How do I discipline step-grandchildren - help please

Put your stuff away as most people would do it's not that difficult. Bring it back out when theyve gone. Put a bit of effort into amusing them as you would any guest into your home and they will love you for it.

At 5 and 7 they should certainly be old enough to know how to behave in someone else’s house.
From your original post I had imagined younger children.
They do sound a handful JillN so you have my sympathy!
Obviously we have to expect a certain amount of noise with visiting children, but running through the house screaming at their age isn’t acceptable.Don’t the parents make any attempt to calm them down?

I agree with others that it would be best to cook meals which they like, so that should be one potential problem averted !

Maybe the answer would be to plan days out with them.
Are you National Trust members? Most properties these days have activities for children and there are extensive grounds for them to run around (but hopefully, for the sake of others, not screaming!)

You could eat out there so if they order something then not eat it, it’s not your problem !

JillN, I appreciate how you feel. I am a doting granny to MY grandson but am not keen on other peoples young children.

To be honest, I would not have other peoples children in my house. I do at times AT THE MOMENT, for my grandson to play with, but once he is older, it won't happen.

We are not all into children. Out of my own home, whatever the parents want to do is up to them. But I don't like my home being ripped apart. Used to happen many years ago with nephews and neices and I hated it then.

Why can't grandad take them out somewhere? The way I see it, if it isn't his house, why does he get to dictate what happens in it?

BUT the others are right. You don't get to discipline other peoples children. I'd tell your partner he can pay for all damages and put anything with sentimental value away.

Lots of outside play exhausting them sounds like a plan. Park, woods, beach? Borrow/meet a friend who owns a dog and take dog's ball? Frisbee, football French cricket - have the stuff ready by the front door.
Walk them to a local shop to buy a magazine each (ridiculously expensive btw) - they have stickers, cut out stuff and activities. Stories for you
to read to them
Pack the breakable stuff away.
Distraction - colouring books, washable felt tips. Kids' scissors. Painting? Cake mix. Playdoh. Lego (borrow from granny mates?). A messy area (with aprons). In fact chat to other grannies for resources and borrow.
Picnic - they can make sandwiches?
Videos, Netflix, iPad games all prepared beforehand.
Good luck

I'm very sorry I am such an imperfect human being. I won't bother to ask for guidance again.

I'm not trying to be any kind of granny of the year, I'm just a fallible human - why is there any kind of expectation of granny perfection? Not all children are adorable. I have a step-grandson of three whom I adore, these two are just somewhat wild.

Thank you, that's really good to know.

Thanks, that's really helpful. I do have a step-grandson whom I adore and have a great relationship with, but different people have different parenting styles...

Agree with geekese

OP
How much experience do you have around kids?

Thanks Septimia. I do try to find out what they want to eat but they are unpredictable. Yes, I am hoping for 'improve with age'.

Thanks Aggie. They're 5 and 7 and their eating preferences are unpredictable!

There are so many red flags in the original post…

1. You want to bar visitors from the sitting room - the one room in the house where one would expect to welcome guests. I’d feel quite rejected if someone did that to me. Why can’t you put your precious knick-knacks somewhere safe for a day or two?

2. You don’t like the children behaving like normal children, and it seems that you are unwilling even to tolerate it for your partner’s sake.

3. You are creating in advance an atmosphere that is guaranteed to make your partner’s daughter and children feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. Have you considered how this must feel to your partner?

4. Your “partner” seems to be little more than a lodger in your home. Nothing about the post suggests that he has any involvement in what ought to be his home, even if the house is in your name.

5. You claim the children as ‘step-grandchildren’, yet you aren’t married to their grandfather. You are not their grandmother, even by marriage, and how they interact with their grandfather is none of your business. If you don’t like the way they do this in your house, perhaps this partnership lacks mileage.

BlueBelle

I just wanted to answer your title question ‘how do I discipline step Grandchildren ?’
You don’t discipline someone else’s children

I agree

They're coming with their Mum so she will be the one to discipline them. Ask in advance what they like to eat.

Apart from a friendly 'Whoa' if they are about to career into you then say nothing.
And keep them out of the kitchen when you are negotiating hot pans.

They won't be staying for ever and they won't be little for ever either.

As for your precious breakables - lock them away in a cupboard or box them up until they have left. Families are more important than ornaments.

How old are the kids?

Honestly, I would cancel the visit. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Is the house ready for kids?
Have you put all valuables away and out of reach?
How is meal planning organized? Kids may not like the food

If you feel the need to put your foot down, tell your husband to talk to the parent(s) of the children and they may (or not) do something about it

No matter what, do not discipline the kids directly.

You certainly aren't setting yourself up as step granny of the year. The children probably aren't that keen on coming anyway. I would lock away precious breakables, ask the parents if there are any things they really like to eat (and don't be surprised if they still won't eat) and leave discipline to the parents.

Grit your teeth then don't invite them again.

They sound like they are just being children

Put breakable things away. Cook what they like to eat. Let them run around in the garden and be welcoming or tell your partner to visit them in their home because you don’t seem to want them anywhere near you. How sad for your partner and his grandchildren. We find ours such a joy.

Clear away your breakable items and go out over one mealtime, leave their grandfather to feed them and play with them, meet a friend for coffee. Come back and see how things are going, don’t comment when you return.

we have grandchildren visiting at the end of the week and I will plan their stay round them. I am serving food I know they like and have arranged activities that I know they will enjoy.

Why not talk to their mother in advance to check menu and activities will be enjoyed, and then add a few caveats of your own, suggest Grandpa takes them out for a half a day to give you a break and say that your house is not really designed for children but you will be tidying anything delicate away but you would prefer it if they did not go in the living room.

I always find addressing these problems up front and honestly, but nicely is the best policy all round.

My grandchildren are twins who are 5 yrs and little one 2 yrs. They are very polite and well behaved they eat what they are given. I ask their parents what would they like to eat.
They don’t touch my ornaments because my DIL and DD have told them not too.
I have two toy boxes for them to rummage through and they tidy everything up before they go.
I think with children of any age its best to quietly and firmly talk to them about sitting still while eating etc. Telling them off will only cause upset it’s not ideal when family are visiting.

If I were you I would ask their mum what meals to prep that they would like without fuss, and have a few snacks at hand such as apples and cheese slices.

Also have some toys/puzzles/colouring ready. I keep a kit ready for grand-kids with age appropriate (and not too noisy) entertainment.

I'm also pretty strict about no running/yelling in the house but will deflect them outside where we have balls and trucks.

Try to relax and enjoy their visit. You may surprise yourself by really enjoying their company and forming relationships with them. You don't need to be blood-related to form close relationships with little ones.

It might work out for the best if their grandad visits them
Do you live together? You mention not shared ownership...

Actually I wonder why they are invited , poor things !
Are you going to have a whip at hand and crack it to command their attention ?

I feel sorry for your husband........

You don't say what ages they are but could you contact their parents to determine what they will eat and if they're old enough, get them involved in making the meal? Other than removing your treasured items or locking the sitting room door I'm not sure what else you could do.
It's a shame that your OH isn't on your side, surely he should display more respect for your house and his home?
I have a step-niece who is a proper spoiled brat with the table manners of a pig. She is so bad that I refuse to have her and her parents over for a meal anymore. It did cause a bit of ill feeling between myself and my OH, her uncle, until I pointed out how she ruined the hall carpet by deliberately trampling a portion of cheesecake into it and laughing whilst she did it! She was thirteen years old at the time and old enough to know better. My OH was unaware of what she had done at the time and Covid has been the perfect excuse to not invite them again. When they do suggest getting together we will be suggesting that we meet up at a pub, let them clean up her mess.