Have had my 15 yr old grandson staying with me for ten days now, and boy oh boy think we have both found it hard. I took him in willingly as he has masses of medical issues and his three younger siblings were all covid positive so I brought him here hoping he had not picked it up before I got to him, but tomorrow is day eleven so think we have won this one and he has remained covid free. Told him he might hate me time we are done especially if his mum or dad came down with it and his stay had to be extended, but as long as he was alive to hate me then I have done a good job.
He eats none stop....I don't mind four large meals a day but I don't remember my children needing so many snacks in between. DD1 said he will do that when stressed and suggested I make a snack bag up for him, which I did with 2 pieces of fruit in, a bag of crisps, some biscuits, a small bag of sweets and some chocolate, so plenty to eat in it. I don't remember ever snacking as a child, apart from the school playpiece, things were tight in our house, dont get me wrong we got we got fed three meals a day with a pudding as well every night, same as mine got.
I have had to move food and cans of juice into my room out of his way, on day one he drunk ten cans. I don't begrudge him it but it all seems rather excessive. ? I appreciate he is stressed and has never stayed away from home longer than 48 hrs and he was worried about his siblings but not sure this is an excuse.
He is in for a gunk tomorrow as he ate two snack bags in one day despite only suppose to be having one. He denied it was him, but it had to be as there is nobody else here to eat it.
Banned him from taking the snack bags up the stairs as there was four days rubbish lying in the room, seems he can carry full bags up but not empty ones down. Then lied to me he had brought it down.......of course it was all still lying there. There was a reprecussion for that lie, he lost his box for 24 hrs.
Having to force him into the shower every third day and constantly sending him back to the bathroom to wash his hands after using the toilet. My son was never out the shower at that age. He sleeps naked, but instead of putting clean clothes on when he gets up he puts the dirty ones back on and then complains like hell cos I moan at him to get redressed, did ask him why he does it but says he doesn't know.
He seems to like making things hard on himself. took him until day 4 to tell me he had forgotten his toothbrush despite me sending him to clean his teeth every night and him telling me he had done them. Not like he was going to get into trouble for forgetting his toothbrush, the shops sell them.
No wonder he complains his mum picks on him!!!
I don't wish to paint him in a bad light he is a lovely young man, who is kind caring and compassionate, but maybe when you are living it every day with your own it is different.
So generational or bad memory?
In addition to some of the comments, I remember my grandma, when she was alive told me she felt very sorry for the lady next door, who had to feed two teenage boys on rations and the boys were constantly hungry. By contrast, she had two very little girls (my mum and my aunt) and it was much easier to manage. Not a new problem at all and at least today’s teenage boys can eat their fill.
Once pulled the bedroom curtains back and there was teenaged son asleep on the sun lounger - he’d gone out without his keys and didn’t like to wake us. I never bought crisps or biscuits when the boys were teenagers. They did shower and clean their teeth but we had a German exchange student who was definitely unwashed and pongy. I confiscated his pile of dirty underpants and gave them a hot wash, which helped a bit.
Is he overweight? If not, don’t worry about his seemingly excessive food consumption. Teenage boys who are going to grow into tall young men eat you out of house and home in my experience. ( I don’t know about boys who are less tall- my son was already 6 foot at 13. I’m not being “hightist” - is it possible your own sons were not of a large build? It really impacts on appetite.) We used to call ours the Giant Mouse because food- especially cheese and bread would just evaporate. Your grandson may be having a growth spurt- in which case he will always be hungry. As many others have advised, bread, fruit and cheese are good to have around to fill the bottomless boots, and much healthier than crisps and sweets.
As for the personal hygiene, well there is a reason Lynx antiperspirant is so beloved of teenage boys. Testosterone reeks, and it often takes a young lady to point out to them their omissions in the showering/clean clothes department. He won’t be smelly like this in few years time, and all you can do is provide the hot water and towels, and occasional suggestion. Nagging will really only cause conflict. 15 year old boys are already confused changelings- boy/men whose emotions are all over the place. You love him- make time to tell him that, and give him plenty of hugs ( even if you do have to hold your breath!)
If he does the same at home you will be on a losing streak to expect anything different when he is with you. I had 3 teenagers in the house; girl and twin boys and very rarely did they snack between meals. If out in the evening they would sometimes go to a friends or come
home with a friend then they would snack basically socialising. Today children seem to have an inordinate amounts of snacks, raiding cupboards and fridges every hour. You deserve a medal for coping.
agree with Nannan2. good points. well put.
I remember one of my sons in particular as a teenager coming home from school after having had a school dinner and piling a cereal bowl high with corn flakes and adding 3/4 of a pint of milk on top before heating it in the microwave on a daily basis. Boys grow very rapidly in their mid teens but l did not have fizzy drinks or fruit juices in the house as l wanted him to eat reasonably healthily. I remember his feet growing very quickly too at this age. He is now in his late twenties and around 5’6”, very slightly built and size 7 shoes. This is normal behaviour but I think it is better to keep junk food out of the equation. I think many children nowadays do have too many snacks and three square meals a day are perfectly adequate except when going through the teenage growth spurt.
Hollow legs. My boys both had them from 15-19 ish.
My son is very much like this- but he has aspergers, and a neurological condituon, and a couple of other medic issues- you said he has "masses" of medical issues, so no, its probably not 'just a boy thing'- its likely this is all part of his medical issues- did you actually get a list of his 'behaviours' etc from his mum before he came to your house- and go over these with her? This would have been particularly helpful to make him less stressed-My grandson has very similar behaviours also and he is on autistic spectrum- i am not suggesting at all that your lovely GS has any of these conditions, but im just saying consider it , especially as you said he ''says he doesnt know why he does it"?? So it seems a bit harsh to 'punish' him by a 24 hr ban, if he genuinely cant help it? Perhaps you can help him instead by pointing out the usual way most of us do things, like showering/teeth cleaning, and WHY, and 'help' him to tidy up at the end of the day, rather than 'nag' him?show by example.it may help, but dont be surprised if hes forgotten again by the following day.Be patient, i know its hard, but think how hard things might be for him? Also try help his mum by occasionally taking him out somewhere, just for a couple of hours break(if he does like to go out- my son &grandson have an aversion to that)Then at least youre not cleaning up if you go somewhere else.In meantime assume things may be confusing for him, as well as stressful, dont 'blame' him, and teach rather than sanction him.
He must surely be going home soon and you can get back to your old comfortable life. Please try to stop stressing!
You asked were you 'mis-remembering' - well perhaps a bit, even though he does seem a bit OTT, teenage boys do eat like horses though.
This is only temporary so feed him, but don't buy anything special or tempting. Cereal and milk add lib, a loaf of bread a day but don't have anything special to put on it and just a sensible amount of fruit available. Its not your job to retrain him. As for hygiene and towels (I'd just hang them on the line while he's at school, he won't know if they're washed or not).
Relax, you sound really stressed, and its not for ever even od it feels like it. ?
I’d certainly had struggled if I had to tell my 15 year olds they couldn’t eat what they wanted when they wanted, ditto fizzy drinks ! I was extremely careful when they were at primary school and limited “junk food” and fizzy drinks but tbh once they were at secondary school and buying their lunch at school canteen and machines it all went out of the window ! They are all now adults eat a fairly balanced diet and don’t have weight issues.
As far as grandchildren are concerned if I was lucky enough to have grandchildren staying for two weeks I’d completely indulge them !! I had two boys, they were utterly yucky, disgusting and “dustbins” in their teens !
Just typical teenager boy by the sound of!
My boys were teenagers in the 80s. I used to bake cakes in roasting tins - 3 every week. They never lasted a week but they knew there would be no more cake until the next bake. I used to encourage them to fill up on sandwiches that they could make for themselves.
From the outside it looks like, teenage boy, parents who are a little indulgent, maybe doing to much and not making him independent, he also seems depressed, maybe a chat with your DD to get him some help. Good luck
This reminds me very much of my elder daughter! She ate all the time, but it was mostly junk even though she was brought up to be mindful of nourishing her body. Snacks were SUPPOSED to be fruit/yoghurt only, as when I was young, but no-goes there-she found all the ‘treats’ no matter where I hid them and if occasionally unsuccessful she would create murders which was exhausting. She kept her clothes in a pile in the middle of her room, there were rancid sandwiches under her bed together with pints of gone off milk. She insisted on sleeping with both our (large) dogs in her bed which she rarely allowed to be changed. She wore ‘goth clothes’ bleached her hair with pink at the front (behind my back) and PIERCED HER OWN NOSE when she was 14! My other two were no trouble at all; her sister clean and tidy ( we built a loft extension to give her her own space as sharing with her messy sister was impossible). My son was and is 100% fastidious. My elder girl now? She is 32 and the mother of four beautiful children. She is the Queen of Clean and could teach Mrs Hinch a thing or two! Her home is immaculate, the children beautifully turned out. She herself is well groomed and well organised! She still eats too much junk for my liking- when the little ones are out of the way as she is careful about THEIR diet (and hubby’s). She still has her nose pierced. So they do grow out of it (sort of!) and it delights me to remind her of the horror she once was! Or they grow INTO it! My younger daughter is often extremely messy and of course has a spoiled, dictatorial and rampaging dog who seems to rule the roost! My son? Still Mr Fastidious with (designer) knobs on!
My son could have kept the Weetabix company going on his own!
as a teenager ,he filled up on at least 4 of them in a big bowl at least twice daily,he still.loves them now, at the age of 46,but was never out of the bathroom..constant preening
A constantly available pan of dhal, with or without rice (have to be careful about leaving rice hanging around, so maybe not), is really cheap being made with lentils, is nutritious and easy peasy to make. Otherwise whole meal bread with Marmite or peanut butter helps fill the holes in their legs. Pre EU my mum used to buy vast slabs of NZ or Aussie cheese that my brother ate by the ton with bread straight after finishing his dinner. Mum was devastated when this cheese shot up in price after import tax was added to it, but luckily my brother was coming out if this phase by then. He was always as skinny as a rake.
Lol oh I remember them days when my 2 boys were like that. Always nagging them to pick up stuff. Telling them clothes don’t walk to machines on there own. Etc Then they went opposite. Couldn’t get them out bathroom etc. As for the eating thing I couldn’t believe how much I didn’t spend on food after they moved out. But both happily married with kids of their own. But even when come home to visit there in my cupboards looking for something to eat. Now one of my daughter inlaw nags her 10yr son for same thing. But can’t say he’s getting from my son as he’s not my sons child. It’s just a boy thing I’m afraid. Also both my sons are now both super house proud. Just wait till a girl catches his eye he will soon change lol
My son was always hungry again within an hour of any meal as a teenager. He’d eat a generous amount, but was never interested in dessert. I always made sure we had plenty of bread, sandwich fillings, cereal, milk and apples/bananas in and he knew he could use these as required. Also always bought some Mars bars and a multi pack of crisps a week (he learnt to ration them, lol)
Got fed up of him spending all his money on snacks at school, so sent him with a big packed “lunch” for break time then he had a canteen lunch too.
He cost me a small fortune in food, but was very sporty & rarely sat still so I was feeding a furnace on at full power, lol
He’s now a healthy, 6ft3 lean 25 year old!
I trawled his room once a week for crockery/cutlery, but he knew that if he wanted his clothes washing he had to put them in the laundry basket!
He too had to be forced into showering until he discovered girls! ??
I think you are just dealing with a typical teenager. They eat non stop and their personal hygiene can leave a lot to be desired, particularly with boys. I don't think we can expect them to be the same as we were at that age. Times have changed and so have lifestyles.
I've been laughing all through this thread and can totally empathise! We've just had our 16 and 15 year old GSs stay with us for a week whilst DD and SIL have taken a well deserved break in Spain.
They are going through everything mentioned here. I have to restock the fizzy drinks, cakes and snacks every other day. GS1 spends half an hour every morning in the shower and makes sure he looks cool. GS2 is a grunge skateboarding dude and even when he has a shower doesn't comb his hair (which falls right over his eyes) saying 'can't be bothered'! They come in for dinner, then are either out with friends or shut up in their smelly and very untidy bedrooms. We insisted they stayed in on Sunday and had a game of cards and a catchup. Yup, that's boys for you.
I'm sure DS wasn't as bad, even though I thought he was a git at the time.
I'm now watching the Flight Tracker as DD is on her way home. Much as I love them I'll be glad to get back to some kind of normality!
You say he’s kind, caring and compassionate- well that’s a wonderful start! In my experience, boys that age have hollow legs and would eat all day, as well as sleep. As for washing, if you didn’t nag them they wouldn’t wash for a year. But wait till he has a girlfriend, you won’t be able to get him out of the bathroom and will have the ‘scent’ of lynx pervading the house. Enjoy each stage for what it is.
Funniest thing my teenage boy did? Hubby and I had been to a restaurant with friends. I collected all the leftover meat to take home for our cat. I left it in the fridge overnight. Next day it was gone. Son admitted he'd eaten it. He didn't really care it was off four different plates. He still laughs about it now!
Pooobear282 you say your GS has medical issues. Is this also part of his problem or is it really "just a teen thing?
My eldest DGS was a bottomless pit at that age. He had always been a little lad and I think that he was growing. I know my DD said at the time that she couldn't keep up with him, he was always so hungry.
One of my DGDs is only 11 but she too is ravenous all the time. She has also shot up and is now much taller. I do think that kids are prone to snack all the time when they are growing.
As for messing up their rooms, I am afraid that we have had several very untidy kids in our family too. Most of them have been keen on showers, though.
He's just a teenage boy!
The toothbrush thing - he was probably embarrassed that he hadn't got one ! sounds stupid, but whenever anyone visits, whatever their age, I always put out the basic toiletries - soap, flannel, toothbrush, toothpaste , towels as I know from personal experience that however good you are at packing, there is always something missing!
The not showering/ tidying bedroom etc is very much a teenage thing and you either put up with it, or put clean clothes out etc. A laundry bag/basket in their room sometimes helps but not always.
The snacking - seems par for the course for teens these days! You are doing the best of making him snack bags, but if he eats two in a day - don't make a big thing of it - they have absolutely no sense of nutrition or how much things cost, so maybe if you go grocery shopping, take him with you, give him a fiver and tell him that he can get what he likes, but once the money is spent, that will be it until the next time you go shopping and he must understand that he can only take anything from the fridge/storage cupboard if he asks you first. If he does help himself, just subtract it from his share of the menu and see if he notices - especially if it's something he likes!
Always remember that there may be more going on than you realise. Teen boys are horrendously bad on communicating what they are thinking. He is probably worried about the rest of his family as well as the thought of catching Covid himself or even you catching it. If he's not used to spending time away from his parents, he may just be homesick. Treat him with a bit of understanding and kindness - the rest of it really doesn't matter. He needs support, not condemnation!
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