Need advice

I’m sat here tonight and just want to cry. Thank you for comments Think it really got to me that on Friday the girlfriend finished work at 5pm but, didn’t pick her up until 6:45 then when invited her in she stood in the porch holding the bag of clothes and just picked the little one up and went like I was no one. But, now it’s past that and I really don’t want her to start coming in because it’s passed that for me. My son came in from work at 2pm and said he was really tired but, then went to the pub with his mates. He works 3am to 2/3pm.

55katie ((hugs))
I hope you will feel better in the morning.

Slept on things and worked it out I have my granddaughter more than them. For me it’s going to be D-day. I’m going to sit my son down and talk also,my daughter because even though she has no children I have never treated one different from the other. I’m giving them 6 months to sort out places to live. And as for my granddaughter I am going to say I will have her until she goes school in September. But, I want one day in the week for me. Also, I have been getting her ready for bed baths and PJs I will not be doing that and finding out what time the girlfriend finishes work and telling my son to take her down then. God I hope this works without losing everything but, at this minute the way I feel I really don’t care. But, do really. This talk will only work if son will sit and listen and not walk away and ignore. At that point think I might change the locks and close blinds and ignore everyone. I have to admit I have spoke a little bit to daughter and she gave me the wobble of lip and then said do it, with an underline smile but, have to admit it did sound or come across like a threat from her. Which has made me think.

Katie people will treat you the way you let them treat you. But they will not respect you if you allow them to treat you wrongly. Be brave. Take a deep breath and do it. You are not doing anything wrong. You will feel better afterwards. Hopefully it's the start of a new chapter in your life.x

Does your son’s girlfriend rent her own home or live with relatives? If the former she may be able to get help with childcare through Universal. Credit.

His girlfriend lives with her mum,boyfriend,brother, 3 dogs and 2 cats a full house but, the mum who is nanna doesn’t want the girlfriend to leave the home and to be honest nor does the girlfriend. The girlfriend works full time and my son does that’s why I’ve got granddaughter full time. It used to be that her mum had her two days and sister one and me two days but the sister had a baby and stopped and the mum all of a sudden has took on more shift work. They cannot claim anything because they earn too much. That’s the crux my son want to be a family and them move but she won’t. The nanna drinks and smokes and with the dogs that how I’ve ended up full time looking after my granddaughter because he doesn’t trust them. It’s such a mess.

I am glad you have made that decision 55Katie well done. It may not be easy to say practice saying it in the mirror!
but keep saying it until everyone knows your plans and there is no going back on them.
Gosh DGD is small to be starting school this year but that is certainly a goal to think towards.

The others are all doing their own thing regardless of what you are thinking and doing. When you speak out It may cause ructions but that is really not your business. The girlfriend's home doesn't sound a healthy environment for a small child so if the other gran isn't prepared to alter her lifestyle to help out, then why should you continue to bear the load?
I hope you don't resort to locking yourself in however much you may feel like it just tell them straight out, what is going to happen. Sounds like your DD is already aware.
Good luck

It sounds like you’ve got a plan. Good!!. Does this poor child actually know her parents?

You’ve been doing waaaaay too much. I don’t think you can get help with nursery until the child is three, but that’s not your problem.

Be firm, enough’s enough.

Your son's in his 30's... presume the girlfriend is a similar age? If thet were teenagers I could understand thjs arrangement. Time for this pair to grow up!

Hello Katie, I am glad you have had so much support on this thread. You deserve it. I think you have had lots of suggestions which will strengthen your resolve. If your son collected his daughter by 3 pm every day that would be a big start. I worry that you are feeding your grandchild and son too. I hope he is transferring food and nappy money.
It is emotional blackmail when they know how much you love your granddaughter but you sound too tired to enjoy her.
I hope your talk this morning went well.
Please come back for support and don’t be bullied.

Surely they have enough money to put a deposit on a private rental home now? You do need to talk to them. I'm sorry they have taken advantage of you like this

It does sound as though you have been taken for a ride here.

I suggest you give 3 months notice (it might take that time to find alternative care) . Say you are finding it too physically demanding to continue full time care but would be very happy to help by doing : whatever you feel YOU are willing to do .

Your DGD will be entitled to some funded childcare soon so may not be such a financial hike for her parents.

She is their responsibility but I appreciate how close you will have become so it won't be easy for you either. Good luck.

Well that went well NOT. I had a word with the girlfriend this morning. Told her that she should have her dressed and communicate better than n what’s happening and get be me appropriate clothes for the day. Then my son came home from work I tried he dismissed me and said it sounded like his sister s words all I said was that I had had a word with his girlfriend about things and went through them exactly the same he turned round and said if she’s too much for you then just say and you will not have her. I said no you’re taking it wrong it’s more the other things that are making it worse and he goes like what go on like what ?? Then I knew he wasn’t listening to me.

I’m going to approach again but, it’s not good I did not even shout and kept my tone level. And didn’t say what I wanted too.

your son is acting like a single man, coming home from work eating showering then off to the pub! he should be looking after the child if she's still with you at that time till the mother collects her.

i would call their bluff

There's nothing for it but to say "Okay then, find other care now for the wee one unless you listen to reason".
Can you write it down?
I would suggest writing a list of what you would like to happen and give them all copies.
Keep it reasonable, clear and short.
Don't keep on explaining yourself to them as they are not listening.
They are behaving like overgrown, spoiled children so you have to be the grown up.

Perhaps you could show this entitled pair these messages.

Of course you don’t mean you don’t want your granddaughter at all....and they know it. They’re reacting like sulky teenagers.

However, if it does come down to the ‘ all or nothing’ decision, I would err on the side of ‘nothing’ for now. It can’t be doing you any good at all, and in turn...possibly makes you unsafe to look after a two year old.

No contest there I would have thought.

Thanks so much for all the help it really put things in prospective for me. I did write things down because being miss heard and I have let them read and I’m not backing down from what I have said. The girlfriend did say well she will get her mum to do things but she point blank refused. But, the girlfriend does still live at home so she sees her anyway.

Little update thanks again. The other nanna is having her for one afternoon which is today. My son informed me that he will take my granddaughter when he has had a sleep and bath down to the nannas where my granddaughter lives and having teas there. The way he came across was like he was being badly treated and that I cannot cope which has angered me but, let them play silly games. All because I wanted him to help round the house while I had my granddaughter like pick up the dirty washing and wet towels you know the basics. But, they have decided to go down the take the granddaughter away one. And that’s fine. It hurts but I will get used to it. So the games begin.

Sounds like you’ve made a step in the right direction. Keep doing it!

I wish you well

55katie

I don’t get anytime my daughter who lives at home said I need to sort it. By the way my both my son and daughter are in there 30s.. My daughter comes home works for 6 months then goes travelling I feel like my house is a hostel. It’s only small bungalow and only has two bedrooms they bed hop one sleeps in the day and the other has at night.

You say this son with the 2 year old is in his 30s, katie?

I'm astonished. He's not a young Dad - he's old enough to find somewhere else to live with his girlfriend and to make other arrangements for the little girl. He needs to up his game, care for his own family and stop taking you for granted.
You could tell him you're happy to care for her a day or two a week if you want to - but it should be a pleasure, not a chore.
You sound worn out.

And you say your daughter is in her 30s too and likes to work for six months then go travelling like a gap year teenager?
And tells you to sort it out?
She's taking you for granted too.

It's time you stood up to them both and said enough is enough. As Baggs say perhaps you need to take an assertiveness course so you can be firm without getting upset.

They are adults. You are too kind.
Good luck.

Even after reading your update I still think he needs to start becoming more independent.
In his 30s? Or is that a typo?

Good luck again, look after yourself

Perhaps you could show this entitled pair these messages

Yes, I thought that too
They need a wakeup call