Grandchild dislikes me

The more you push the more your grandson will back away, a lot of kids hate feeling smothered, as others have said play with him and wait until he comes to you, dont force the situation.

I’m quite uncomfortable with a grandparent asking a child to sit beside them and hold their hand. I have actually seen this behaviour and didn’t like it. OP sounds very needy and the child should be free to make up his own mind as to whether he wants to hold anyone’s hand (except for safety reasons on the road obvs), not required to have physical contact with anyone unless he wants to. It cuts right across the ‘my body my choice’ message.

To be honest, if he is young enough to want to sit next to you and hold your hand, then he is too young for you to ask questions about his feelings for other people.m

My son was such a live wire that he would have hated anyone who tried to make him sit down and be still. He wanted adults who would play rough and tumble games, chase him and push him on the swing. Only when he tired did he sit next to someone to watch cartoons or read a book - but it was on his terms.

My youngest son however was quite content to cuddle up to his grandparents as it protected him from being pushed around by his big brother! But even then only for a short time, young children have such a short attention span.

Like others have said, watch your grandson quietly, observe what he likes to play with and just go over and start playing with those toys - as long as he lets you as you must not take over or invade his space. You might try sitting down and look at one of his books as his curiosity could make him wander offer and you can then talk to him about the book.

It might not be possible though to change his views quickly but assuming he is young, he will soon forget his current feelings towards you if you stop pressuring him. Above all do not take it personally, I really don’t think young children’s are capable of being deliberately horrible to adults.

DGD2 once announced that I only went to stay with them to make her cry! We had been battling to get out of the house to go to school and I had been quite fierce over missing school shoes since I had put them out for her and she had deliberately hidden them. I just laughed, and she was sweetness and light all the way to school. Don’t take a child’s comments so personally because he is not obliged to like you (or you him). You will come to a way of being together especially if you back off.

Don’t let it get to you and make more of it than it is although I can imagine how much it hurts you. I’m sure if you just relax a bit he will come to like spending time with you.

Good post Oopsadaisy

You are asking adult questions to a child.

Lighten up and get on the floor and play toys with him, stop asking him questions that confuse or worry him, it isn’t fair on him.
You are the adult , he is the child, look after him.

PLEASE do not force him to sit next to you or hold your hand.

It's very important to respect children's physical boundaries to ensure that we are giving giving consistent messaging. Bad touching is any touching that makes us feel uncomfortable. Children need to be taught that in order to help them understand about abuse. Now, I am NOT saying that YOU would ever abuse him. But a small child can have a hard time understanding why it's okay for Grandma to hug them when they don't want it but not okay for another person to do that.

Start slowly. If he is playing, show an interest. Ask him to tell you what he's doing. Eventually, work up to asking him if it would be okay if you give him a hug - or, if he doesn't want a hug, maybe he would be okay with a high five.

Children are fickle and can change their feelings overnight.
My 3 year old grandson who is very articulate, said once ‘ I really like Granddad ( my DH), but it’s all right because my sister really likes you’.
I just laughed.

He doesn’t have to like you, let alone love you. You sound very clingy, and kids really respond to that.

DonnaB5959

There have been similar posts recently from TopsyandTim regarding grandchildren perhaps if you find the threads there may be some answers there for you.

You cant force a relationship with a child of any age.. or even an adult for that matter!!
Show interest in whatever is being played with.. ask how it works.. you dont know how to play.. general questions about friends.. sit with a story book by yourself and giggle out loud.. curiosity always draws them out..
Let him come to you.
And little ones are still learning the impact of words.. like.. love.. no.. yes..
Hang in there.. just build things slowly..

It sounds like one of my worst scenarios.
Sitting next to granny, holding her hand while she questions me about who I love the most.

Yes, if he's 2 do things with him that he enjoys and don't be so intense. He may go back to other Granny and tell her how much he loves you.

If he's 14 he may not want his Granny to hold his hand.

Neither age group wants to be pressurised into answering questions like that.

You con't say how old the child is, but the part where you asked if he'd treat his other grandmother this way jumped out at me.

Why would you ask that? His other grandmother is who she is, you are who you are. Nobody, not even children, are obligated to feel the same way about everyone.

Respect his bodily autonomy. Don't try and push for him to sit beside you, hold your hand, etc. All that's going to do is increase his discomfort and reluctance.

From you OP, it sounds like you have some high expectations of your grandson in terms of emotional bond/relationship. Both of those things grow and evolve, and can't be demanded. The more you push, the less you're likely to achieve.

My 4 year old granddaughter, said just a few days ago “I don’t like you Nan”. I was shocked, but to make things lighter , I said “really? I am sad” and pretended to cry. She laughed. Ofcourse, I started jumping to all the wrong conclusions. A couple of years ago her parents (Dad is my son) and I had a fall out over something very silly and I began to wonder whether she has overheard her parents talking or her mum talking to her grandma. But then I dismissed those thoughts. I might ask her again if she likes me , the next time I see them. That’s another thing…….though we live in the same town, visits are few and far between. One of those things ….?

Like most others on here I think you are expecting way too much, as you are expecting him to sit beside you and hold your hand I m guessing he’s still pretty young To ask him why he doesn’t like you as much as others is really not a good thing to be asking, how embarrassing or confusing for him How would you feel if a friend asked you that question No wonder he just shrugs he’s no idea how to answer you ?
I think in your love for the little chap you have taken it too much to heart
Be natural with him have no expectations and play his games he can’t just sit by you
I think your worries will disappear if you just calm down have no expectations and just be fun Nanny not ‘over worrying’ ‘asking questions’ nanny

sorry to be blunt, but why should he like you.
he is an individual; we all have our preferences, you just seem annoyed that he has not yet acquired the social veneer of covering it up.
don't push it. let him be. if it upsets you, maybe you should avoid for a while.
he doesn't exist to met your emotional expectations.
don't try to guilt him into doing so.

I suggest getting involved with what he is playing with at the time. Ask what he would like for Christmas it might get him talking or he might just be a little shy. One of my granddaughters jumps on my knee as soon as I arrive wanting my attention. Her sister takes ages to even talk too me she gives me little smiles but stays away until it suits her. They are all different don’t take it heart.

I think Peasblossom makes a good point. Just let him decide how much physical contact he is comfortable with. And do let us know how old he is, also whether he has always been like this since he was old enough to make choices. I don’t mean to offend but is there anything about you such as long or painted nails or long hair or smoking that a little child might find scary?

I look after my 2 toddler granddaughters twice a week. One of them is very attached to me and would sit on my lap all day whilst the other who is exactly the same age does not come to me at all unless I sit on the floor with her and play with her favourite toy. I think maybe it is just a development stage they are going through and not about me personally so be patient I am sure your grandchild will come round to you soon. I am thinking mine will probably switch their attention at some point.

His age is very relevant in terms of why this might be happening. Without knowing his age, I don't feel able to comment further.

Yes, I wondered how old he was.

The first thing that struck me was the sentence about wanting him to sit beside you and hold your hand.

Lots of children will shy away from adult that seems to want to want physical contact with them, whoever they are. It has to come from them to the adult, not the other way about.

I think Hithere is right in saying it’s best to find out what he enjoys and do that with him. Even if it’s not what you enjoy.

I spent two hours yesterday making Lego models?

Yes we need to know how old he is OP!

I agree with Hithere the more you push the more he will back away. Don't make comparisons with other grandparents just relax and let him come to you.