Are we being unreasonable?

No Norah it's not really good enough. If they don't need the OP to look after their child on Friday's anymore then they should say so.

I know that's what you meant by 'blackmail' *Fleurpepper' and there's too much of it about.

Norah

Not solved to OP's and other posters' satisfaction apparently

Fleurpepper

Yes, let's hope so.

But this is what I meant about 'blackmail'

Where is 'blackmail' involved?

Son wanted his child not driven about, his mum wanted to drive grandchild and get on with her day.

Presumably someone is taking care of LO, mum has her day at home. From what OP has posted all seems solved.

Smileless2012

Let's hope her son has been in touch with her Norah and not left her 'hanging' with no idea what's going on.

Depending on definition of "need to discuss things in the next few weeks."

I'm not one to push or rush, let issues settle down.

I assert son found a solution, he'll tell when he's ready.

Is that really not good enough?

Yes, let's hope so.

But this is what I meant about 'blackmail'

Let's hope her son has been in touch with her Norah and not left her 'hanging' with no idea what's going on.

There are a lot of GP's looking after GC, doing the school run and looking after them until the parents finish work, not to mention school holidays.

As OP hasn't been back and another week has passed, I'd guess that son has solved and OP hasn't another worry about being reasonable. She can happily get on with her errands and housework on day off.

Thanks Norah and Farmor5. You confirm the point I was making, that grandparents step in out of love and necessity. I agree, the Scandi countries do it better. They subsidise excellent quality early years care. Grandparents will still be actively involved in loving support -

Iam64 I'm not aware of anyone wanting 'alone time' either. However, I do know people who take care of GC presumably to save their children some of necessary childcare fees. I did with my GC and do with my GGC.

Grams2five - it may be that where you live, either paid childcare is affordable and available or both parents don't need to work to pay rent or mortgage. Where I live (Ireland), childcare is a huge issue. For under 3s, daycare or private childminders are very expensive or even completely unavailable. Some people book their place before the child is even born!

For that reason, grandparents are often asked to help out.

In countries like Sweden, where one of my sons lives, childcare is heavily subsidised and easily available. After the age of 1 it is expected that both parents will work and the child will be in daycare. There, grandparents may help out with babysitting occasionally, as you do, but would not be needed for day-to-day care.

There is no need to ge snippy and unpleasant HiThere. Nothing about the martyr in my post. I loved our day a week caring for grandchildren and said so. The reality is there is an army of grandparents looking after grandchildren, out of love and necessity given the huge cost of childcare.
Why make an unnecessary argument, try to polarise

Iam64

I don’t know anyone who cares for grandchildren for ‘alone time’
It’s free child care provided by an army of living grandparents. We love our adult children, adore our grandchildren but, we expected more free time in retirement.
When ours were all at school, it was great to just be grandparents, picking up occasionally, sleepovers and other fun"

Grandparents have options and can choose not to commit to be "free child care"
Grandparents can tell their AC to make other arrangements for childcare

There is no need to tap into martyrdom

We have five grands from three ac - we don’t need provide regular. Jim’s are to any, nor have we been asked to. We babysit for occasional date nights, drs visits etc when our ac need help. We have the older grands (school age) overnight once or twice a year and so things like museums, etc for “day visits” probably quarterly once they’re school age. We watched them overnight in their home once while mum and dad were at the hospital having another sibling. Perhaps it’s just my circle but I know plenty of grandparents not playing nanny.

Iam64

I don’t know anyone who cares for grandchildren for ‘alone time’
It’s free child care provided by an army of living grandparents. We love our adult children, adore our grandchildren but, we expected more free time in retirement.
When ours were all at school, it was great to just be grandparents, picking up occasionally, sleepovers and other fun

I don't know any "alone time" and sleepover GP.

@Grams2five,

I agree. Think you’ve nailed it. Clearly the couple has already made other arrangements; it’s been three weeks. The OP’s son stated they’d discuss “at a later time”, so they don’t seem to be pressed to resume the previous arrangement with the OP. To me, that says the OP should accept that the couple are firm in their position. People can agree with their boundaries or not, but no one should be trying to convince parents to change them. People have a right to raise their children as they see fit. The OP had every right to decide that the parents’ wishes won’t work for her. This doesn’t seem very complicated at all.

I don’t know anyone who cares for grandchildren for ‘alone time’
It’s free child care provided by an army of living grandparents. We love our adult children, adore our grandchildren but, we expected more free time in retirement.
When ours were all at school, it was great to just be grandparents, picking up occasionally, sleepovers and other fun

I agree with Oldnproud - any grandparents I know who help with childcare, do so because they are asked and want to help their children, not to have "alone time" with grandchildren.

Today, for example I'm helping at my daughter's as she asked me if I could entertain her 2 for a while so she could cut the grass in her large garden. I was happy to oblige, but would have been equally happy to stay at home and deal with my own garden!

We don’t know is that is the case or not however it would seem they have childcare for the other days of the week since gran only had the little guy one day a week , and it would also seem that the parents have quickly adapted to not having gran the day of the week she had , since dil
Has opted to just stay home on that day with the lad, all lending itself to thinking that this arrangement was more for gran then everyone else.

Perhaps not and they needed her to watch him but they seemingly no longer NEED it ( seeing as she hasn’t been for three weeks). So at the end of the day it seems gran has a choice to make - she wishes to spend fridays with her grandson and will
Abide by the boundaries set by his parents or she doesn’t like that arrangement and they all carry on as they are at such. At the end of the day though it seems she’s the one upset about it doesn’t it?

Maliandbryn2

I dont get why everybody keeps saying grandparents are doing the parents a favor. That makes no sense!

In most cases, the grandparents have ASKED to watch the child. They want to do it, they requested to do it, or they complained to never have alone time with their grandchild. So the parents often give in to the request.

This may actually be a lot harder on the parents, packing everything up to haul over to gmas house, the extra gas to get there, maybe its out of the way, etc....

It doesn't always benefit the family...sometimes its just to appease the grandparents, even if its more work.

So its not always a favor in most cases.

OP, depends on each situation individually. Does GC being at your house benefit the parents? Is this actually a huge favor to them or is the arrangement so you and GC can bond and be together?

Have you done a survey to back up your claim that " In most cases, the grandparents have ASKED to watch the child. They want to do it, they requested to do it, or they complained to never have alone time with their grandchild. "?

It was quite the opposite in my case, and that of many grandparents I know. Looking after the grandchildren had never been one of my plans, and until maternity leave was nearly over, I assumed that the parents had a plan in place for childcare. That was until they started asking me if I could help, even though I was still working and enjoyed the free time that I had.
I agreed to help, because helping them felt like the right thing to do (and of course in the interests of fairness have had to do the same service to our other son and dil since then), but in no way was the arrangement instigated by me!

What makes you so sure that in most cases this is not the case?

Missed that

Callistemon21

^You’re correct she didn’t say this flat out but apparently was pushy enough about wanting to have the car seat^

Who did the car seat belong to?
Who had the right to sell it?
If said car seat belonged to the defendant is she within her rights to want it back again?

OP said "They bought the car seat and I offered to buy it off of them"

Son owns car seat, son & gf decide how their child is transported.

Easy really.

Grams2five

Callistemon21

You’re correct she didn’t say this flat out but apparently was pushy enough about wanting to have the car seat

Who did the car seat belong to?
Who had the right to sell it?
If said car seat belonged to the defendant is she within her rights to want it back again?

She didn’t say it was her seat and as such I’ll assume it’s the boys parents car seat or she would have mentioned such. Either way , they don’t want her driving him in car seat or otherwise

It may belong to the parents, but if not she has a right to ask for it back whether or not she would use it. It was in her car which she kindly lent to her son for a year and a half.

It's up to the parents whether they want the child to be driven by the grandparents, there could be reasons why not of course.

I dont get why everybody keeps saying grandparents are doing the parents a favor. That makes no sense!

In most cases, the grandparents have ASKED to watch the child. They want to do it, they requested to do it, or they complained to never have alone time with their grandchild. So the parents often give in to the request.

This may actually be a lot harder on the parents, packing everything up to haul over to gmas house, the extra gas to get there, maybe its out of the way, etc....

It doesn't always benefit the family...sometimes its just to appease the grandparents, even if its more work.

So its not always a favor in most cases.

OP, depends on each situation individually. Does GC being at your house benefit the parents? Is this actually a huge favor to them or is the arrangement so you and GC can bond and be together?

Callistemon21

^You’re correct she didn’t say this flat out but apparently was pushy enough about wanting to have the car seat^

Who did the car seat belong to?
Who had the right to sell it?
If said car seat belonged to the defendant is she within her rights to want it back again?

She didn’t say it was her seat and as such I’ll assume it’s the boys parents car seat or she would have mentioned such. Either way , they don’t want her driving him in car seat or otherwise