Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

The oldest granddaughter who lives with us, has other grandparents about five miles away, the grandmother is a nice person and my granddaughter loves her.
My daughter has encouraged contact, making things as simple as possible, she is welcome here, I would be happy to go out, but despite all of this, she hasn’t seen her since last summer holiday.
I know she loves our girl, and we really don’t understand why she keeps her distance.
We assume it’s something to do with her son, but she has given up a close relationship with a lovely girl.
She should maybe read some of the sad stories on here.

We live a four hour drive from our DGC. My companion grandmother lives 2 miles away from DGC. Whenever we visit, she stays away to make sure we get all the quality time with our grandchildren. This is despite the fact that she effectively provides us with free bed and breakfast during our visit. She is a star!

Callistemon21

I had to keep a box of tissues handy when the news was showing reunions at Sydney Airport when they were allowed to visit after the severe lockdowns.

Me too!

I had to keep a box of tissues handy when the news was showing reunions at Sydney Airport when they were allowed to visit after the severe lockdowns.

Callistemon21

It struck a nerve, Lucca!

yes it’s an awful feeling when the time starts running out. I once found myself in tears half way through my holiday because we were at an airport and I saw someone else saying goodbye. How people have managed being prevented from visiting due to Covid I can’t imagine.

It struck a nerve, Lucca!

I keep out of the way as much as I can when overseas Grandma manages to visit, and when we are all together, I make a big effort to take a back seat.

I am the lucky one, the one who normally sees dgd several times a week, helping out with childcare. The other Grandma, my DiL's mum, can only visit about once a year, so really needs this time to build a proper relationship with our dgd.

I can see how it must hurt to suddenly feel relegated in your dgd's affections, but it is only for a short time. Try not to let it show, and just go with the flow.

Remember that she is nearly a teenager too, so her affection for you (and for other grandma too if she was around more) is likely to change soon anyway.
If you have always been close, just carry on being you, and you will hopefully come through it with a different but more mature relationship, regardless of how well she gets on with her other grandma.

Callistemon21

^Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful^

I can agree wholeheartedly with that

Oh so can I . It’s dreadful. The day before you have to leave.. stomach in knots, tears never far away.

That’s why I’ve been horrified at the unfeeling comments along the lines of “ don’t worry she’ll be gone soon”

Please don't be upset by the extra attention the visiting GP is getting. Be glad they they have the chance to spend time together. You will soon have her to yourself again. Remember, though, that she will soon be a teenager, and may not connect with you in the same way, for a while, when other interests take over. Hopefully your relationship will flourish as she gets older.

I have the reverse scenario. My 5 year old Aussie GD has seen me 3 times in her life, 'in the flesh', but we chat regularly on FaceTime. She has met her Peruvian GP only once. Although she waves to them on her Dad's phone they don't know each other's languages, which I find very sad.

My 2 year old Aussie grandson's other GPs live near him, and see him regularly. I'm not jealous of their close relationship, even though he mainly gave me the cold shoulder when I visited recently. I hope that I live long enough to build a relationship with him once we can FaceTime together.

I've just been on holiday with 2 of my GCs. Whilst they were playing one day older GC asked younger which granny do you like best Granny X (me and I live quite near them) or Granny Y (who lives some distance away and they see 2 or 3 times a year) Younger glanced at me then said "Granny Y". I knew he was trying to wind me up. Children pick up on more things than you realise.

Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful

I can agree wholeheartedly with that

Lots of very wise and kind words from JenniferEccles and Goldbeater.

Hopefully you realise by reading all these very thoughtful posts, that you are in a much better position than the Australian granny, and be thankful for it.

I am the grandmother that isn’t anyone’s favourite. My granddaughter adores my husband! my grandson adores his other grandmother. They aren’t mean to me, they are nice, and they chat, hold my hand, tell me about their days (they are four and seven) but if this was a popularity competition, I would be behind the door. Except it isn’t a popularity competition. We had fourteen years separated from our daughter (our only child] and we’re finally able to join her here in Australia five years ago - I’m so glad to be here that I am too busy enjoying time with the kids to feel upset about the pecking order - it’s normal for kids to have favourites. Your co- grandparent is obviously a very warm person and as others have said, a novelty. I’d be a bit hurt too, but if I were you, I’d spend this very short time trying to get to know your opposite number a bit better. Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful.

FloraRose, if you are still reading, I’m sorry you’ve had a few harsh comments on here, but the majority of replies have, I think tried to gently encourage you to see things from the other gran’s perspective.
It really doesn’t take much imagination to put ourselves in the shoes of grandparents living thousands of miles away from their beloved grandchildren, does it?

Yes I can understand you feel a bit hurt at how your girl (nothing whatsoever wrong with that phrase by the way) seems to love spending time with her, but it’s only natural isn’t it?
It doesn’t mean she loves you any less, but she is enjoying spending time with the other gran during the short time she has with her.

I hope you don’t regret posting, as your feeling are, up to a point understandable, but the feelings of the other gran, usually thousands of miles away, need to be considered too don’t they?

Ah yes. Clothes shopping.
The hours I’ve spent trailing around Hollister and Zara, but I know I’m loved especially much when I’m waving my debit card.

From one grandmother to another bide your time. Things will go back to normal,soon.

Lucca

*but as this woman will be gone again soon*

This woman ??? The child’s grandmother. Who lives thousands of miles away.

I’m absolutely astonished at the attitudes on here. Clearly you all live nice and near your grandchildren. Lucky you.

I'm astonished too.

And yes, another couple of years and the granddaughter will want to be out with her friends.
Unless you're taking her clothes shopping, FloraRose ?

How would posters reply if it was the visiting grandmother posting about total grandmother resentful for her visit?

but as this woman will be gone again soon

This woman ??? The child’s grandmother. Who lives thousands of miles away.

I’m absolutely astonished at the attitudes on here. Clearly you all live nice and near your grandchildren. Lucky you.

The other grandma would surely have been aware you were feeling left out. What would you have done had it been the other way round, I guess you would have had word with your GD? But as this woman will be gone again soon, just smile and move on.

OP

What are you going to do when your gd understandably prefers her friends to you, grandma?

Get ready for that, it is going to happen

Try to be pleased she is having a good time with her other gran. She is bound to see her as interesting and anything different is a focus for youngsters of that age. Take a back seat and be really friendly and interested in her Australian way of life. Have a laugh with her when the opportunity arises. Also give them time on their own.

I suppose anyone in your situation would feel a little sad, but you are a grown up, I think you should have taken a step back while the other granny was here, let them bond and have a lovely time, and be around to hear all her stories when she’s gone.

but hopefully she’ll be going back to the other side of the world soon

What an Unfeeling comment . The Australian grandmother unlikely then to see her granddaughter for at least a year

I’m sorry this must be really upsetting. Kids that age sometimes don’t think about others feelings and I’m sure don’t hasn’t stopped to think you might be feeling left out
. Other GM is shiny and new and a novelty. Even if other GM stayed in the U.K. I’m sure the situation Wouid settle down after a while but hopefully she’ll be going back to the other side of the world soon ? X