Overnight sleeps

eazybee

This post needs to be read in conjunction with Jaydee Tas's post Where do I draw the line to understand this family situation.
Not a straightforward one, and my sympathies are with her partner.

You are right, it has been tough.
I was interested to read your sympathies are with my partner.. I want to be really clear here.. I don't do anything unless my partner agrees.. If I am asked to have my GS, I always discuss it with him first. Like tonight. It didn't suit my partner so I said no.
If I didn't care about his thoughts and feelings, I wouldn't have posted on here asking for advice..
If I misinterpreted your message, I apologise.

Some are anti co-sleeping. I was, until my DGS was born. He was a co-sleeper for about a year and a half. It was the only way he slept properly.

Been in his own bed for 2 years now. Prefers it. Mum snores.

Co-sleeping scares me greatly.. my GS is literally in my sons arms all night.. hence my desperation to help them with the sleeping routine. I never had to with my sons..

Chewbacca

If it suits you, and it suits the child's parents, what does it have to do with anyone else? If you're happy then do it!

Absolutely this! If it works for everyone involved, then who cares what anyone else thinks?

LOUISA1523 you say surely it depends on what works within your own family.

well of course it does, that goes without saying!

The OP asked !

lemsip

LOUISA1523 you say surely it depends on what works within your own family.

well of course it does, that goes without saying!

*The OP asked !*

I was responding to your comment.... '3 month old baby should be with mother and father' ?

Oh my gosh, it's just the co-sleeping that scares me, they could so easily lay on top of their baby and suffocate him!!
Otherwise, how lovely to have your GS stay a night a week or fortnight or whenever. It can lead to a closer bond between you and him, and the parents can have a date night or sleep in!
I adore having mine sleep over.

This could be the beginning of a very dangerous dynamic - them handong their kid(s) to you when it is convenient for them

Personally I think a 3 month old needs his/her parents, we are talking about a baby.

Mine all co slept at various times
I don’t see any problem with one night a week if you’re happy and they re happy

The first time we had my GD overnight she arrived with four foolscap sheets of instructions. I have a lovely photo of her sitting on my knee looking at the instructions as I was telling her that she was not obeying them!
A couple of years later her brother arrived and there was a bit of a difference. The kids were almost thrown in and the parents ran!

i take it the OP is not a single person.
she has a partner.
that is the difference.
she has to think very carefully. or else the relationship with her partner may not survive.
i thought on first reading that it wa a typo, and that the child was 3 years not months.
the parents need to learn how to look after their own child properly.
if they hand him over to you, you may be left holding the baby alone, without a partner.
and then if they move, or change their mind, take the baby back, and you are left bereft.
i guess your partner did not envisage becoming an add-on step GF, with care of a child in his living quarters. he could reasonably have supposed that stage was in the past.
it's tricky all round.

Not a bad thing at all. If you're all happy that's all that matters.

My DILs mum is basically living with them so they have a live in nanny.. they will always have the ability to have someone else look after him.

I am very concious of my partner. He loves having my GS here. It is the overnight he is concerned about. Today we spoke about why he felt so strongly about this and basically, he is worried about me..
See, I work full time and manage a business. I do a lot of hours and he was worried I will crash and burn because he thought I felt obligated to take my GS.
I assured him I was fine. None of us want to make this an expected routine. It will always be because I want to and my partner is happy with it to.

It is entirely up to those involved, but since you ask, that would be a big NO from me! It sounds as though the parents need to learn to deal with the baby's sleep habits (yes, and I have experience of sleepless babes), and they must take responsibility for such a young baby. It sounds as though the parents are wishing to outsource childcare to both grannies. There will be plenty of time when he is older to have him stay overnight.

Do it.

I used to have my granddaughter every Saturday night that went on for 6 years then her parents divorced and I don’t get it anymore. Id give my bad teeth to do that again. Also my partner used to moan guess what he’s also no longer around. I have to go to visit my son to see my granddaughter when it’s his weekend to have her and as he lives miles away now. It’s not very often.

We love every opportunity to have our GS, it can be tiring but the bond you build and the fun you have outweighs everything else. A lot of gransnetters will be saying lucky you!

Ps Our GS is 8 and has own bedroom at our house which is great for all of us ?

JaydeeTas

My partner is the main one. He firmly believes they should not be asking me to do this. I thought he was put out by it as he still wakes for a night feed but we have a spare room he is not interrupted.

There is no routine had my Sons house. In a previous thread I spoke about how they just live their lives and my GS just needs to fit in.

Your 'partner' can be 'unpartnered. Your family on the other hand is your family. I wouldn't let this 'partner' continue in his role as my 'partner'. He is not a good 'partner'.

I had one of my grandchildren stay overnight since he was about 6 weeks old, due to parents work patterns.
The other two have been staying since they were about 3 months old.

Why on Earth shouldn’t they ?

They love coming to grandma’s and so they should ☺️

Sorry setting a bad example to who?

All mine have stayed over with me, sometimes a week or more at a time in holidays . I stick to the same routine, and if they staying with you regularly it becomes part of their routine. All my grandkids are well adjusted and very close to me.
I think having grand parents involved can offer a calm well balanced upbringing. My kids would get stressed with their kids I don’t.
In the end of the day, it’s up to you and the parents and no one else business. if you think you can cope go for it. I still enjoyed every moment of it.

I’ve been astonished by how much help of this sort my younger friends with babies have received from grandparents! I don’t know how old you are, but my energy levels have become very unreliable over the last few years, and I don’t know if I’d have the stamina to look after small children regularly. So any arrangement like that would have to be understood by the child’s parents to be very flexible from my side.

Who determines what age a baby should be left with Grandparents? Surely it should be the parents, not the grans on GN!
If you want to look after your grandchild and your partner is happy, go for it. If your partner is unhappy then that is where you need to make the compromise.

Personally I (we) wouldn't do it. Not because I think a baby that age should be with its parents, but simply because we hate our sleep being disturbed! We have never had any of our GC stay overnight without their parents and we don't babysit either unless it's an emergency. We've done our parenting, we're not starting again now.

I looked after both my grandchildren overnight from about 3/4 months old. Loved it.