A tricky situation

Why did it take you a lot of time to mention it? Are you frightened of him? or just his reactions?

Yes calandergirl is correct this is not a new problem I ve read this exact scenario before now you have expanded what actually happened
Do you mean he has done the same thing twice months
apart !!! Or are you just going over the old scenario
I m not sure I understand

Didn’t you post about this before? It is difficult to gauge it just right with little ones. The fine line between fun, and basically...not fun.

I personally don’t go in for the grandchildren overnight thing, unless there was an emergency. Is there any need for them to stay at all at the moment? Particularly as the five year old is on edge. Surely it’s supposed to be enjoyable for them.

I think I said before, my husband can put his foot in it with the ‘ fun’ thing which just isn’t! We normally just say something like, “ silly grandad, what is he doing?”. Then ours go home, and it’s all forgotten next time.

Hope you manage to sort it.

Men don’t show their fears and feelings like women do. Maybe he did feel bad about the boy but couldn’t express himself? The reason I’m suggesting this is just yesterday my little GD ran into a post my OH was picking up. She hurt her face and was really upset- more so than usual. He said nothing and looked angry/disgusted and went to work in the garage out of the way. I said nothing and eventually my Gd calmed down and they went home. Later that night my OH said can you contact them and make sure she’s ok as I’m really worried. It really upset me. I was surprised as as I say he didn’t look upset or worried. We never know what’s going on inside a person.

You’ve posted about this before I think Littleswan?

I thought it had got itself sorted, but perhaps not?

Your DH upset a young child unintentionally and didn't think of immediately apologising and comforting?
That shows he's putting himself, and what the neighbours think (!), first - instead of the child's needs.

It's a good suggestion that he should go out for the day if he won't give an assurance to be more thoughtful.

He was a bit out of order, but he didn’t do it out of spite, he thought he was having a bit of fun with your grandson.
Men of his generation tend to think little boys should be a bit tougher, and are embarrassed by lots of tears.
I’m not saying that’s right, but I think he just got into a situation which got a bit out of control.
I doubt he’ll let it happen again, he’ll probably go out for the day.

My daughter asked me to mention that GS was worried before he came to stay again. She is happy for DH to say stuff eg leaving the table etc but did not feel DH had acted kindly in this situation which I do have to agree. It took a lot for me to mention it as I had promised her I would

My OH used to leave the GC to me - he did not have enough patience with the. He was great as long as they were behaving, but was clueless if they stepped out of line.

He had no skills when it came to predicting reactions and heading situations off at the pass before they got out of hand.

Mind you it was a bit like that with our DDs!

I think your OH was a bit out of order to spray GS with water without proper warning. And he should not have shouted.

I hope that your 2 days go well now that you have said something to OH. The GC do need some boundaries; but it is generally accepted that visits to GPs are a bit of a treat and there are a few indulgences - what else are GPs for!?

Sorry, crossed post.

If signs of this happening again crop up, I am afraid I would do the Granny thing and usher the children off into the garden or down to the playground to get them away from Grandad.

You are very brave to confront your DH with it. I hope you can re-negotiate with him before they arrive. Can your stepdaughter say a word?

GS was crying outside in the garden as DH had sprayed him with a hose by surprise intending it to be fun but GS got really upset. DH shouted at him to stop crying and get inside as we would disturb the neighbours. GS continued to cry and I tried to comfort him outside. DH did play with him later but never apologised and GS who is a sensitive soul has taken it to heart and now fears DH anger.

Have you asked DH for reassurance again, now, in hope of it then being fresh in his mind?

You and your husband need to agree on discipline strictures, but the issue here seems to be that the grandson is nervous about staying. As he is coming to stay again, it sounds as though your daughter isn't too troubled by whatever occurred.

I have always said that if I’m looking after the children, I have to be able to tell them off when necessary. You can’t be in a situation where they know they can behave badly with no reprimands, but we don’t know how your husband told them off, if he yelled at them, it would have been inappropriate.
One of my daughters once asked me to apologise to her daughter for telling her off, apologise? She was lucky I hadn’t carted her straight back home!
She’s a young woman now, and lovely.

Why did he get cross? More information needed please.

Well he wouldn’t answer would he as then he’d have to protest and argue his side so he chose to keep quiet hopefully it went in, but you don’t say what the little boy did or how he was reprimanded so it’s hard to tell who was right or wrong

It’s good that you mentioned this to your husband and this makes him think before he speaks when your grandchildren visit. Hope it all goes well,