Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

Lucca

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.

I agree

How exciting that Granny from Australia has been able to come over after what has probably been a very long three years when she hasn't seen her precious grand-daughter because of Covid.

I hope you made the other Granny feel welcome too.

It's such a short time before she goes back and they are making the most of their time together, be glad for them both.

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.

Doodle

It’s a fascination with something new. Someone different to talk to. A grandparent who hasn’t been seen for ages and suddenly appears. Please don’t take it to heart. I know you’re upset but the other grandma will be gone soon and the novelty will wear off.

Very sensible comment from Doodledog. This grandparent is a novelty but will soon have gone home. Try to think of it positively for the other grandma, she rarely gets to see her grandchild and is enjoying her time with her.

Flora Rose, I'd feel just the same!

Of course you feel possessive of a precious relationship!

The young girl has not changed but has shown a side of her, to be enchanted with someone new and charismatic, that you were unaware of. In later years you may be able to advise her if her emotions are too precipitate.

Also, when the young girl becomes mature, maybe not until after you yourself are dead, she will realise her behaviour will have hurt your feelings.

In the next few days, it may be better for you to stay away from these meetings with the other woman as there is no point in being in an awkward social situation when you don't have to.

I am sorry you are upset but as the other gran is only here for a short while I would step back and let them have their time together. I do think you have to accept that as they become teenagers you will probably be seeing less of her anyway. All but one of my GC are now teenagers or adults and I just enjoy hearing from their parents about all the goings on rather than be heavily involved in everything. The seem to live in such a different world to me!

Lathyrus
I agree, but that’s how it should be

My twin DGDs live in Australia and see their Australian Gran nearly every day but whenever we visit she deliberately keeps out of the way to give us precious time with them. The girls are always very excited to have us there but talk about their other gran as she's a big part of their lives. It's never occurred to me that she might be jealous of us, she's always very friendly toward us. I would be very upset if I thought our visit was causing the hurt you seem to be experiencing. let your DGD enjoy the other Gran but, as others have said, she's also growing up and will become more independent.

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

I think you may have to brace yourself Flora. Your granddaughter is 12. She soon going to be independent, friends (and boyfriends) will be the most important thing in her life.
Grandparents move to the periphery.

You may go back to your close relationship but I think it’s more likely that this signals the end of an era. Trying to hang on to the child will just alienate the emerging adult.

It seems lovely that the Australian Granny is having some special time with her grandaughter , I'm guessing that is a very rare treat for her.

I think you know in your heart of hearts Flora that your feelings might be human (and I understand them) but they are not fair on either your grandaughter or her other Granny really. Let them enjoy their time together, put a smile on your face and enjoy watching her spread her wings, build other relationships, learn new things. As said previously this will pass ..but your grandaughter will have learnt some new things about herself and others and the wider world. How lovely

I think of my own relationship with Grandma and I simply didn't like her. My elder sister was the favourite and that suited me as I didn't want to go on the (boring?) trips she took her anyway. Same with my own children they favour/ed certain aunts, uncles, grandparents over others. That's human nature. Does the other Grandparent have a different style of relationship with your GD that you could maybe try?

vegansrock

Have some empathy for the Australian Grandmother, she only sees her granddaughter for a limited time, she’s probably jealous of your closeness. Give them some space to build their relationship, take a step back, go on holiday yourself, be the adult.

This

The lack of empathy for the visiting grandparent is astonishing. OP has been privileged to live near her grandchild her whole life and is whinging about a two month visit from a grandparent who lives thousands of miles away, and posters are saying poor you don’t worry she’ll be gone soon.

I have six grandchildren, but because of circumstances I have had a very close relationship with one of the twelve year old girls. Out of her twelve years she’s lived five of them with us, and I know that apart from her mum, my husband and I have been the only stability in her life.

But things are changing, she’s growing up, doing lots of things with her friends, becoming involved with her new stepdad’s family who are all lovely.

Am I sad? Maybe just a little, but it’s such a joy to watch her spread her wings.

I can really feel for you florarose but it is a temporary hitch the lady will be returning to Oz soon and you ll be back to your childcare etc BUT at 12 you’re granddaughter will start to pull away from you and it could be the start, so I think you must prepare yourself that the relationship will change as she gets older and in 3/4 years time she probably will barely want to know you, it’s a natural progression and us grans have to hang onto the dregs throughout teens and sometimes more
She is changing through puberty and this exiting new person has whisked in at just the right moment to excite her free spirit
You sound very lonely and I think the biggest piece of advice I can give is do more things make friends join things don’t rely on your granddaughters companionship as it will naturally be gone soon ( sometimes they come back in later life sometimes they move away physically) be prepared the ‘complete’ relationship is not for ever it will change and move like the shifting sands
Don’t be sad it’s life

And remember, “This too shall pass”.

Yes it will and the grandmother will have to say goodbye to her granddaughter.

I’m in the UK and have two grandsons in Australia. How do you think I’d feel if on a visit to them their other local grandparent was jealous of my short time with them and people were saying don’t worry she’ll be gone soon.

I’d strongly advise you “walk a mile in her shoes” and take a step back. You’ve had 12 years living near your grandchild .

I’m not bothered if you call her your girl by the way before anyone starts,

The trouble with grandchildren FloraRose is that they take your heart on new, unexpected and sometimes painful journeys. I'm as close as you are to my 7 year old granddaughter but when my ex and his girlfriend appear (sadly they live ten miles away, not in Australia ha ha) I am invisible. My ex is very personable and his girlfriend very gushing (not sounding biased am I? ) so naturally the little one is drawn to them. I hated it at first and it came as a shock, but I gave myself a good talking to and anyway the bond between the little girl and myself is still the same. I think you will find it will swing back to the way it was, but yes, I have felt like you. All the best.

As I read your post Flora I could feel the sadness that you are feeling and I totally understand - Please take no notice of those on here who don't understand and have put unkind comments. Listen to those who have explained much better than I can that all will be well again in due course and you will have 'your girl' back again.
Best Wishes to you - Danni x

You are behaving in exactly the way young girls do in the playground; 'she has taken my friend away from me.'
What a way to behave, and how mean towards the other grandmother who has not had the pleasure of her granddaughter's company as you have.
Your granddaughter is twelve, an age when friendships and family relationships alter; if you let your jealousy consume you she will sense it and withdraw even more.
You need to step back.

I think we are all guilty of being excited by a new, ‘different’ relative coming to visit.

When I was a child, we had an auntie visit once a year who lived some distance away. How my sister and I looked forward to her coming to stay, she brought us a present, we helped her unpack her suitcase, admiring her clothes, jewellery, lipstick. We listened avidly to the stories of her life, now and in the past when she was growing up with our dad.

Poor old Auntie M., Mum’s older spinster sister, who lived locally and visited us every week on her day off from her lowly job as a live in housekeeper, didn’t get a look in. She was so ordinary and boring compared to Auntie F.

It was only after her death that I realised how important we had been in her life, the next best thing to having children of her own, and how much she loved us.

I still feel guilty that I hadn’t had more time for her.

So OP, don’t worry. You will still be important in your GD’s life when the other gran has gone back home.

I have always found that the way to stay close to children and grandchildren is to let them go.

Have some empathy for the Australian Grandmother, she only sees her granddaughter for a limited time, she’s probably jealous of your closeness. Give them some space to build their relationship, take a step back, go on holiday yourself, be the adult.

Smoothie
You’ve said it all, much better than I could have done.
I confess to saying ‘my lovely girl’ or my ‘precious boy’ doesn’t mean I think I own them.

Well said Smoothie and Zoejory, totally concur with your points of view. Do so wish the nitpickers would or could be a little more understanding not only to this OPs feelings but to others in general.
FloraRose, hi, if I were in your shoes I’d probably be feeling just as you are, this visiting Grandma is a novelty for your granddaughter, a special treasured interval with an end date in sight. They are making the most of their time. Try to be happy for them. Before you know things will revert back to how they were, your granddaughter I’m sure has love enough for 2 grandmas.

Totally agree, smoothie

Cruel and unnecessary to insist that FloraRoses' gd is NOT her girl. Of course she can refer to her as such, Hithere. None of your business

As for your problem, FloraRose I can understand your hurt but as others have said it's not forever and I'm sure your lovely relationship will continue.