Kissing grandchildren?

Children who are protected end up with more severe allergies. They need to be subjected to germs and allergens in order to build protections from them.

Babies need to be protected from serious diseases that cold kill them because they can not be vaccinated against them.

There is a huge difference and protecting a baby is the opposite of daft.

I’ve been doing a little bit of Googling (from reputable sources) if anyone’s interested.

Apparently while babies are milk fed they don’t develop any immune systems of their own but rely on what was provided by the mother in the womb, then a “wash”” of immunity as they come out and then whatever is supplied in breast milk.

Their immune systems don’t start to develop until weaning begins when changes in the gut bacteria trigger it.

Isn’t that interesting. And actually shows why exposing under six month old to viruses can be so dangerous. If the mother can’t pass on immunity to a virus because she hasn’t had it then the baby has no defence at all.

Having read all about that I think no kissing is very sensible given that most viruses are passed on through droplets.

Exactly. It is well documented medically, that children with severe allergies are those who are over-protected and over clean, over disinfected, etc. Not kissing related- but part of the picture.

We are not talking about all and sundry, not talking about big sloppy kisses- but grand-parents, FGS.

Oh goodness people are getting so daft. My grandson hasn't liked to be kissed since he was very small he was afraid of germs. This doesn't not stop me kissing him on the top of his head. He is 18 now and he survived my onslaughts well.

Well said imaround.

The world has changed, International holidays and travel are the norm rather than just for the lucky few, but with that comes new viruses daily which babies are too young to be vaccinated against,

My son and dil and also get a no kissing rule (but also it was during the pandemic and I couldn’t travel to visit then anyway), and are also raising their child to ‘respect their autonomy’, which means they aren’t asked to hug people and if they say no I don’t want a hug, that is respected. DS had to do an online course on sexual abuse signs (he was teaching young children for a freelance role and had to do some kind of safeguarding course first) and they spoke about children that aren’t taught this are vulnerable to think adults have a right to touch them, they don’t understand the difference as littlies to good or touching.

I remember being made to hug and receive kisses from friends/relatives and HATING it. I think I probably did this to my sons too, but I think when they were small if your child refused a hug or kiss they were seen as rude.

Things change, not all I agree with. My gc only is allowed to wear organic clothes free of plastics (excepting out wear and foot wear) which makes buying for my gc rather a damp squib as those clothes are all rather dreary or traditional, but it’s also not my problem and I don’t live in the country so ??‍♀️

Oh jeez. I understand that the OP is going to follow the parent's wishes on this, but this whole attitude of "how did my children survive" when grandparents are expected to adhere to new practices is just strange to me.

Were your children in car seats? Would you tell your son/daughter not to put your grandchild into a car seat now because, of course, they survived without one?

Babies born right now are born in a time where there is so much disease in the world, it is no wonder parents are cautious. Babies could catch Covid, RSV, Monkey Pox, Polio and now herpes from cold sores. They could die.

My own child spent 2 nights in the hospital at 2 months old with RSV because a relative who did not care about what viruses she brought with her when she visited. She thought, I just have a cold, no big deal. Until it wasn't.

Kissing a baby is not necessary and, IMO, expecting to kiss one or being upset about not kissing one is selfish. You are thinking only about what you want. You would feel horrible if, in the rare case, you transmitted anything too your grandchild and they ended up in the hospital fighting for their lives.

I never was a GC kisser either. Nowadays, I'm privileged to receive a high five from one whereas the other rushes at me like a bulldozer. Neither cares for me more or less than the other. I love and am fascinated by their differences. Funny (but lovely) old world.........

I have been able to kiss both of my grandsons (4 & 1). They have probably passed on more viruses to me than the other way round. My 4 year old grandson is now asked before I offer kisses, but he frequently comes to me first.
However for the OP, as you have said - their baby, their boundaries. I hope you get to offer kisses soon.

People talking about lack of immunity in the baby are being silly. The child is meeting other people and being held by the grandparents, not living in isolation.

www.robinafamilydental.com.au/blog/5-facts-on-how-dirty-our-mouth-is-30214.html#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20toilet,germs%20than%20the%20rectal%20area!

I looked after my first grandson five days a week from the age of 6 months until he started school. Lots of cuddling but I don't remember ever kissing him. Perhaps he wasn't that sort of baby? On the other hand it's great fun to creep up on his younger brother and kiss him when he isn't expecting it.

But we are not talking about 'endless relatives' are we?

I have taken uner my wing a young couple who have no great-parents- and I felt so happy that they just handed their baby 3 years ago for a cuddle, and the new one a couple of months ago- and watched, happy to have a surrogate granny they can trust. Wonderful. There is nothing like hugging a new baby- and kissing the top of the head gently (not fat sloppy kisses).

Philippa, I would be very sad too. And honestly, all this uber protection is not good fo a baby's development and immune system.

No don't kiss the baby. Your mouth carries ridiculous amounts of germs and infectious diseases.

What is wrong with just hugging the baby?

Gin

To me, current ‘rules’ about child care seem extremely over the top, it is not just kissing. A friend has just returned from giving a hand looking after her daughter’s baby and is a nervous wreck! She said she wondered how her three children survived, the things that she did then that are now classed as wrong: bathing the baby every day; sitting him in a bouncy chair; feeding him more than one type of food at the same time. The list was endless, she felt she needed to go on a retraining course!

Many things have changed with time because more research has become available on safety when it comes to babies/children. Walkers and such are fine for short periods of time but are actually harmful to babies legs and hips. That’s just one example.

Thanks everyone, I welcome all the inputs

100% normal and 100% reasonable. I would Google pictures of some of the transmissible diseases that babies are susceptible to from people kissing them. It may have little to do with Covid but more likely to do with things like the herpes virus. Before you get defensive, herpes is highly contagious and you may not know you have it. I’d respect their wishes without question and without an eye roll, that will only cause tension and mistrust.

What lathyrus said

It is very different what a baby needs and people around him want

Other posters have a great point about just having got over covid and the variants around, plus flying from abroad

The baby is precious for the parents - their main focus

Rules may seem over the top but there also may be reasons why they have those rules

Please enjoy the visit with them and do not spoil it for a mole being made into a mountain

I think we’re all getting a bit over the top here. Babies dying and going blind with herpes. I’m sure it’s happened, in about one in several million cases!

It is rare, maddyone but of sufficient concern to carry a warning on the NHS website.

Many people carry the herpes virus even if they have no symptoms and don't realise it.

Anyway, with Covid still around, I think it's a sensible precaution with a young baby.

Iv always kissed and cuddled my grandchildren.....When my GC are going home their mums always say "give granny a hug"....If my D or Dil said not to to that I wouldn't have been offended may just a wee bit sad.

I would never want to kiss a baby and my teenage gs has never liked being hugged or kissed except by mum and dad.

I think we’re all getting a bit over the top here. Babies dying and going blind with herpes. I’m sure it’s happened, in about one in several million cases! Let’s face it, it’s highly, highly unlikely and kisses and cuddles from grandparents are a plus for the baby, not a minus. Yes, some children don’t like giving kisses to all and sundry, and I agree that children shouldn’t be forced to go around the room kissing everyone. But grandparents aren’t everyone, and babies should be receiving love from their grandparents. We were encouraged to cuddle, kiss, and interact with our grandchildren from day one. It’s normal.

However the OP knows and accepts that they will not be allowed to kiss their granddaughter, even on the top of her little downy head. Each to their own, but definitely over protective and controlling. I hope the parents relax as the child grows otherwise she’s in for a very controlled childhood, which leads to all sorts of problems in the future.

Marydoll

I can understand their fears. A few years ago, I read about a new born baby, who contracted herpes and died. It was thought that someone with herpes had kissed the baby.

I would make me very sad, not being allowed to kiss a grandchild, but you have to abide by their rules, it's their baby.
Have you considered mum may have a touch of post natal depression, which may be causing your DIL's anxiety?
Are you allowed to cuddle the baby?

I hope you enjoy your visit, regrdless of this.

Yes, that can happen. I have seen people kiss children and grandchildren on or near their lips.

I kiss mine on top of their heads, well, I did until a couple of them grew taller than me, so it's a hug now.

However, if that's what the parents' wishes are, then you should accept that gracefully. Perhaps they are worried about herpes or other risks and their views should be respected.

I’m not a kissy person anyway but I’d never dream of kissing someone’s baby, even my own grandchildren. I don’t think you have to kiss and hug someone to show you care about them.

I've never kissed my GC except right on the top of their heads and only then, when they're leaving. If they come for a hug or a cuddle, that's fine, but I'm mindful of how much I used to hate being told to kiss and hug grown ups when I was a child.