Problems with grandchildrens mum

User7777

Hi, gagajo The OP isn’t gagajo!

I’d also like to add that Hithere should not be bringing things over from Mumsnet. I don’t think that’s on at all.

jojo220263

I pick my 2 year old grandson up from nursery on a Wednesday and take him home until my son gets home and then he takes him home. He does not live the mother.
Now the mother has decided that I have to take him straight home to her, so my son has told her I’m not picking him up anymore I’m not happy about this and am not sure what to do.

What you have said is a bit mixed up so unclear as you have mentioned 3 ages which is probably why people are confused. If you want to pick your grandson up and take him to his mother then you should tell your son that you are happy but he definitely needs to sort out legally with the children's mother. You can do mediation (called Family Journeys in Scotland) but depends on both parties agreeing on it. DD2 did mediation for her son and it was going well but not fast enough for the father so he refused to do more saying he would take her to court which he did then the court ruling was the same as what mediation said. Because court is involved and a ruling has been put into place then they both have to abide with it which may be better for your son.

They are 2 and 1 and she hasn’t let my son see them all week, she says he can have them every weekend from Friday to Sunday which I feel is unreasonable. Because he works all week he was going to hers after work during the week to see them but he can’t because all she does is criticise and argue about petty things. It really is a hard situation. When he said I wasn’t going to pick my grandson up from nursery he was annoyed at her moaning about me. I love picking him up and will continue to do so as long as I’m allowed. I have never met anyone so controlling and argumentative as her, I can’t describe on here how awful she is.

I would caution you not to alienate yourself from the mother of your grandchildren. Maintain a neutral posture for the sake of your grandchildren. Whatever the dynamics between your son and the children's mother, they are the parents, and it is important to respect their wishes. Your role is to be supportive of your grandchildren by any means possible, and try to maintain a conciliatory relationship with both your son and your grandchildren's mother, even if you disagree. Best to all of you.

Maybe worth contacting a Family Mediator/ they will help sort things out for you all

Thank you I am civil to her through gritted teeth, it’s when she rings me and starts telling me how bad my son is which is absolutely untrue and I’m not just saying that because he’s my son but he is a good dad when he’s allowed to be. I will definitely mention mediation to both of them.

He needs to fight for his rights to be a good dad.

I’m sorry but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t comment on my posts please

I won't but you need to understand you are posting in a public internet forum

You can ignore posters if you do not like their feedback

You don’t need to comment as you don’t have anything helpful to say, you just seem like a keyboard warrior who can’t help posting pointless remarks. So please stop.

You mean anything you do not want to hear?

jojo220263

Thank you to everyone for their advice I do try not to get involved it is hard because she uses the boys as a weapon .
Hopefully with the help of a solicitor he can get it sorted once and for all.

Sadly this is very common. My advise would be to get in touch with a law firm and be guided by them.

Hithere you haven’t said anything worth hearing.

jojo I have to ask: is this how you communicate to anyone who you don't agree with? Because I think it's utterly reactive and you could hinder any potential court case for your son with this style of talking to people you don't like or agree with

Nanatoone

I have experience of a situation with a toxic woman. She told my sil not to bother with a solicitor at family court then turned up with one. Awful, it cost over £35k to regain access to the kids as the court believed the mother’s rants. She’s been caught hitting the children and is a vile person, she cares nothing about hurting the children if it means getting at sil. The poor children. Everything she accused him of she has demonstrated herself in her behaviour whilst I have seen nothing but kindness and generosity and love from sil. Some women are just repulsive humans. We currently have a stable relationship with her (hardly speak unless strictly necessary). She recently moved a guy in that she’d met on the internet) from a country many thousand of miles away) she’d never met him in person before he moved in. I could tell some stories but that might identify the people concerned.

Some women people are just repulsive humans

Fixed that for you

jojo220263

Thank you I am civil to her through gritted teeth, it’s when she rings me and starts telling me how bad my son is which is absolutely untrue and I’m not just saying that because he’s my son but he is a good dad when he’s allowed to be. I will definitely mention mediation to both of them.

Through gritted teeth is rarely actually civil.

Mention mediation (or better a solicitor) to your son. No reason to mention to his ex at all.

Tell your son not to put you in the middle any longer

I react to this person like this because they Postcode a comment about a subject that I put on mumsnet a long time ago. If you look back the comments they made have been deleted by grandsnet but they still keep commenting.
I do not want to know what they think. The post on mumsnet was regarding domestic abuse and I was in a very vulnerable place back then. But hithere seems to just keep on posting like they want an argument or something.

Take no notice and don’t let it upset you. Take on board the good bits of advice you’ve received and ignore the rest. Try to keep a relationship going with your DIL, for the sake of the grandchildren only. Otherwise you may get into a situation where you don’t see them which would upset you even more. Let your son and DIL sort things out and try not to get involved. Good luck.

Thank you

For everyone's sake, especially for your GS, your son needs legal advice to formalise his contact time jojo and I hope that he'll take steps to do this asap.

In the meantime and I understand it must be difficult, try and keep your relationship with your d.i.l. as pleasant as possible as this will not only facilitate your contact with him but hopefully your son's too.

I wish you well.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Goldbee, you are not alone in your exasperation regarding critical comments. I can’t tell if you are leaving the site (wishing that everyone has a wonderful life sounds like you’re saying goodbye for good) either way, I think you should stay. It’s cheesy to say but without positive supportive comments from you I and others, the critical comments are all that’s left. We do need to drown out the critics and that can’t happen if the people who want to support others leave. It is so so frustrating to read the critical rude comments, I find myself with my jaw on the floor quite often when reading here. I report them if it’s a really bad one and/or I even comment saying how rude and unhelpful they are being. It’s important to counteract these things, but what I find the most important out of it all is the solace that a poster feels once they receive just a few nice comments supporting them in whatever way possible, that’s what makes me stay. I hope you stay too.

I think Friday to Sunday is a good deal for your son,he can spend all day with his children instead of a rushed visit before bedtime.
You have no idea what their relationship was like ,no one does apart from them so dont rush to support your son,try to be supportive of them both .Its not easy ,my son left a relationship for a good reason and his ex was hard to get along with BUT she is the mother of his daughter and now 12 years down the line we are all able to stay friends.

Unfortunately I know exactly what went on, I have been on the end of her vicious tongue many times and I have seen the texts she sends my son. But I still try and stay civil with her. She holds all the cards at the moment and decides when he can see the boys,