I please need some perspective from a grandmother point of view.
I’m almost 40, expecting my first child. She is not yet born but already blessed with a heap of well meant gifts (mostly clothes) from friends and family.
It’s my mom’s first grandchild and she is understandably very excited. One of her love languages and enjoyments in life has always been “bargain hunting clothes”. She means well but her and my taste in style have always greatly varied since I was a child. If she gifts me clothes now, they’re usually way too big and very very outside my spectrum of aesthetics (for myself).
Over the years I have tried to address the sensitive topic and possibly steer her “gifting” into a more mutually satisfying direction but she reacts very emotionally and hurt even at the slightest notion that I possibly don’t like the item.
She lives overseas and has already accumulated heaps of baby clothes to bring on her next visit. Unfortunately most of them quite old fashioned style, extremely bright colors and some of them downright ugly.
I’m more the plain, classical color type (navy, grey, black, white) - simple, clear lines etc. If I wouldn’t wear it, chances are I wouldn’t dress my baby in it.
My mother in law is also very thrilled about the new addition to the family. Her life has traditionally always revolved around caring for family. So when her daughter moved overseas with her other two grand daughters 3 years ago, it left a big gap in her life.
The clothes she buys are exclusively pink and very girly (unicorns, animal print, little princess etc.). I can take pink as a normal colour to go with other colours, but I loath the little princess look in a tutu.
I know grandparents don’t shop for MY daughter, they shop for THEIR grandchild. However, both seem a little too obsessed dressing “the new doll”. I have certain values I have in mind for my daughter which includes not to be too materialistic (way too many clothes to wear, too many unused toys), not being pressed into a girly girl image (very gender stereotypical).
Taste differs and to some of you I sound very spoilt (it’s a gift after all) but it’s also a burden. I have to yet again face hurting their feelings by not being thrilled about the gift. Or having to find storage space for it long enough to justify giving it to charity later on. I would much rather prefer they use the money to spoil themselves a bit, they deserve it.
I do show them examples of stuff my husband and I like but again, they are not buying for us, they’re buying for themselves.
I am asking the grandmothers in this forum for advice how to broach the subject in a peaceful manner with both ladies.
I read many times that mothers put on the unwanted outfit, send a picture to their mom or MIL, change the child out of it and then give the clothes away. Whilst this might be a short term solution, it doesn’t sit right with me and certainly just perpetuates the problem.
How would you want to be approached on a scenario like this for the most successful outcome? Little white lies to keep the peace or ripping the bandage off quickly?
