Twinstar, I feel so sad for you. Unfortunately, she holds all the cards doesn't she? She is clearly terrified to let you in, even a tiny bit, but not sure what she fears will happen. Maybe she thinks it will give you too much "power", and that the little girl will have a bond with you. It seems she is trying to prevent this happening, which is just so sad. I think you need to have a conversation with your son, even though you are reluctant to do so. You could word it so that you have every sympathy with dil, even though deep down you don't, and tell him you see how the situation is. You understand a woman's bond with her own mother will always come first, but a little bit of contact for HIS mother would be lovely. You fear not having a relationship with your granddaughter which is understandable. Just say to your son, you can see that you will never be able to have a closeness with granddaughter as your dil doesn't see any value in it, and how sad it makes you. But stress you feel no animosity towards her, you understand its her mother first, but really she needs to know that your eyes are open regarding the situation. If you are not accusatory, she cannot pull the shutters up even more, because that would be admitting you are right in your reading of the situation.
I am so sad for you, but she needs to know you are hurting in some ways. If she has any shame, she will give you a little, if she doesn't shame on her. Good luck, lovely.
