely no say on who he can and cannot see.

Honestly, your ss should put your role as a grandparent in a temporary secondary position right now and dont even think about it
His rights as the father of the child take precedence and need to be addressed first

I'm sorry you are going through this Nannyengland and like crazyH I admire your husband for not wanting to see his new GC, your step GC unless you're also included.

The baby's father having to go through the legal system to see his own child, shows how controlling and manipulative this woman is and IMO, it would be a mistake to give her a foot hold into your relationship with your OH, which by agreeing to her terms and conditions, would do.

"There are lots of men who are being ruled by these women because otherwise they would never see their children. This, in my opinion is psychological abuse or coercive control that a man would not get away with". Absolutely Grandma2213, I totally agree.

Nannyengland my heart goes out to you and all other families out there who are suffering in this way. I am in a similar situation as my DS has been denied access too. My worry is the power that some of these women now have. DS has been blocked from contacting her even when pregnant. I won't go into too many details but she has 'allowed' a few visits when baby was born and even included his other children and myself which makes her look as if she is being reasonable and then blocked him again, contacting the police with unfounded allegations of harassment, and posting lies all over facebook. He has had no option but to go down the legal route and will never give up on his child. She clearly wants to drag out the process so that baby cannot bond with him. She now accuses him of drug abuse, totally untrue, but I guess as she cannot prove harassment this is going to make the process even more difficult while they investigate. Many of his friends have been in similar situations and some of them have tragically even taken their own lives. We, as a family have had to fight to keep him on an even keel and to be honest I would give up a relationship with this child if it would allow him to be the father, he wants to be.

Bibbity There are lots of men who are being ruled by these women because otherwise they would never see their children. This, in my opinion is psychological abuse or coercive control that a man would not get away with.

Your son needs to go to court and get a CAO. She does not have the power to dictate and of what she has.
He needs to stop bending to her will and face this head on.
What happens on his parenting time is his decision. Who he involves with his child is his decision. If she wanted total control she should’ve gone to a sperm bank.

Lolo81

What is SS’s view on all of this?

If he is in agreement that you’ll be included when custody/visitation is all sorted then I’d be inclined to encourage your OH to meet up.

That said, if SS has reservations about your involvement later on, then that’s a decision for you and OH to make as a couple.

stepson is as shocked as we are as to why she wants to exclude me esp as we welcomed her into our family when they were together and have been nothing but friendly towards her.

He absolutely wants me to be a grandparent to his child too, as he see’s how much our other grandchildren love being with us and how active and hands on we are with them.

His ex has previously commented what great grandparents we are too and how lucky they all were to have us, which is why it’s all so bizarre ?

crazyH

My ex-husband’s new wife is called “Nanny” by my grandchildren. I am also called “Nanny”. It hurt so much at the time. No one cared about my feelings. I am now used to it. If I had protested, I would have been the loser, because my ds.I.l. are very friendly with her. What hurts more is that my sons never objected to it. I admire your OH for standing up for you.

I’m sorry to hear that, it can be difficult can’t it.

Had my step children’s mother been active in their lives then maybe that situation would have been different but sadly she chose not to be.

Enjoy your grandchildren, it’s such a wonderful adventure ❤️

Hithere

I wouldn't push it at all now, it can make it worse for the father of the child.

Have your other half meet the baby by himself

Yes, we’ve been treading very gently as he’s only had 1 visit with baby himself in 2 months and we absolutely do not want to make that any worse.

mumofmadboys

I agree it is best for your DH to meet his GC. Just try and be relaxed about you being excluded and say nothing. Hopefully things will improve.

I will keep trying to convince him ?? I’m doing my upmost to stay calm about it all, it’s just so terribly sad when I/we have done nothing wrong or bad towards the baby’s mum

M0nica

Grandparents have no rights to have access to grandchildren. and your situation is not uncommon these days, we have had similar threads before.

But as I said grandparents have no rights, your contact with your grandchild will be when your step-son has the child with him and is happy to meet up with you.

Personally, I think this 'come as a package' idea when you have no rights anyway seems a bit of a waste. Encourage your DH to visit his grandchild, take photos and bring them back for both of you to look at and talk about.

Yes we are aware we have no rights as such, which seems shocking really but then our solicitor has already said that too many fathers are still fighting for access to their children, through no fault of their own, so I guess grandparents aren’t on any court’s priority ☹️

It does make us feel very grateful we have great relations with all our other children’s partners so at least our other grandchildren will never be taken away from us.

What is SS’s view on all of this?

If he is in agreement that you’ll be included when custody/visitation is all sorted then I’d be inclined to encourage your OH to meet up.

That said, if SS has reservations about your involvement later on, then that’s a decision for you and OH to make as a couple.

My ex-husband’s new wife is called “Nanny” by my grandchildren. I am also called “Nanny”. It hurt so much at the time. No one cared about my feelings. I am now used to it. If I had protested, I would have been the loser, because my ds.I.l. are very friendly with her. What hurts more is that my sons never objected to it. I admire your OH for standing up for you.

I wouldn't push it at all now, it can make it worse for the father of the child.

Have your other half meet the baby by himself

I agree it is best for your DH to meet his GC. Just try and be relaxed about you being excluded and say nothing. Hopefully things will improve.

Grandparents have no rights to have access to grandchildren. and your situation is not uncommon these days, we have had similar threads before.

But as I said grandparents have no rights, your contact with your grandchild will be when your step-son has the child with him and is happy to meet up with you.

Personally, I think this 'come as a package' idea when you have no rights anyway seems a bit of a waste. Encourage your DH to visit his grandchild, take photos and bring them back for both of you to look at and talk about.