Too much choice for the grandchildren?

Callistemon
How fortunate to have such an appreciative family
In my born and bred UK family any meal I had planned that for whatever reason did not take place met with 'Grrreat can we go down the chippy?

I don’t think young minds can cope with too many choices. Sadly some of the choices are socially unacceptable.

Miss Adventure
It was the same in our house! There often was no choice for meals, it was what it was and they were lucky to get that. If they didn't like it they went hungry!

Our boys usually had just one pair of shoes and a pair of wellies, only replaced when they grew out of them. I clearly remember walking eldest son (about 6 then) to the shops in his socks in the rain because he wouldn't put his wellies on. He learned from that.

Our young GCn don't get choices either when at our house, and it's the way their parents have brought them up, so no arguments from their parents. Of course as they get older it's a bit different. Though if they request something different for meals I'm not averse to telling them to make it themselves. They either do or they eat what's offered. We have one GC who is very picky about food but eats things at our house that he won't eat at home. When his mum asks why he says "because Nanny won't give me anything else"........

I often see parents arguing, cajoling and trying to reason with small children and I think 'for heavens sake, who's the parent here. Just tell them what you want them to do! I might be old fashioned but I wouldn't be manipulated by a three year old.

My parents couldn't afford to give 3 children multiple choices. It's done now because parents can afford it. Not all children have choices only ones with affluent parents.

Children should be given binary choices as demonstrated by Miss Adventure.

Too many choices and they become confused, parents become servants and children then lack the necessary socialisation for working harmoniously with authority.

When there were 3 of us, Mum would say, “Beach or park”. If you can’t agree we’ll stay home.
Dinner choice was ‘meat or no meat’. The same meal was served, just with or without meat.
I used both on my DC. Interestingly, one DD uses the same tactic for trips out with my DGC but is more au fait with vegetarian options when giving food choices.

My son is 23. He has SN and I remember so many of the people who worked with him made it all about choices. Some were minor things and that was fine - do you want to play with toy a or toy b. OthersbI was not so pleased with. Especially when I'd say something like "let's go to the lark" and he'd pipe up with "or?". But of course I was crafty. If you offered him a choice he would always go for the last option, so I would make sure that was my preferred option!!

I think it’s important to teach children how to make choices and then live with the consequences. My grandson is nearly four and we regularly give him a couple of options - would you rather go the beach or the adventure park, or would you like pasta bake or sausages for dinner type of thing. But too many choices and too much to choose from must be really overwhelming.

I have found the whole process of giving children too many choices defeats the purpose. One or tother choice is a good thing but my GD and her friends children are 7/8 now and were all brought up with choices and to my mind they are mini manipulators now. Telling their parents what they want. An example: 2 children on the phone [WhatsAp] my D says time for tea please come off the phone. She heard the reply from the other child saying "your mum is a bitch you don't have to do that. Just phone me later when she is not around." There have been other instances, too many to say but the bottom line for me is that the "modern parenting " is too lax in their methods when the child is young and leads to what I have seen, as impolite, obnoxious behaviour.

What if the parents didnt want to teach that training that you think the parents missed?

My house: my rules. If you don't like, or approve of the way that they're looked after or treated when in my house; take them home and look after them yourself.

Give choices by all means but don't forget in letting them make these choices so young it's also the parents responsibility to teach how to protect themselves against things they don't like or feel uncomfortable about. No point giving them silly responsibility like what colour clothes but not how to protect themselves from harm. Age appropriate of course.

That's for individual families to decide, not a blanket rule.

Classic

".I feel that its up to grandparents to pick up the bits of 'training' that parents miss"

What if the parents didnt want to teach that training that you think the parents missed?

Your statement above puts you on the category of parent when you are a grandparent - totally not your place.

Parenting is kinder these days. They don't expect their children to eat food they don't like, wear clothes they hate, or do activities they dislike. I'm all for treating children with love.

I do think too many choices can be stressful but just a pick from two options is ok . I have 5 sons and a stepson so meal choices we’re a nono - other than the take it or leave it option !

I am with you on this one, my GC get lots of choices and have become accustomed to getting what they want. When they stay with me, as I am on limited financial resourses, I give them limited choices. For instance, I had ice cream in the freezer, but every ice cream van GS saw he was hinting, so as a treat I said I would get them Mcflurry from MacDonald's, at 99p, reasonable. There were new flavours available at a dearer price, with smaller portions available, GS instantly asked for the dearer one, but didn't want the smaller portion, I explained we had gone there because he particularly liked the original one, which was cheaper, but he insisted he now wanted the dearer one, I gave him a choice, go home without or get the original 'favourite' we went for. I feel that its up to grandparents to pick up the bits of 'training' that parents miss. Don't jump on furniture, say please and thankyou and consider other peoples feelings and finances among them

Totaly agree with you MissA.
I did/do the very same,didn`t do my 2 sons any harm and i`m the same with my G/children just as my parents did with me and my siblings.

My GD, who’s 6, is going through a phase at the moment. She has to have 3/4 choice of knickers, socks, T-shirt and shorts when getting dressed. It’s lovely to see her making sure everything matches. However if we’re in a hurry it can be frustrating! It’s ok on school days as she wears a school uniform.

halfpint1

Feeding children is more about nutrition, or should be, could the ever growing child obesity problem be fuelled by the
'choices and decisions' now given to children.

Many children are carrying far too much weight which sadly will follow them into adult life

Giving a child a negative relationship with food has proven to significantly increase the risk of an eating disorder later in life.
This can take the form of both under and over eating.

Such things like forcing a child to eat something they don’t like or finishing the food in front of them is not healthy behaviour.

I was one of 4 children if we didn't want what mum had cooked we were told to do our own, and clear up afterwards.

Feeding children is more about nutrition, or should be, could the ever growing child obesity problem be fuelled by the
'choices and decisions' now given to children.

Many children are carrying far too much weight which sadly will follow them into adult life

We got a choice of our Saturday night tea, sometimes.
I don't feel particularly traumatised by it.

i only had 1 child and was not going to have anymore, i would give my son choices (early 90s) my son seldom wanted what my husband was having but would sit at the table with his dad, sometimes he would ask to try something, he would only get two choices. my son had to grow up very quickly, he was coming to work with me at the age of 6, helping me with the trolly going round the wards as his dad was in hospital for 7 months. he would help with the shopping and put the items in that he liked to eat, i think it is easier if it is just one child but my friend has 3 and she gives 2 choices for dinner at night, at weekends or holidays they get two choices of clothes to wear.

My DD panders to the 3 GC and lands up cooking so many different things each mealtime and then DH is given a choice. A lot of food is wasted too.

I can't remember that I ever gave my children a choice of food, or even consulting them on the dinner menu.
I prepared it, they ate it. Equally, I don't think they ever told me they didn't like certain foods.
The one thing I do regret is that they were brought up in the seventies and eighties, when so much food was pre prepared with additives, and came in boxes or packets, before the drive for healthy eating really took off.