Retire to care for 1yr old?

Would be the easiest decision of my life. I wouldn't think twice before saying yes! This is my dream come true. You can always do the drive the evening before or stay the evening after and drive home the next morning unless that's not an option?

Abracadabra

GagaJo

I agree TerriBull. It IS hard work. Exhausting sometimes, particularly when I'm teaching online and DGS is in the background being demanding.

But I saw how GP in China care for their DGC while the parents work and I also saw the amazing bonds they have with their GC and resolved to emulate it if I was lucky enough to have a GC. And now I do. And it's wonderful mostly.

Doesn’t that impact the quality of your teaching? I recall the poor parents who struggled to wfh with young children around - no choice then but now, employers apparently expect childcare to be used.

6 days a week is a LOT of childcare but clearly you love it and it works well for you. It’s just combining it with teaching online that I find a puzzle

Most of my lessons are scheduled around his school and bedtimes. I teach mornings while he's in nursery and evenings once my daughter has come home from work.

I DO also teach some lessons when I have him, but as they are private students I let them know there may be disruptions. It is rare that the disruptions are bad, although there has been the occasional yell of 'I need a poo!' in the background.

A friend is looking after her grandchild two days a week, 60+ miles away but the daughter didn't want her for two consecutive days where she would stay over so she has to do the journey twice a week and it's not an easy drive.

GagaJo

I agree TerriBull. It IS hard work. Exhausting sometimes, particularly when I'm teaching online and DGS is in the background being demanding.

But I saw how GP in China care for their DGC while the parents work and I also saw the amazing bonds they have with their GC and resolved to emulate it if I was lucky enough to have a GC. And now I do. And it's wonderful mostly.

Doesn’t that impact the quality of your teaching? I recall the poor parents who struggled to wfh with young children around - no choice then but now, employers apparently expect childcare to be used.

6 days a week is a LOT of childcare but clearly you love it and it works well for you. It’s just combining it with teaching online that I find a puzzle

I concentrated my work to 4 days a week, same workload but catching up in the evening an weekends. I worked at home a lot obviously, and still took the odd phone call when my grandson was with me. So I minded him one day a week and he usually stayed over. It was tiring at times, but those days were some of the most precious of my life. I did it when the next baby came along too. I have such a lovely relationship with the boys now (13 and 17). All the funny things they said, the little routines we had ........ lovely. It’s for such a short time too, and life goes so much faster when you’re getting old. Don’t retire until you are ready to do so, though, or you may regret it. Good luck.

Just wondering. I had only one child in my late thirties, back in the day when that was unusual. My family were unavailable to help and husband family lived overseas, so we employed au pairs and finally a junior nanny straight out of college. Are these people no longer available?

Thank you for your views. All very different as are all our families. To answer some questions. I lost my hubby 3 years ago. We have no other family as we were both only children, no other relatives. Her fiancé's family live very far away. I manage a small team and did flexi retirement to 4 days but increasingly don't want to do this any more. Not allowed to reduce hours. I can stay overnight when I go up there.

I was also working part time on other days and was very tired at the end of the week, but still used to love our days spent together

200 miles that should say

I should add that I had to do a round trip of 20@ miles to look after my granddaughter by train usually

I looked after my granddaughter two days a week for two years, the rest of the week she went to a child minder. I feel the time we spent together when she was very small was absolutely priceless and has given us a very strong, close bond now. My friend’s mother drove from Yorkshire to Cambridgeshire to look after her granddaughters one day a week for years. The rest of the time they were at a child minder. They also had a very close relationship. It’s not for everyone, but it’s a very rewarding thing to do if it’s at all possible.

So much depends on your circumstances and your daughter's.
Is she a single mother or has she a partner to share the care of the baby?
Does she have other children?
Is she prepared to take the baby to you and collect him afterwards?
Why does she want to to get back to work? Does she need the extra income or want to get back to a important and satisfying job?
Are there any other relatives/friends who could take on some of the childcare? eg the other grandparents?
You own circumstances - you are coming up to 65. Have you a husband/partner who is perhaps older and needs support ?
I've known women of 65 who are caring for much older spouses and in some cases their own parents!
It's not possible to give a simple yes or no without kowing all the details. All I would advise is think carefully before you commit yourself.

I get a bit hacked off when an op doesn't come back to answer questions or respond in any way to the good advice that's been given. It's just rude. And I know they don't need to but still. Rude.

I wouldn't reject it out of hand. Is there any way you could cut down your hours rather than retiring totally? If you cut down to 2.5 days it may well be possible to recruit someone on a jobshare basis to start with, & if that goes well there is a prospect of a near full time job for them when you retire in a couple years' time.It would be worth asking your manager & 2.5 days would allow for an overnight stay & you shouldn't be overwhelmed. 70 miles is a long way,but if you can avoid rush hour & you don't need to go through the worst traffic hotspots, may not be as bad as it sounds. You may have a little less pension,but you may also find it easier to ask your daughter to help you out in the future, if you have formed this extra bond with her family now.

To be honest I think it should be on the basis of " if YOU want to and not if you feel you HAVE to"!
My daughter is a 35 mile drive away and I'm happy to stay over on the odd occasion I'm asked to babysit.. Now is the time to think of you and you may well like and enjoy your job, you're number 1. remember that.

Don't do it!

I don’t enjoy driving enough to do a 140 mile round trip a day a week!
I happily went to DS and DDIL’s by train (4 - 5 hours journey door to door) for a weekend baby sitting or for the summer holidays etc when nursery was closed as well as school. That was several years ago now and I would really struggle to do it now especially as I have heart failure.
They know they’re very welcome to bring the DGCs down here any time if necessary and obviously I would do my best if I had to go to them in an emergency.
Committing to what you’re being asked to do is a very big ask, not to mention the costs involved.

I retired just after my GS was born but my DS and DiL were moving abroad so apart from helping with the move I haven't been involved with childcare. They are returning to the UK later this year and I plan to downsize and move nearer so I can be involved, but I've already said I'm not offering regular childcare but would be willing to step in when regular arrangements fall through due to illness or other emergency. I feel that I don't have the energy required to help on a regular (I'm 67 now) and I certainly wouldn't cope with a significant commute - I couldn't have coped with that distance when I worked!

I was a stay at home mum, but still remember how difficult it was to arrange for childcare on occasions for any sort of emergency as I didn't have any family nearby, so I hope what I've offered will be helpful without being too big a commitment for me.

I realise too that once I move nearer I need to build a new life for myself in the new area, make new friends and get involved in new things as there is no guarantee their family will remain where they plan to live in the longer term. If their jobs move them elsewhere I don't want to have to relocate again in order to have a life near them. I'm looking forward to living nearer and being involved, but can't put my whole life on hold to help them, knowing that as my GS gets older I'll no longer be needed.

I'll be moving to a much cheaper area with this move, not so much downsizing as down-pricing, so there are other benefits for me too. I'll be nearer other family and old friends who live in that part of the country, but it will still be a huge uprooting as I've lived where I am now for nearly 20 years.
I feel that I need this to be my last major relocation in my life as big changes get harder to make the older you get.

Whatever you decide I wish you luck, but I realised I need to be realistic about what I'm capable of, and offering to do something then finding it is too much to cope with would probably be a bigger let down than saying no in the first place. Make sure you aren't being pushed into something which is too big an ask!

No - not without a great deal of thought - what will you do with the other 3 days. How much does your social life connect with your work, you would lose a lot of that. Once a week is a a big commitment. At that distance there will be considerable mileage added to your car and the subsequent loss of value - can you afford all that. Much to ponder

Hithere

I feel a mistake women make is drop their own lives for family

What happens if these plans don't work?

You are your own person first, with your identity, a grandmother second

I mostly agree with this. However, GC are a lovely part of our lives. I enjoy playing a large part.

Bijou

Or because the mothers also want a career and a family, just like men have?

I know that these days mothers have to work because of financial problems but they should not expect their mothers to care for their children.
I didn’t have to look after my grandchildren but we are close.

Not impossible but perhaps not easy either Kryptonite. And of course OP may be in an occupational pension scheme and could lose out there.

In response to some comments. Her state pension would not be affected if she retired now. It would not be 'impossible' to find another job if she went back to work.

Yes definitely,I retired 17 years ago at 58 and ended up looking after my first grandchild,one of the most wonderful experiences of my life the bond that developed is still amazing——-I have 6 more GC now and have looked after all of them various days of the week,one an hours drive away,but so worth it——-the love you receive and give is unbelievable.