Grandchildren moving to Australia

It’s absolutely horrible. I know because my daughter and family went to New Zealand eighteen months ago. I feel for you. I realise they will have gone by now. We were like you, we cared for our grandchildren from birth and we adore them, still do. We just returned from a two month visit to them, but it’s not the same as having them here. My nine year old granddaughter clung to me and absolutely broke her heart when we left and that in turn really upset me. I actually don’t think it’s a better life either, having lived there for two months myself. There is absolutely nothing they can do there that can’t be done here, but I guess the sense of adventure is the pull. I can’t offer any advice because there is none that makes the pain go away, whatever other people may say. I’m just offering my sympathy to you, I know how awful it is.

My son, DiL and two grandchildren are moving to Australia in about 8 weeks time. I am, like those who have responded to you, devastated, but will try and take all your advice and keep positive. I feel as though I will never see them again, but I'm sure I will. I cannot stop crying at the mo, but I will try and be glad they will have a better life there..............

Hi there I wanted to share that I am going through a similar experience right now so I can empathize. We are lucky to have our daughter and her 4 kids very close by (we live in Israel), but my son is now moving from London to Perth, Australia with his wife (who's from there) and their baby.
We were used to visiting them frequently on the short flight from Tel-Aviv to London, but Australia is another matter altogether, time and cost!
I was devastated when they told us, but quite quickly came around to acceptance. It is their life, their decision, and I really believe they will have a good life there.
I don't have any other suggestions from those that have already been given.... we will keep in regular touch on FaceTime and I hope we'll go there once a year and they'll come here once a year, so maybe we'll even see each other twice a year.
Definitely not what I hoped for, but we will make it work.
I had Covid at the time they broke the news to us on the phone and that's my excuse for throwing a real wobbly, crying etc. My son was so upset and my DiL was really angry with me that I didn't show more support for their decision (it was a complete shock, no pre-warning at all...)
Anyway not sure all this helps, but 4 months into the news I can honestly say I am OK and we will remain a close-knit family despite the decision.
Having a family wattsapp group, including the older GCs, really helps us keep in touch, sharing news, photos, jokes, puzzles etc.
Maybe we need a GN forum for people with families far away?
Hugs, Phillipa

It is a horrible time when you part, I know that. I wouldn’t go to the airport because that is truly awful, speaking from experience as someone who left parents behind when we emigrated. Say your goodbyes privately and have a good cry without being in the public gaze! I can’t say anything much except you might find long conversations over social media helpful.

Ours are in Sydney. You’ll get there. It takes time and as someone else said it’s a bit like a bereavement but….it’s good for them. Truly the quality of life here is so much better. It’s an eye opener. And they will come back for visits, you can visit them. Keep in touch via FaceTime which is brilliant and wish them well. X

I have family in America and I think it's easier if you can see where they live and how they live there.

I think you will feel better after a first visit.
💐

Hi Forsythia, thank you so much for that. Where are your family in Aus? I know it’s the right move for them and if their future is better than here in UK That has to be the best I can hope for. Actually that’s blooming awesome, Just need to get myself over a few hurdles and hopefully I will be more accepting of the situation. Many thanks.

Hi
I’m in exactly the same situation as you. I’m actually out here on a visit right now. What I can tell you is it does get easier. I can understand exactly why they do it because the quality of life out here is so much better than the UK on every level. Just my opinion. It’s clean, no litter, no migrant problem, lovely weather, pleasant friendly people. Just better all round plus fantastic opportunities for those willing to work.
Yes it’s hard but your grandchildren will have a better quality of life, there are sports of every kind, daycare centres on every corner, playgrounds too. It’s very much geared up to children and families.
I fully appreciate why my daughter, Sil, and little grandson are out here and it’s their future, not mine, that matters.
We do all the usual, FaceTime etc, which helps.
Time is also a great healer and I’d say keep busy. Find new friends in similar circumstances which is what I did so you don’t feel the only grandparent with kids who aren’t nearby.
💐💐

It is a kind of bereavement - the end of something wonderful. But others are right; you've had some great years with them which has enriched your life.

My DS emigrated 15 years ago to NZ. Their baby was born there so maybe not the same for me. I have always been a distant DGM.
This summer they came and stayed a month which was wonderful and I hope to get out again next year.
We keep in close touch.
I hope your grief will fade and you will be able to watch them adapt to their new life and love it there.

Crazy H you are very right I have had the best years and a huge amount of memories to cherish, a mountain of photos to turn into a memory book to keep me busy. Thanks for caring enough to post...

SueieWW - I haven’t read the other replies, but let me tell you something - you had the best years with them. You shared a very important part of their life with them - and looked after them. As they grew up you probably wouldn’t have seen as much of them, what with after-school activities etc. etc. My teenage GC live only a 10minute drive away and I only see them as and when its possible.
Reading your post, brought tears to my eyes as well. I left my poor mother behind, thousands of miles away. I can still see the tears in her eyes as she kissed us goodbye at the airport. My 2 little ones were clinging on to her - they adored her.
But we left, so that my husband (now Ex) could specialise. I promised her we would return, but never did, except for holidays.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack this thread. Be strong.

Thanks, Rockgran, some of your suggestions I haven't thought of, so will take those onboard. just knowing there are others out there who have been there done that and come out the other side help enormously. think I should change my username to granny Glo as that's what the kids call me. If only I knew how to do it!!!

Thank you so much for your kind words, messages like yours really do help. I know long term I will learn to cope with it all and move on. Allowing me to be sad is what I also need to do and not feel bad about it. Hopefully eventually I will get fed-up with being sad and move on. Just not sure how long that will take...x

Of course you are devastated, I was too, I promise you will get used to it and when you see your GC and DD flourish it will really help. My son is so much happier, healthier (your dd’s asthma may improve with the drier warmer weather) etc and my gc has so much more in terms of better staffed and funded nurseries, better healthcare schools as they grow older etc etc. Let yourself privately grieve, and you can let your dd know you are very sad but you will be okay, and you are so proud of her forging a new life for herself. She’ll have a culture shock when she arrives even if it is paradise, and she’ll need her mums comfort in the early days.

This was the reason I joined Gransnet and I did take comfort from kind words and the fact that it happens to many of us. In time you will accept it and feel glad that they are living a good, possible better life. It hurts but it gets easier and the visits do help. Modern technology is also a godsend. On the plus side I have long chats with my son - probably longer than if he lived closer. My grandchildren were much younger and I feel I missed out on their best years - you have more memories so cherish those. They won't forget you. Just try to be positive and cheerful when you talk to them - don't ever make them feel guilty. I used to keep a list of things we'd done so that we had plenty to chat about and they didn't think our lives were empty without them. It will get better - really it will. Sending you a big hug.

I fully sympathise with you, Suieww. I would be devastated if I couldn't see my grandchildren every week. But unfortunately, we can't control our adult children's choices.

Try to stay positive! We never know what good things are just around the corner. We can only hope.

Oh I am with you totally here. If mine moved so far away, I would be devastated. But you will find a way to keep contact- and you know, in many ways- distance makes you make even more effort to keep in touch and share in different ways.

hugs

It’s awful,for you. People will no doubt come on and talk about FaceTime. It’s not the same at all. My GC were born there so in many ways it’s my son I miss more except when they’ve all visited and GC have to say goodbye.I agree with you not wanting a holiday! I’ve been about four times and frankly I’m not keen on australia anyway.

Not wishing to depress you though, so all I can say is time heals , but in the meantime let yourself be sad, that’s no crime !