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Grandparenting

Is it generational or am I remembering it wrong?

(143 Posts)
pooohbear2811 Tue 21-Sept-21 16:33:37

Have had my 15 yr old grandson staying with me for ten days now, and boy oh boy think we have both found it hard. I took him in willingly as he has masses of medical issues and his three younger siblings were all covid positive so I brought him here hoping he had not picked it up before I got to him, but tomorrow is day eleven so think we have won this one and he has remained covid free. Told him he might hate me time we are done especially if his mum or dad came down with it and his stay had to be extended, but as long as he was alive to hate me then I have done a good job.

He eats none stop....I don't mind four large meals a day but I don't remember my children needing so many snacks in between. DD1 said he will do that when stressed and suggested I make a snack bag up for him, which I did with 2 pieces of fruit in, a bag of crisps, some biscuits, a small bag of sweets and some chocolate, so plenty to eat in it. I don't remember ever snacking as a child, apart from the school playpiece, things were tight in our house, dont get me wrong we got we got fed three meals a day with a pudding as well every night, same as mine got.

I have had to move food and cans of juice into my room out of his way, on day one he drunk ten cans. I don't begrudge him it but it all seems rather excessive. ? I appreciate he is stressed and has never stayed away from home longer than 48 hrs and he was worried about his siblings but not sure this is an excuse.

He is in for a gunk tomorrow as he ate two snack bags in one day despite only suppose to be having one. He denied it was him, but it had to be as there is nobody else here to eat it.
Banned him from taking the snack bags up the stairs as there was four days rubbish lying in the room, seems he can carry full bags up but not empty ones down. Then lied to me he had brought it down.......of course it was all still lying there. There was a reprecussion for that lie, he lost his box for 24 hrs.

Having to force him into the shower every third day and constantly sending him back to the bathroom to wash his hands after using the toilet. My son was never out the shower at that age. He sleeps naked, but instead of putting clean clothes on when he gets up he puts the dirty ones back on and then complains like hell cos I moan at him to get redressed, did ask him why he does it but says he doesn't know.

He seems to like making things hard on himself. took him until day 4 to tell me he had forgotten his toothbrush despite me sending him to clean his teeth every night and him telling me he had done them. Not like he was going to get into trouble for forgetting his toothbrush, the shops sell them.

No wonder he complains his mum picks on him!!!

I don't wish to paint him in a bad light he is a lovely young man, who is kind caring and compassionate, but maybe when you are living it every day with your own it is different.

So generational or bad memory?

Sara1954 Tue 21-Sept-21 19:45:27

No, my daughter and oldest granddaughter will use one a couple of times.
It’s just one of those things I can’t do, possibly because as children we had a towel for a week, all hung in the bathroom together, and I was always really worried someone would use mine.
It’s a little luxury, and when it was only my husband and I it wasn’t a big deal.

Riverwalk Tue 21-Sept-21 19:38:01

Sorry, but I’m with the boys here, can only use a towel once shock

Does that go for the six of you?

V3ra Tue 21-Sept-21 19:35:38

CanadianGran

Sorry, but reading this thread has made me laugh. Oh, those teen boys! It's been more than 10 years since mine were teens.

My youngest son took sooo long in the shower in the morning! I found out later that he would actually lay down in the tub with the shower pouring and fall back asleep until the hot water ran out!

On the morning of my wedding my 18 year old brother spent 45 minutes in the shower and used all the hot water.
He couldn't understand why everyone was annoyed with him.

"But I just wanted to look nice for your wedding," he said ?

Yes... So did I!!!

pooohbear2811 Tue 21-Sept-21 19:34:04

Thanks for your replies, nice to know he is fairly normal.
I have cut him down to 1 can a day, rest is water, Stopped him taking food upstairs so stops the rubbish problem.

Sadly part of his illnesses are food allergies. Allergic to eggs, dairy, gluten, wheat and nuts so difficult to give him a "balanced filling diet"
But yes at home he is allowed to help himself to what he wants when he wants but as one of five children nobody notices what he eats. He is also home educated. Not sure how daughter affords to feed him to be honest

Madgran77 Tue 21-Sept-21 19:33:53

15 year old boy - piles of clothes - never stops eating - lies through his teeth (literally about teeth cleaning!!) - stuff all over the floor - puts on any old thing lying on the floor - yup all sounds par for the course!!

Pick your battles. Not all those things are important!

Hithere Tue 21-Sept-21 19:31:53

Bibbity

One word: Costco

pooohbear2811 Tue 21-Sept-21 19:26:53

Bibbity

My son is 7 and you have all terrified me.

Should I start stock piling food now in preparation?

maybe still cute enough to get adopted out???

Bibbity Tue 21-Sept-21 19:24:00

My son is 7 and you have all terrified me.

Should I start stock piling food now in preparation?

CanadianGran Tue 21-Sept-21 19:16:54

Sorry, but reading this thread has made me laugh. Oh, those teen boys! It's been more than 10 years since mine were teens.

My youngest son took sooo long in the shower in the morning! I found out later that he would actually lay down in the tub with the shower pouring and fall back asleep until the hot water ran out!

MissAdventure Tue 21-Sept-21 19:14:53

I'm surprised you ever get out of the house! grin
How do you keep up with it all?
I have p.e kit (indoor and outdoor) to wash, uniform, shirts to keep white, rugby kit and then football stuff 3 times a week.

Sara1954 Tue 21-Sept-21 19:05:50

Sorry, but I’m with the boys here, can only use a towel once.
Six of us in this house, never ending piles of towels.

TerriBull Tue 21-Sept-21 18:55:51

Reading through the thread, I do remember finding a whole empty litre tub of ice cream in my son's bedroom, actually in the wardrobe complete with spoon, which presumably he thought doubled up as a dishwasher, well why not it certainly didn't contain clothes, they were all over the floor hmm

BlueBelle Tue 21-Sept-21 18:45:10

Blooming heck jade NOT jace I m giving up here

BlueBelle Tue 21-Sept-21 18:44:11

Paper trail sorry not sure where jace came from

Hithere Tue 21-Sept-21 18:43:36

He is a teenager behaving like a stressed teenager.

Remember this situation is hard for him too

BlueBelle Tue 21-Sept-21 18:42:52

I had two girls and one boy The eldest girls bedroom was very nice my son and youngest daughters were like a tornado had hit it, never ever tidy dirty clothes pushed under the bed with the used cereal bowls My youngest daughter is still pretty untidy and her three are awful, bedrooms are complete tips with beautiful clothes hanging out on the floor
One of my grandsons used to eat his packed lunch on the bus TO school after having had breakfast !!! After coming home you knew exactly where he’s been as there would be a trail of clothes like a paper jade
Your lad sounds totally normal poohbear

MissAdventure Tue 21-Sept-21 18:38:47

grin
Then there is the silly noises...

theworriedwell Tue 21-Sept-21 18:37:31

Teenage boys are a joy aren't they.

freedomfromthepast Tue 21-Sept-21 18:37:09

I have girls, but these behaviors aren't unusual for them as well. I FINALLY won the bathing battle, but it is a fight to get her to brush her teeth daily. She also eats ALL THE TIME.

The behavior in the OP is exactly how my nephew has been. I think this is "normal" teen boy behavior. Not sure how past generations were though. It seemed pretty normal in my teenaged years in the 80's.

MissAdventure Tue 21-Sept-21 18:32:54

Mine is constantly in the bathroom, but doesn't seem to actually go near water during that time, luckily (I think!)
When he does, it's like a tidal wave when he gets out.

theworriedwell Tue 21-Sept-21 18:26:56

MissAdventure

That is a constant cause of upset here.
As an authority on everything, my boy informs me that it's dirty to use a bath towel more than once.

I think 3 towels twice a day is ridiculous. I keep telling him if he wants to have a planet when he's older he better start looking after it.

MissAdventure Tue 21-Sept-21 18:25:30

That is a constant cause of upset here.
As an authority on everything, my boy informs me that it's dirty to use a bath towel more than once.

theworriedwell Tue 21-Sept-21 18:13:25

I've got teenage grandson permanently due to issues with his stepfather. The food thing is pretty typical I think, I have to hide stuff but I think it wasn't an issue with my own sons as I couldn't afford to have lots of snacks in so they weren't tempted. I'm not prepared to stop buying things that my husband likes and I like so some things get hidden.

Count your blessings with the shower, I wish I had to nag GS. Mine seems to live in the shower, he's been here for a couple of months and I dread to think what the next water bill will be, long showers twice a day and an endless pile of wet towels. I'm trying to persuade him that he doesn't need to use 3 towels and you can actually hang a towel up and use it more than once.

V3ra Tue 21-Sept-21 18:01:29

I'm afraid that this all sounds very familiar to me as well!

My brother would fill a cake mixing bowl with cereal and a pint of milk when he got home from school. My Mum would say, "You'll spoil your tea" and he'd just roll his eyes ?

My two sons could also polish off a loaf of bread a day in addition to their normal meals.
My husband used to complain if I gave them more roast potatoes than him; he couldn't accept that they were still growing.

The only thing I'd query is the number of cans of drinks your grandson is getting through, especially if they're fizzy drinks.

Regarding his room... best not to get too agitated by it. Open the windows and shut the door worked best for me!
I used to strip the beds and leave the clean sheets and duvet covers out, though it might have taken a few days before they got round to putting them on.
As for the collection of rubbish in his room, I'd suggest the night before dustbin day you take an empty laundry basket up and get him to fill it and bring it down.

I think to a certain extent teenagers live parallel lives to the rest of us. They have so much going on in their heads and their bodies and at school.
They do come through and out the other side though, we just have to be patient and not sweat the small stuff while we're waiting for them to emerge ?

Sara1954 Tue 21-Sept-21 17:35:43

Things seemed to have changed a lot, my grandchildren, three of whom live with us, could eat all day, I say to my daughter, if we don’t buy it, they can’t eat it, but still the cupboard always seems to be full of junk.
The same with showering and tooth brushing, they are constantly having to be nagged, I really can’t understand it.
I won’t buy fizzy drinks unless it’s some sort of occasion, but one of my husbands niggles is that they constantly pour out glasses of juice, but never actually drink it.
They are incapable of putting a wrapper in the bin, school bags and kit are just dropped as they walk in.
I can’t just nag all the time, but I do despair at times, so, Poohbear, I feel your pain.