My place or your place?

I'm sure they have their reasons and it's early days. As the child gets older, visits to the beach will have more appeal. I can't see a 6 month old finding any benefit yet. Their reasons may have nothing at all to do with you, so don't take it personally.

My parents, who did live further away, did the bulk of the visiting by far when we had young children.

There's a lot of emphasis on seeing the child in your post. It's not very motivating to put effort into a relationship with someone who seems to brush you aside and is only interested in your child. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but think about whether it might come across this way.

If I lived in an apartment with a child I would love visiting my parents if they lived beside the sea.

Perhaps not nadatetube if it was rubbed in that you were in an inferior situation

I think that there must be a lot more to this story than the bit we re hearing

Possibly Bluebelle

Some people don't like the beach.

I think some of the comments on here have been a bit harsh on you Mariana72
Obviously it is your son’s decision if he would always prefer you to go to them, but I do wonder why he and his partner couldn’t make the effort to visit you sometimes.

Yes they have a baby but he’s six months old so they will have got used to what they would need to bring for a day out at your house (which sounds lovely by the way!)

You mention that your husband has a heart condition which your son must surely be aware of. Then there’s the fact that it’s hot and your car doesn’t have air conditioning which would make a 25 mile journey very unpleasant.

It does seem very strange to me as we sometimes visited my parents and in laws when all of ours were small, and sometimes they came to us, and it’s the same now when we see our grandchildren.

Anyway for the time being I guess you will just have to go along with their wishes unreasonable though they seem.
I’m pretty sure once your little grandson starts walking they will see the benefit of visiting grandparents who live by the sea with a lovely shady garden!

Nice post JenniferEccles.

You are so lucky ! I have to drive 200 miles to see my grandchildren.

The Child ..?

Lots of good advice here. Just do as they ask without comment.

Husband and I did fortnightly visits to my parents for a lot of years. They have both passed . We have visits with my son , Dil and two grandsons at their place every three weeks. I do whinge but husband and I are retired (he doesn't have the greatest of health) currently both grandsons are in car seats oldest loathes going far in the car.
I do expect as driving to see them becomes problematic, they will visit us.
As many others have said at least we see them

My suggestion? Apart from echoing “up to the parents”, why not say to your son rhat you would love to have him to visit especially whilst he is not working, and take the baby to the seaside, it would be a great pleasure but only if it works for him, and is there anything you can do or plan to make a visit work for him? But if he says no, arrange to go to see him!

Hmm, my first thought is how difficult it is to travel with a young baby any distance at all, let alone a 50 mile round trip. You have to pack everything bar the kitchen sink and not all youngsters enjoy being in the car - thinking here of my 1 year old DGD2 who often wails miserably in the car!
I'd say go with what's easiest for the parents at this stage.

Well said Hithere!

They must be mad if they don’t want to visit you for the odd weekend - I would! Baby would love it x I hope they don’t regret this daft ruling. Our D in law imposes similar, and grandchildren are scared of us !!!
Your English is fab by the way xx

In the hope of avoiding trouble both now and later, you gracefully accept the young parents' ruling.

It might too be a very good thing if you visited less frequently for a while.

You did not say how often you go, but as you are finding driving the distance involved tiring, I would cut down on it. If your son or his gf ask why, say as nicely as possible that you are finding the drive tiring.

Have any reasons been given for their stipulation? It will not seem unreasonable to them if either you or your husband smoke, or if your son's partner is allergic to pollen, house-pets (if you have any) your washing-powder or anything else, and hopes to prevent her child from developing similar allergies.

But whether it is reasonable or not, grin and bear it - there are a lot of grandparents on this site and elsewhere who wish with hindsight that they had not chosen to object to their children's rules for their children.

Objecting or even commenting leads all too easily to family quarrels and estrangement.

You’ll just have to stick to their idea of how it should be. Yes you are right, garden and by the sea, is ideal. However I’d just go along with them as you get on well. Believe me, put your views across too often and that can all change. How about inviting them for a day, bbq or something now and then. Gosh it is hard once grandchildren come along, also do her parents have to go there too to visit? maybe it’s just the travel, and carting everything with them. Whatever the reason go with it for the moment and see how things are as he gets older x

I’ll play devils advocate here. Maybe they don’t want to take a very young baby on 50 mile round trip. Be patient. Be understanding. Believe me when they need help (and they will) you will be asked.

Doodledog. Your mum seems very selfish. I live in Essex and my older daughter lives in Berkshire and it takes me three hours and three trains to get there, which bus to the station and a cab from the station at her and if she cannot pick me up for some reason. I’m 71. I don’t have a car and if I did I don’t think I’d want to drive all that way on the M25. Maybe if you saw less of your mum and she complained you could tell her that you don’t want to be the one having to go to hers all the time.

Six months parental leave yes, but I doubt he’ll have “all the time in the world” - I imagine he’ll be quite busy during that time.

Parental leave to take care of a baby is very misunderstood

Ir is a very stressful time, it is not leisure time at all. Barely any breaks, very little adult interaction and it is to take care of baby first, not cater to family's expectations

Parental leave is not a vacation

JenniferEccles

I think some of the comments on here have been a bit harsh on you Mariana72
Obviously it is your son’s decision if he would always prefer you to go to them, but I do wonder why he and his partner couldn’t make the effort to visit you sometimes.

Yes they have a baby but he’s six months old so they will have got used to what they would need to bring for a day out at your house (which sounds lovely by the way!)

You mention that your husband has a heart condition which your son must surely be aware of. Then there’s the fact that it’s hot and your car doesn’t have air conditioning which would make a 25 mile journey very unpleasant.

It does seem very strange to me as we sometimes visited my parents and in laws when all of ours were small, and sometimes they came to us, and it’s the same now when we see our grandchildren.

Anyway for the time being I guess you will just have to go along with their wishes unreasonable though they seem.
I’m pretty sure once your little grandson starts walking they will see the benefit of visiting grandparents who live by the sea with a lovely shady garden!

Hi, I wouldn't call the comments harsh but maybe pointless, yes. Asking for details that I have already provided in the main post or implying that there's something "shady" about the story (who in their right mind would post the minutiae of any very personal situation on an public internet forum, I wonder??) or that I am trying to put down my son's house or lyfestile or whatever (my son makes more money in a month than husband and I combined ever did) doesn't really help anybody and ultimately it becomes just a huge waste of time to reply to those comments. Most of the other inputs have been indeed very helpful and I am very grateful for them as they have given me food for thought, which is what I needed, and if I do not reply to each of those individually it's because there are many more than I expected and it would require a lot of time.

«but I do wonder why he and his partner couldn’t make the effort to visit you sometimes.» This is the crux of the matter. I had a brief conversation with son yesterday; I understood that he is going along with the way other couples their age deal with this issue: basically while when we were young parents it was us who visited the grandparents, now it seems it's the other way around. Like I wrote somewhere, it felt a bit like they were not willing to meet us half way (nor even 70%/30% of the way) and that feels a bit entitled and manipulative to me. I honestly do not know how this will progress but I do not see them changing their ideas, the relationship with older people is not what it used to be; entitlement, I am afraid, runs rampant with this newer generation, and I am not willing to change who I am for fear of being emotionally blackmailed (via the child) into doing everything they want. And when I say "they" I should specify that the problem is actually my son rather than the gf who is a sweet girl and prefers not to be caught in the middle.
We will see if my son comes to his senses. All we ask for is a bit of meeting not even half way but one third of the way. That would already mean a lot to us.

As I have said on a similar forum in the past, be careful you are walking a very fine line here. Their child, their rules. In my experience after a while they will settle down and relax a bit, they are more than likely tired overwhelmed and out of their comfort zone. They have to find their feet together on their own. It is a huge adjustment. Don't say anything just be polite and loving. It can be frustrating but let a bit of time go by, they will get used to things and might even like a break down the track. Keep your mouth zipped up.

Dillonsgranma

You are so lucky ! I have to drive 200 miles to see my grandchildren.

200 miles? My parents lived in another country and my mother had serious mobility problems so I spent my youth flying with 3 small children across countries, sometimes as often as 3 times a year for my parents to see them even it it was just for an extended week-end. And mostly by myself, because more often than not, husband could not take time off to be with us. But I adored my parents and there was nothing I would not do to please them and maybe that's the difference.

Peaseblossom

*Doodledog*. Your mum seems very selfish. I live in Essex and my older daughter lives in Berkshire and it takes me three hours and three trains to get there, which bus to the station and a cab from the station at her and if she cannot pick me up for some reason. I’m 71. I don’t have a car and if I did I don’t think I’d want to drive all that way on the M25. Maybe if you saw less of your mum and she complained you could tell her that you don’t want to be the one having to go to hers all the time.

It's a bit late now, really, as she's 86 and no longer drives.