Grandchildren moving to Australia

It’s awful,for you. People will no doubt come on and talk about FaceTime. It’s not the same at all. My GC were born there so in many ways it’s my son I miss more except when they’ve all visited and GC have to say goodbye.I agree with you not wanting a holiday! I’ve been about four times and frankly I’m not keen on australia anyway.

Not wishing to depress you though, so all I can say is time heals , but in the meantime let yourself be sad, that’s no crime !

Oh I am with you totally here. If mine moved so far away, I would be devastated. But you will find a way to keep contact- and you know, in many ways- distance makes you make even more effort to keep in touch and share in different ways.

hugs

I fully sympathise with you, Suieww. I would be devastated if I couldn't see my grandchildren every week. But unfortunately, we can't control our adult children's choices.

Try to stay positive! We never know what good things are just around the corner. We can only hope.

This was the reason I joined Gransnet and I did take comfort from kind words and the fact that it happens to many of us. In time you will accept it and feel glad that they are living a good, possible better life. It hurts but it gets easier and the visits do help. Modern technology is also a godsend. On the plus side I have long chats with my son - probably longer than if he lived closer. My grandchildren were much younger and I feel I missed out on their best years - you have more memories so cherish those. They won't forget you. Just try to be positive and cheerful when you talk to them - don't ever make them feel guilty. I used to keep a list of things we'd done so that we had plenty to chat about and they didn't think our lives were empty without them. It will get better - really it will. Sending you a big hug.

Of course you are devastated, I was too, I promise you will get used to it and when you see your GC and DD flourish it will really help. My son is so much happier, healthier (your dd’s asthma may improve with the drier warmer weather) etc and my gc has so much more in terms of better staffed and funded nurseries, better healthcare schools as they grow older etc etc. Let yourself privately grieve, and you can let your dd know you are very sad but you will be okay, and you are so proud of her forging a new life for herself. She’ll have a culture shock when she arrives even if it is paradise, and she’ll need her mums comfort in the early days.

Thank you so much for your kind words, messages like yours really do help. I know long term I will learn to cope with it all and move on. Allowing me to be sad is what I also need to do and not feel bad about it. Hopefully eventually I will get fed-up with being sad and move on. Just not sure how long that will take...x

Thanks, Rockgran, some of your suggestions I haven't thought of, so will take those onboard. just knowing there are others out there who have been there done that and come out the other side help enormously. think I should change my username to granny Glo as that's what the kids call me. If only I knew how to do it!!!

SueieWW - I haven’t read the other replies, but let me tell you something - you had the best years with them. You shared a very important part of their life with them - and looked after them. As they grew up you probably wouldn’t have seen as much of them, what with after-school activities etc. etc. My teenage GC live only a 10minute drive away and I only see them as and when its possible.
Reading your post, brought tears to my eyes as well. I left my poor mother behind, thousands of miles away. I can still see the tears in her eyes as she kissed us goodbye at the airport. My 2 little ones were clinging on to her - they adored her.
But we left, so that my husband (now Ex) could specialise. I promised her we would return, but never did, except for holidays.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack this thread. Be strong.

Crazy H you are very right I have had the best years and a huge amount of memories to cherish, a mountain of photos to turn into a memory book to keep me busy. Thanks for caring enough to post...

It is a kind of bereavement - the end of something wonderful. But others are right; you've had some great years with them which has enriched your life.

My DS emigrated 15 years ago to NZ. Their baby was born there so maybe not the same for me. I have always been a distant DGM.
This summer they came and stayed a month which was wonderful and I hope to get out again next year.
We keep in close touch.
I hope your grief will fade and you will be able to watch them adapt to their new life and love it there.

Hi
I’m in exactly the same situation as you. I’m actually out here on a visit right now. What I can tell you is it does get easier. I can understand exactly why they do it because the quality of life out here is so much better than the UK on every level. Just my opinion. It’s clean, no litter, no migrant problem, lovely weather, pleasant friendly people. Just better all round plus fantastic opportunities for those willing to work.
Yes it’s hard but your grandchildren will have a better quality of life, there are sports of every kind, daycare centres on every corner, playgrounds too. It’s very much geared up to children and families.
I fully appreciate why my daughter, Sil, and little grandson are out here and it’s their future, not mine, that matters.
We do all the usual, FaceTime etc, which helps.
Time is also a great healer and I’d say keep busy. Find new friends in similar circumstances which is what I did so you don’t feel the only grandparent with kids who aren’t nearby.
💐💐

Hi Forsythia, thank you so much for that. Where are your family in Aus? I know it’s the right move for them and if their future is better than here in UK That has to be the best I can hope for. Actually that’s blooming awesome, Just need to get myself over a few hurdles and hopefully I will be more accepting of the situation. Many thanks.

I have family in America and I think it's easier if you can see where they live and how they live there.

I think you will feel better after a first visit.
💐

Ours are in Sydney. You’ll get there. It takes time and as someone else said it’s a bit like a bereavement but….it’s good for them. Truly the quality of life here is so much better. It’s an eye opener. And they will come back for visits, you can visit them. Keep in touch via FaceTime which is brilliant and wish them well. X

It is a horrible time when you part, I know that. I wouldn’t go to the airport because that is truly awful, speaking from experience as someone who left parents behind when we emigrated. Say your goodbyes privately and have a good cry without being in the public gaze! I can’t say anything much except you might find long conversations over social media helpful.

Hi there I wanted to share that I am going through a similar experience right now so I can empathize. We are lucky to have our daughter and her 4 kids very close by (we live in Israel), but my son is now moving from London to Perth, Australia with his wife (who's from there) and their baby.
We were used to visiting them frequently on the short flight from Tel-Aviv to London, but Australia is another matter altogether, time and cost!
I was devastated when they told us, but quite quickly came around to acceptance. It is their life, their decision, and I really believe they will have a good life there.
I don't have any other suggestions from those that have already been given.... we will keep in regular touch on FaceTime and I hope we'll go there once a year and they'll come here once a year, so maybe we'll even see each other twice a year.
Definitely not what I hoped for, but we will make it work.
I had Covid at the time they broke the news to us on the phone and that's my excuse for throwing a real wobbly, crying etc. My son was so upset and my DiL was really angry with me that I didn't show more support for their decision (it was a complete shock, no pre-warning at all...)
Anyway not sure all this helps, but 4 months into the news I can honestly say I am OK and we will remain a close-knit family despite the decision.
Having a family wattsapp group, including the older GCs, really helps us keep in touch, sharing news, photos, jokes, puzzles etc.
Maybe we need a GN forum for people with families far away?
Hugs, Phillipa

My son, DiL and two grandchildren are moving to Australia in about 8 weeks time. I am, like those who have responded to you, devastated, but will try and take all your advice and keep positive. I feel as though I will never see them again, but I'm sure I will. I cannot stop crying at the mo, but I will try and be glad they will have a better life there..............

It’s absolutely horrible. I know because my daughter and family went to New Zealand eighteen months ago. I feel for you. I realise they will have gone by now. We were like you, we cared for our grandchildren from birth and we adore them, still do. We just returned from a two month visit to them, but it’s not the same as having them here. My nine year old granddaughter clung to me and absolutely broke her heart when we left and that in turn really upset me. I actually don’t think it’s a better life either, having lived there for two months myself. There is absolutely nothing they can do there that can’t be done here, but I guess the sense of adventure is the pull. I can’t offer any advice because there is none that makes the pain go away, whatever other people may say. I’m just offering my sympathy to you, I know how awful it is.

New here - my daughter lives in Australia too - married to an Australian and they have a farm so she won't be coming back to the UK and I actually can't imagine her here now -daughter has lived in Australia for a long time now as she went after university and is now 36. She and her partner have two dear little boys - they have just been over and back home now so am missing them so much. Their lives are lovely on the whole and yes they do have a great quality of life and my daughter is living her dream (horses). But having her and my grand children living so far away has had a huge impact on our family and yes It IS devastating. I find it really hard being around my friends who see their grandchildren all the time (and I can't stand it when they say they feel sorry for me- although I know it is well meant). Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel as if I am being punished (not helped I guess by the other granny only living down the road.) Psychologically the situation is very weird. I hadn't realised how bizarre it would feel and how hard it is to live with what is essentially a sort of grief. I never expected her to live down the road but now my dream would be for them to live a 6 or7 hour flight away so I could just pop out to see them for a week (I have done a 10 day Aus visit and it wasn't too bad!). I can cope with it on a day to day basis and obviously we are in touch all the time through FaceTime and calls and texts and I am lucky and have been out there for quite a few visits. Since Covid (that was just shocking) the fares are much more expensive and that has hit me hard. All I am saying here is that it really is hard, harder than I ever imagined and much more complicated. You get used to it. I have been thinking about writing an article about this.

if anyone is interested in contributing to an article please private message me. I haven't pitched the idea yet to anyone - also happy just to chat with others in the same situation. Please don't think you are wrong if you are desperately sad about this = I think it is normal and I also think it is exhausting trying to fight the sadness.

and something else - I would never say any of the above to my daughter! On the positive side I really like where she lives so love visiting - it's beautiful and everyone has so much more space and are much more chilled -they live an amazing outdoorsy life. She comes back and thinks everyone here looks really stressed.

Just reading this makes me think about all the young women who came to the UK to get married, leaving their families behind and also all the women who met eg American servicemen and went to live in the US leaving their families here!

Many had no phones and there certainly wasn’t Facetime, texts etc. A lot could not afford to visit families for decades.

My own Mum was one who left her family behind and was awfully homesick and had no money to visit them. They just all wrote to each other all the time.

A cousin settled in America and was also really homesick and it was something like 15 years before she had enough money to visit the UK. Her parents didn’t even have a phone in the UK.

Primrose53 - it must have been so hard! I agree I often think of the generations before us. I think everyone was a bit more stoic then.

Greenandpip
I could have written your post. I have been following grandsnet for this reason…. to find consolation with others going through the same thing.
This is my first post.
Ten years ago my only DD left Australia with her then boyfriend on a 2 year visa. We waved them off happily. Next minute they break up and she meets a beautiful Englishman.
Now married and living in the country with 2 beautiful GC with in laws next door.
It was devastating once we realised she wasn’t coming home. Really hard when friends said how could you let her do this … as if we had a choice!!
After much soul searching and severe talkings to myself when jealous of the in-laws, I have turned it around to be grateful she has loving family around her for support and we have a new home away from home. She does live in a beautiful area and thankfully has enough space for long visits. In-laws and DH and I have become great friends. So on the positive side her moving to your beautiful county has expanded our lives immensely. I do allow myself a cry now and then though.