Buying presents for step grandchildren

It is tricky but I think what I would do is decide on the amount that you can afford to spend on Christmas for your grandchildren and then divide it to include an equal amount for all including the two step grandchildren. Money can cause so many problems and hurt feelings that to me, fair shares for all would be the way forward.

Divide the amount you can equally afford by 7.

If you show preference for the baby, it will create problems.

I agree with previous posters, that's the way to go Sophiasnana

I’m not sure I agree with previous comments. If the OP has only met the step GC twice briefly, she obviously doesn’t see much of them. Are they with their dad when she visits, or when son and partner come to visit her? Also being teenagers already, not so easy to buy for when you don’t really know them at all. Has she bought presents for them past Christmases?

I have no step GC, so no experience of this situation. I would be inclined to give them cash, most teenagers prefer this, and buy the new GD whatever the OP wants to. If she doesn’t spend the same on them as the others, that’s her choice.

Realise my views will not be what others may think.

My DH and I each have 2 children. The first Christmas we were married his (late) first wife’s family were invited for Boxing Day. They brought generous gifts for my DHs children but nothing at all for mine. They were 14 and 10 at the time. They’ve never forgotten and refused to allow members of that family to their weddings. I suggest you find other occasions to treat your new grandchild and give gifts of a similar value to all at Christmas.

I came across this a few times when working with families, and also in my extended family. I think that there are 2 thigs to consider:
I think you need an open conversation with your son's family. It sounds like you all get on well, so you can explain.
To help you in that conversation, you need to know, as far as you can, what relationship the children's dad and his family have with your step-grandchildren.
You would behave very differently in these 2 extremes:
Your step-GCs have no contact at all with their birth father's family and are seen by your son as his children.
Or: Your step-GCs have a close relationship with their birth father and his parents, and are bought nice presents by them.

I have known this compromise, but of course it depends on your own resources and gift-buying habits:
A mid-cost gift (or money) is given to all of the children at Xmas & birthdays. The 'top-up' for the birth grandchild is put into a savings account.

Whatever you decide, if it done openly and with love, then everyone usually understands. The step-GCs are of an age to understand, and will probably appreciate any recognition.

As I type this, I realise that I don't know if any of your existing grandchildren are your son's. I don't think it alters the principle, but may mean it's a little more awkward in practice.

I would also say that your step-GCs are fortunate that you are thinking of them - I have experience of the situation described by aonk!

MrJ has no children, I have two, with two GC’s by my daughter he is the GC’s Grandad. My son this year has a partner who has a daughter, we will treat all of the children the same at Christmas. Should my son and partner have a child, that child would be treated exactly the same as the others..

I would treat them equally at Christmas. You say their mother is a lovely girl - keep it that way!

As your son and his partner have just had a baby, presumably they are a family unit - she's not just his latest girlfriend, where it would be in order for you to buy token gifts for her children.

I am an almost step-grandparent, and I buy presents for the partner's children. What I didn't realise last Christmas was that their teenage cousin was also there; I had bought nothing for him and neither had my son and wife; we felt dreadful although we were assured that he really didn't mind.
This Christmas we shall definitely have a gift ready, even if it is only money.

To those of you who say that you would treat them 'exactly the same' you may need to consider that meaning that the step-GCs get double what your own GC gets!
It may not, but as so much depends on different circumstances, that is why an open conversation is needed.

It may also not matter much if the gifts are small - mid-priced, but many families rely on GPs for the computers, bikes, and other more expensive gifts.

Another compromise is to take the family out as a treat - to a Xmas show or similar, as a gift to them all.

I don't think it matters who else buys for them.
The issue is to treat them all as if they're family, which they are, unless you're prepared for a lot of bad feeling.

Sophiasnana, I've always made a point of treating all the children exactly the same. Some are stepchildren, some we see far more of than others - I think that's irrelevant, they are all family - and fairness is very important, especially to children.

(What other folk buy them is irrelevant too - to me. One grandson has five grannies (due to divorces/remarriages) so gets a lot of presents!)

my daughter in law (not married yet but i think of her as that) has a son (12) and i treated him as a grandson even before they had a child together, i give him money for birthdays and christmas as he saves it to get things like more expensive trainers or something he wants and his mother and my son will pay half the cost, he has his dad but no grandparents alive, i will sometimes see something for the little one who is two but will still give the older one some money when i see him, he is part of my sons family and just as much my grandson as the little one is. the children are part of your sons family so please treat them the same, my mum always got a few extra gifts like toiletries for teenagers and would slip a fiver or tenner in with it along with a selection box, it is not the cost of the gift, it is the fact that you bothered to get them something.

It is not about the number of presents, monetary value, etc

It is about making them feel like family, that you thought of them and have included them in the traditions, no matter whose dna they have.

Another consideration, given that the step-grandchildren are already teenagers, is do they have birth grandparents who might feel you were being a bit presumptuous in buying more than a token present for these children?
I think you need to consider their existing family's feelings and I'm sure you don't want to tread on any toes.
If you can, I think an honest and open conversation with your son's partner about what she feels is the best way forward would be a good idea.

looking at the ages I don't think it really matters how much you spend on the 4 month old, she's very young and she'll probably prefer the wrapping paper. Ask the 13 and 14 year old if they would prefer a gift or money and if its money perhaps wrap a small gift for present opening time. Are you all going to be together on Xmas day? if so I would try to spend the same for them all with the exception of the baby-you can buy her things at other times.
Just one thing the 2 step GCs will be grown ups soon so you won't have that many Christmas's with them

I would buy them all a universal gift card from the post office for the same amount each. They can all spend their card money in various places and choose what they want.

What would you do if your children go onto have 2 more biological children?

Bibbity

What would you do if your children go onto have 2 more biological children?

Divide the money by the bigger number.

Agree with Hithere, treat them equally.

Growing up, every Christmas I would be told that I would get less than my half brother (it was much less) because I would get presents from my father's side of the family, this didn't change year on year despite not getting very much at all. Some sweets maybe and some wrong size applecatcher knickers from my nan.

It might be hard to feel a strong bond towards step children but we should at least show they matter

I wouldn’t necessarily rush in to buy step grandchildren anything to be honest, unless they became a huge part of my life. I personally, would talk to my son, and see what he thought about it. I would be worried about stepping on the toes of the other real grandparents.

We both have an equal amount of GC so cost wise, it's never been a problem. Even when it emerged that I was not allowed to see two of my OH GC - by orders of his ex - we still gave them gifts of equal value to the others. This stung at first but they've now reach adulthood and no longer qualify, other than for a birthday card.
My advice would be to divide your budget equally for Christmas and treat the new GC in other ways. That may sound underhand but it is difficult having a relationship with children we don't see often. Apart from that , do these their children have grandparents from their fathers side?

My son has two stepsons whom we have known since they were eleven and thirteen respectively. They are now adults. I hope we’ve always been generous with them for Christmas and birthdays, but they have paternal grandparents whose feelings have to be considered. We have one grandson by DD, and he is, naturally, the light of our lives, and we are his only grandparents so I make no apology for saying we don’t count the cost with him and probably never will.