Am I being too hard?

my parents would say don’t wrap them in cotton wool you will make them soft so If fell I would clean them up put sticky plaster on them and give a ice pop for them and friends to make them feel better and out there go. Now grandkids my sons and wife’s it’s should we take them to A&E. lol

I had sporty kids - so unless it meant a trip to A&E it was shake it off, or magic spray and get back to it.

So good to hear that times are changing from the past.

If we always help them when they cry:

then they'll never learn to calm on their own

then their brain will learn to effectively detect & respond to stress giving them the capability to self-regulate in the future.

With mine’ who are 10, 7 and 16 months we do ’shake it off’ song so it turns in to a giggle and off they go!

I save painkillers for when really injured, think bad swelling and pain. If there's blood a cleanup, germoline and a plaster- shake it off and off they go.
There's not much that keeps them off play or sports.

To be fair, your grandson is 12 and can make a decision about whether he can participate in the rugby or not. Only he knows how much pain he is in. I really don’t understand when children are in pain and they’re told they’re fine. No acknowledgement of the pain they’re in at all.

The most important thing here is that you don’t interfere, whatever your personal thoughts, unless it really is a very serious situation.
Your relationship with your son and family is the main thing.

Something doesn't quite fit here, does it?

You feel your son was mollycoddling his son, and I tend to agree from your description he was.

But mollycoddling and letting the boy play rugby just don't go together do they?

Give your son the benefit of the doubt here. Perhaps he wanted to make sure the child's hand would be better for rugby the following day.

I’m a little confused. Rugby fun day means he’d be playing? Or watching? I think playing rugby with an injured hand would be a really bad idea. It’s the quickest way to go from a minor short term injury to a long term serious injury.

Yes, generational views on bucking up have changed. Sometimes, this generation may be a little too accommodating. Most of the time, I think they’ve learned that the traditional advice to not cry and push through pain is unnecessary and even damaging. There’s nothing wrong with crying or treating pain with safe, easily available medication. Ignoring their pain or telling them it isn’t there doesn’t isn’t going make them stronger. Responding appropriately to them makes them feel more secure as adults. (That’s the theory of attachment parenting, anyway.) This generation is a lot more in tune with their own mental health and they see this paradigm different. Of course, it’s all about balance. The old ways tended to be too harsh, but you don’t want to be overly protective, either. Regardless, I’d say this is up to him and his wife.

When I was a child, I had to be bleeding out of my eyes or practically on my death bed to see the doctor/take a sick day from school. I was told I was fine and to stop whining. I’m glad current parents tend to listen to their children’s needs more and show them compassion.

Out if curiosity, would you feel any differently if this were a little girl?

Growing up on a farm in the 40s my mum had to be doctor. She didn’t drive, no phone, father out in the fields so any accidents had to be dealt with at home.
I remember her putting back a dislocated shoulder on my sister. Burns were always treated with a paste of bicarbonate of soda and a clean covering. Bitten tongues got a spoonful if sugar and she even made a splint for a broken arm, although she did ask a neighbour to take her and the wounded brother to hospital.
We were always getting ourselves into trouble and my mum just had to do the best she could. We survived.

Same here JaneJudge,up you get/you`ll live.

I think the fact that your son acted empathetically is very much to his credit. Men are so often expected to teach their boys to "man up" and pretend that they aren't feeling pain. Your son evidently realises that it's okay to show sympathy and concern, and that's a good message to pass on to his son.

Evidently a lot of people can remember brusque treatment from their own parents, but I don't think that they are examples we should emulate.

The way we parent is very much informed by instinct and learned experiences, both as a child and an adult.

If your son was soft with your GS, there’s a reason for that whether that comes from instinct or learned experience.

I think it’s a great think that he’s a loving and caring father.

It depends how he fell and what the situation with his hand was. I'd have checked it over and seen if anything needed doing. Otherwise just see how they go. Usually my young kids were good with it being kissed better.

I try to find a balance though. I remember falling on my hand and crying because it hurt so much. My mother was quite angry that I shouldn't make such a fuss. In the end she couldn't ignore it anymore the next day after a full day suffering with it in school. It ended up with a bandage and sling for a few weeks. That has influenced my approach and I am more likely to lean towards too soft than too hard.

Young children often react according to the adult's expression. If you smile and don't seem too bothered they usually recover more quickly - unless it is serious of course. If mine fell over I used to say "Are you having a lie down?" - which usually made them laugh.

Provided everyone was sure that this was not a more serious injury but just bruising, I agree with you.

Obviously, the lack of appropriate medical investigation and care described by LancashireLass and others is very wrong but I do think children need not be fussed over so much after every little incident.

I wouldn't say anything to the Dad about it though.

I remember two children I taught arriving after registration at school; their mother apologised and said, 'the house, a thatched cottage, caught fire this morning, so I am sorry we are a bit late.' She showed me the photograph; the whole roof had gone!
They'll be fine, she said, and they were.

I think it depends on the type of injury. eg a tiny prick from a rose thorn can end up as a serious infection. Same with dog or cat bite or scratch.
Parents need to have basic knowledge of First Aid

I agree with onlyruth

Or resetting an arm w/o anesthesia the day after the injury

I am glad the level of care has been raised and there is a new standard.

Some of the stories in this thread are awful. I'm very glad we live in different times now. How anyone could think that a child should go to school ten minutes after hearing that her father had died, I don't know. It's hardly something that should be held up as character-forming.

i am surprised at some of these attitudes.
i'm with Bluebelle and Hithere.
OP, doesn't it occur to you that your son, whom you raised, has chosen to parent his own child more sensitively.
which is to be commended, i'd say.
there is far too much toxic masculinity, big boys dont cry etc.
whatever you think, OP, it is not your place to tell your son how to interact with his child. they sound perfectly loving.

Was it the fear of the cost of going to the doctor's do you think?

I'm not sure when you didn't have to pay, but both my husband and I were 50's babies, and were put to bed after quite nasty injuries.

Mine was that I was 'riding' a bean cane around the garden, I tripped, and it went into my neck. I remember my Mum pulling it out, blood all over the ground, then sucking my thumb in bed. Can't remember anything else, but definitely didn't see a doctor. I've got quite a big scar.

When my children were small I didn’t treat them all the same because how they reacted to things was different. If my older son started yelling in pain my husband and I would walk to see what the fuss was about (usually not much), but if we heard our younger son cry out we’d run like the clappers because we knew something serious had happened.

I’d trust the parent to deal with their own child and keep my thoughts to myself. ?

A cold compress would have been the correct first aid. Why would a bandage be needed if there was no cut?

No, you are not being too hard.

I think it also depends on the child. My DD and my middle nephew are both tough cookies, so if they say something hurts - then I take it a bit more seriously that my other nephews or my son.
My DD walked about on a broken foot for 3 days til I noticed the bruising after a bath and took her for an x-ray - 6 weeks in a cast! She said it was a bit achey but wanted to keep playing!! On the other hand my son got a paper cut and was convinced he’d need surgery!!
So maybe the reaction of your GS was what caught his dads attention with this one OP?

I had a neighbour who was a midwife. Her son was about 7 and fell down in the garden and landed on a stick. She cleaned the wound up and put a plaster on but a couple of days later he was still complaining about it hurting and she took him to A&E. The A&E doctor had a dig around in the wound and found a piece of twig which was still buried in there! She was mortified after all her medical training.