Hi Gagajo,
Thank you for your response & I totally agree with the fact that relationship damage is occurring .This is something that will damage GC also if my DD continues to act out this way .
Elegran, Confusion possibly due to frustration apologies .However a hand was trodden on by a bare foot . Total of Grandchildren 5 which is 4 GD & 1 GS 15.12,11,9,8 yrs.
My experience is that a son or daughter may well see favouritism where none was ever intended. I know I love without favouritism but a lot happens in life that can build up someone else’s picture of us. We are all fallible. I have listened to a lot of hurt. I don’t think ‘justice’ comes into this as we really don’t have any rights over someone else’s feelings. I think the best we can do is to try really hard to listen, to show love (never criticism). You do not want to lose trust but to find a good way forward.
I know it’s all difficult but I wouldn’t blank’ what sounds to me like a cry for attention and help.
Good post GagaJo.
If it were me Nanatuesday I would refuse to discuss it any more and tell her so the next time she mentions it. If she's with you and carries on, walk away. If it's during a 'phone call and she continues, tell her you'll end the call if she doesn't stop, and if she doesn't, hang up.
I share your frustration. My DD is very critical and sees fault at all times. I'm sure at times I am at fault, but who is perfect?
The whole 'toxic' parenting phase we seem to be in at the moment is wearing. Ironic too, given that many of those being so critical are themselves parents and will soon be in the firing line from their own offspring.
I have no answers. Don't see the point of all the aggro. What I do think is that this can have a permanent effect on parent/child relationships. No one wants to be a punchbag.
There is some confusion in your post. The foot that was trodden on became a hand in a later sentence, and the total number of grandchildren doesn't add up.
I'm wondering if this jealousy goes way back, and your daughter always felt you favoured your son over her?
So now she's looking for "evidence" you favour his daughter over hers?
I feel that I am now on an ever turning wheel with this one .
My DD has over the years "issued statements "to me via rants about Favouritism of GC.
To put into context DD has three Girls Teen,11,9. Son has one of each GS 12 , GD 9.
Three GD's similar ages, all lovely girls . DD lives some 80miles away Son locally . Which coincidently does not mean that I or Grandad or myself see the Local GC any more than maybe a few hrs a week or sometimes for me once every few weeks as my Son now co-Parents with shared responsibility ( Grandad & myself divorced many years -but we do things as a Family together)
Thats the Family dynamics . The issue is that it has over the years become a bit of a "Thing" with my DD accusing both myself & her Dad of Favouring the GD who lives locally .
For Instance for the last 6 years we have taken all three girls & GS on a Summer Holiday ,last year everyone joined us . My SIL questioned my Husband on whether "I favoured the other GD"!!!
Its not nice as its normally over the phone (due to the distance) & is now spoiling any enjoyment .
What I have worked out is that my DD questions her 2 Girls on the time spent with us & bear in mind that when they visit our home she is with them .Also due to Covid that has only happened a few times in the last 2 years.
Let me give an example or two.
Earlier this year or it may have been Autumn 2021 I received a call from her , telling me about a visit to her home the day before with Grandad & our local GD . Apparently Local GD trod on the foot of 11yr old GD while upstairs in the bedroom (with no shoes -I hasten to add) the response to her cousin whose foot it was "WHoops" .DD was telling me this or led up to telling me this & I was being lured into thinking she was just relating a tale of the day . But no , I was then told she should of said "Sorry" My reaction to that was , I imagine that was GD saying sorry . Obviously not the correct response here ! It turns out when I asked Hand was not hurt, bruised, cut or damaged . Did GD come down to tell you ? No . So what had occurred was after the visit the 2 GD's related word for word any convos etc exactly as DD seems to have primed them to .or she questions them .This telephone convo was in a public place & I had to tell her I was disconnecting the call .
The point being I was not even with them but I was being accused of favouring & defending one over the other .Then yesterday we had a repeat .Thursday I took advantage of us all being together to do my eagerly anticipated & talked about by all 3 GD's EGGHunt .
A lovely afternoon or so I thought, Both SON DD & Grandad were here (Husband had to work) Eggs Collected ,Sunshine Eggs given out with other fun things done.
Late afternoon yesterday , I had no indication that anything was brewing, amiss . A call not unusual as we are actually close & DD normally calls daily ( I know it sounds as if we are not close & I know I'm not delusional re this )
Anyway, Phone call "How was your Good Friday" I told her where, what etc collecting freshly baked HotCross Buns from Bakers ,meeting DS his partner her Mum & GD at a local event .
Then whoosh there it was "You Did" "You Said "
"I know you don't think you do favour etc" OMG it was out of the blue ( as per ) & left me in tears .
my reaction was to actually address it head on . I just came out with "you mean the whole time we were sat in the garden you were watching every move & listening to my every word just so you could pull me up !!
I ended up saying that she has a problem & needs to look at herself & ask herself why she is doing this what her problem is . I did also say to appease her more than anything that I did not think I favoured one over the other but it could be an unconscious thing .All 3 are different ,And in that her 2 are very much involved in things that in my opinion they should not be whether its the Politically Correct Woke or in appropriate TV Viewing I accept that as they have an older sibling they will be subjected to these things more.
Ironically, my eldest GD I am close is at the age where she either comes to visit or does other things. However as the eldest & with that gap in ages I spent a lot more time with her & we'd go on days out together , we never had this with her so I see this as Jealously .
I would like to have some ideas on how to deal as I am now at my wits end & need to address this face to face .
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