How do I discipline step-grandchildren - help please

What ages are they ? , can you lock the sitting room door ? You seem to know their eating preferences so why not go along with it ?

Not being a step-mum I don't feel qualified to answer. I do agree that it is your home and your rules. perhaps ask their parent what they would prefer to eat and if they don't eat it then that's their choice. Lock up your precious items - it's only for a day or two. I would think their parents are probably nervous and maybe this is why they are given toys at mealtimes in the hope that this will occupy them. Do you have a garden as I think next week we are in for some good weather so maybe outdoor play, if not a local park.

Tricky situation. Obviously you don't want to seem inhospitable but, as you say, it's your house. How you deal with it depends partly on the ages of the girls. Older ones may respond better to what you say, younger will, with luck, inprove with age!

Perhaps you could pick one or two things that you want to deal with first. For example you could say that running about (preferably without the screaming!) is to be done in the garden only.

As for the food, it may be that the foods that you normally enjoy are outside the girls' experience and are unfamiliar. I know my son's family eat different foods from us. Could you find out what foods the girls do enjoy and serve those once or twice during their visit.

If they come again, you could add in another 'rule' for them to get used to.

improve with age!

Why do you feel the need to impose discipline? Every family have their own version of 'acceptable behaviour' so, apart from everyone staying out of the sitting room, I'd accept them just as they are - for one short visit. Earplugs might be useful, though!

I'd make sure there are plenty of things for them to do, like drawing and craft materials, also suggest their parents bring a few favourite foods along.

Well I d rather stay away if I was your step family as it sounds as if you’ve made your mind up before they ve even stepped foot in your doors
Do all the things you are wanting to do and I would think that’s the last time granddad will have an opportunity to have his grandkids round
You don’t say how old they are or how long they are staying
But if they re small and you have breakables or valuable items put them away somewhere for the duration or lock the door to the room you want to keep clear of kids
As for food not everyone will like the food you like presumable this is a short one week or weekend holiday and not an extended time with you so let the mum do their food and stay out the dining room when it’s their turn to ear then you won’t be irritated by them and it ll give you a break too
Let granddad do the entertaining and playing with them let him take them out and about as much as possible to local places kids will enjoy ( farms, zoos, play parks etc) tire them out but bite your tongue for a short time we all have some things we just have to ‘get through’
Hope it’s not as bad as you are expecting

I just wanted to answer your title question ‘how do I discipline step Grandchildren ?’
You don’t discipline someone else’s children

Do you have children/grandchildren of your own?

Why invite the grandchildren of your partner, (be careful, not your step-grandchildren unless you are married to him), to your house if it is not shared with your partner, and you are so clearly predisposed against them?

Oh dear , it really doesn’t sound as if you like being a step- grandmother. Not sure if you have any children \grandchildren of your own, but if the children are small I think you may be expecting too much in the way of behaviour. I am a step mother to three and a step grandmother to four, so would say try to loosen the iron grip a little and throw yourself into enjoying them, you may be surprised at how much your relationship with them can bring.

Definitely put breakable objects away. Ask their mum what they like to eat to help with meals. If they don't want it, not your problem. " You don't want it? Oh dear. Perhaps grandpa can find you something else." Children do run about, that's the nature of them. If you don't like it, then you need to distract or get them to help you bake something. Do you have toys they can play with? Perhaps you should remember an appointment you have to go to? Smile and smile, even through gritted teeth. I feel you are being very negative before the visit. Be prepared and it might not be as awful as you fear.

You don't say what ages they are but could you contact their parents to determine what they will eat and if they're old enough, get them involved in making the meal? Other than removing your treasured items or locking the sitting room door I'm not sure what else you could do.
It's a shame that your OH isn't on your side, surely he should display more respect for your house and his home?
I have a step-niece who is a proper spoiled brat with the table manners of a pig. She is so bad that I refuse to have her and her parents over for a meal anymore. It did cause a bit of ill feeling between myself and my OH, her uncle, until I pointed out how she ruined the hall carpet by deliberately trampling a portion of cheesecake into it and laughing whilst she did it! She was thirteen years old at the time and old enough to know better. My OH was unaware of what she had done at the time and Covid has been the perfect excuse to not invite them again. When they do suggest getting together we will be suggesting that we meet up at a pub, let them clean up her mess.

I feel sorry for your husband........

Actually I wonder why they are invited , poor things !
Are you going to have a whip at hand and crack it to command their attention ?

It might work out for the best if their grandad visits them
Do you live together? You mention not shared ownership...

If I were you I would ask their mum what meals to prep that they would like without fuss, and have a few snacks at hand such as apples and cheese slices.

Also have some toys/puzzles/colouring ready. I keep a kit ready for grand-kids with age appropriate (and not too noisy) entertainment.

I'm also pretty strict about no running/yelling in the house but will deflect them outside where we have balls and trucks.

Try to relax and enjoy their visit. You may surprise yourself by really enjoying their company and forming relationships with them. You don't need to be blood-related to form close relationships with little ones.

My grandchildren are twins who are 5 yrs and little one 2 yrs. They are very polite and well behaved they eat what they are given. I ask their parents what would they like to eat.
They don’t touch my ornaments because my DIL and DD have told them not too.
I have two toy boxes for them to rummage through and they tidy everything up before they go.
I think with children of any age its best to quietly and firmly talk to them about sitting still while eating etc. Telling them off will only cause upset it’s not ideal when family are visiting.

we have grandchildren visiting at the end of the week and I will plan their stay round them. I am serving food I know they like and have arranged activities that I know they will enjoy.

Why not talk to their mother in advance to check menu and activities will be enjoyed, and then add a few caveats of your own, suggest Grandpa takes them out for a half a day to give you a break and say that your house is not really designed for children but you will be tidying anything delicate away but you would prefer it if they did not go in the living room.

I always find addressing these problems up front and honestly, but nicely is the best policy all round.

Clear away your breakable items and go out over one mealtime, leave their grandfather to feed them and play with them, meet a friend for coffee. Come back and see how things are going, don’t comment when you return.

Put breakable things away. Cook what they like to eat. Let them run around in the garden and be welcoming or tell your partner to visit them in their home because you don’t seem to want them anywhere near you. How sad for your partner and his grandchildren. We find ours such a joy.

Grit your teeth then don't invite them again.

They sound like they are just being children

You certainly aren't setting yourself up as step granny of the year. The children probably aren't that keen on coming anyway. I would lock away precious breakables, ask the parents if there are any things they really like to eat (and don't be surprised if they still won't eat) and leave discipline to the parents.

How old are the kids?

Honestly, I would cancel the visit. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Is the house ready for kids?
Have you put all valuables away and out of reach?
How is meal planning organized? Kids may not like the food

If you feel the need to put your foot down, tell your husband to talk to the parent(s) of the children and they may (or not) do something about it

No matter what, do not discipline the kids directly.

BlueBelle

I just wanted to answer your title question ‘how do I discipline step Grandchildren ?’
You don’t discipline someone else’s children

I agree

They're coming with their Mum so she will be the one to discipline them. Ask in advance what they like to eat.

Apart from a friendly 'Whoa' if they are about to career into you then say nothing.
And keep them out of the kitchen when you are negotiating hot pans.

They won't be staying for ever and they won't be little for ever either.

As for your precious breakables - lock them away in a cupboard or box them up until they have left. Families are more important than ornaments.

There are so many red flags in the original post…

1. You want to bar visitors from the sitting room - the one room in the house where one would expect to welcome guests. I’d feel quite rejected if someone did that to me. Why can’t you put your precious knick-knacks somewhere safe for a day or two?

2. You don’t like the children behaving like normal children, and it seems that you are unwilling even to tolerate it for your partner’s sake.

3. You are creating in advance an atmosphere that is guaranteed to make your partner’s daughter and children feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. Have you considered how this must feel to your partner?

4. Your “partner” seems to be little more than a lodger in your home. Nothing about the post suggests that he has any involvement in what ought to be his home, even if the house is in your name.

5. You claim the children as ‘step-grandchildren’, yet you aren’t married to their grandfather. You are not their grandmother, even by marriage, and how they interact with their grandfather is none of your business. If you don’t like the way they do this in your house, perhaps this partnership lacks mileage.