Grandchildren moving to Australia

I can't stop crying.
I have a very strained relationship with my son, for many years, I guilt parented him as I left his father for another man. He is very disrespectful to me calling me by my first name and tells me to f off when we don't see eye to eye and that I treat him like a child , I am probably to involved in his Life and I've tried backing right off but our relationship is so toxic ,
My son is now 30 and father to his 3 yr old son
He recently separated from the boys mum,which caused him to suffer from depression, anger,unable to stay employed , suicidal and now on antidepressants the last 6 months have been hell. he refuses to get help, he blames everyone else for his life choices, he smokes lot of pot as well, he became violent breaking into her house drunk after being told that a guy was seen going to her house at night,he and the guy ended up fighting with my son coming out second best, police are involved but no charges laid because his x didn't want to press charges (at least 3 yrs jail if it goes to court) she still has the statement that if she signs then charges of assault breaking and entering etc , with my help he moved to Australia to his sister's to sort his life out, although no professional help for his mental health issues he's has kept his job and is finally getting his bills etc sorted
His ex partner is finding it difficult to afford the basics for the boy( my son hasn't paid any money towards his sons upkeep)he rang her yesterday to sort out payments with the conversation turning to asking my son to have him for 3 months while she gets her life together ( she has some mental health issues too).
My son is over the moon that he is getting his son and told me on pH that now he has the power not his x or me.
I've looked after my grandson throughout his life while his parents worked having him most days, even more since the seperation as he's a delicate soul I'm very worried about how he's going to be with his dad .
My son loves his boy I know he's physically safe with him, I'm just so worried about his mental health.
Please does anyone have any thoughts/ideas on this situation.

Thanks for coming back to us. I remember your post Suiww and pleased all seems to be ok with you and your family.

No, Natsbenson don't go to the airport!
Why make it harder for them?

Download the live flight tracker and wave them off in your heart ❤️
I have learned to do this.
They really do not want anyone at the airport.

Natsbenson

My DD and two GK emigrating to Australia in 10 days.SIL already gone 2 weeks ago as it's a sponsored job off he got.
Happy for them but also gutted.
We want to go to the airport to see them off but DD doesn't want us to.as she thinks GK of 5 might get upset.he doesn't really understand that he won't see grandma and grandad for ages though.We would just make it a fun time and then prob cry after we've left them.
Are we right to insist we go to the airport.

Are we right to insist we go to the airport.?

I don't know what's best, but I'd be guided by them.

I confess to (still) occasionally walking along my distant children's roads on Google maps though ...

Yes, it's really interesting 🙂
However, I tried that with a house they were renting for a while because I wanted to see what it was like, but it hadn't been built when Google mapped that road!
We did stay there once afterwards.

My DD and two GK emigrating to Australia in 10 days.SIL already gone 2 weeks ago as it's a sponsored job off he got.
Happy for them but also gutted.
We want to go to the airport to see them off but DD doesn't want us to.as she thinks GK of 5 might get upset.he doesn't really understand that he won't see grandma and grandad for ages though.We would just make it a fun time and then prob cry after we've left them.
Are we right to insist we go to the airport.

Suieww - glad your spirits have lifted xx

Remember there is always a chance they will not stay. Many return.

Thanks for letting us know how you are going Suieww and so glad you are feeling better now.

So pleased to hear the "void has lessened"
I think that if you are able to visit once you are able to imagine their lives so much better and it feels a bit more "ordinary".

I confess to (still) occasionally walking along my distant children's roads on Google maps though... 🙄

It might not be forever. They might decide Australia is not for them after all and come home. xx

Glad to see this year looks so much brighter Suieww.

We all just want our families to be happy don’t we?

This time last year I was in bits as my DD and family were emigrating to Australia. So many of you messaged me with such wonderful support. 1 year on, I'm fine, we visited for 4 weeks and had the most amazing time, fantastic sunsets, they are living the best life they could ever hope for. 10 mins walk to the beach, wonderful schools and they are all so very happy, kids doing all sorts of sports including Little Nippers lifeguard training. I'm extremely happy for them and the void has lessened, I message the kids often, they don't always see my messages, but eventually they do. We are going again next year. So yes my lovely people you were right it does get easier. My most grateful thanks to you all.

My DD married an Australian nearly 22 years ago. They have 3 grandchildren, 2 working, 1 still at college.

We visited every year when the children were small, taking 3 weeks of precious holiday off work.

Covid interrupted this, we haven’t been for 5 years now, what’s stopping us is they all just seem so busy now, with work and different lifestyles to when the children were small, and DD was a stay-at-home mum. Now she works also, and although I hope she would be pleased to see us, having mum and dad over for a three week holiday is not the same as it used to be. Plus with FaceTime and similar, it’s not a case of not seeing her as such.

We don’t know our Aussie GC as well as we know our son’s teenagers, who live locally, but at 18 and 15, we don’t feature half as much in their lives as we did years ago, when we were more needed and dare I say useful.

DD is 50 next year, I hope we get over to see them then, as DH and I are of course getting older, and you realise time is racing by.

I too, wish she lived in Europe say, just three or four hours flight away. That would be great.

Finally, I used to get so fed up in Lockdown when other GP’s, here on GN and elsewhere, bemoaned the fact they had been apart from families for weeks on end.

I felt like saying “Join the club!”

When we emigrated it was 10 years before any of us could visit
the UK and then I took 2 of our children because we couldn’t afford to take them all. My husband stayed home with the others. It is going the same way with Australian airfares and the price gouging which is going on since Covid, not enough competition.

Suieww your grandchildren will have been in Australia now for 6months. How are you feeling now?

Your feelings are understandable suieww and I know how devastated you must be at the moment. It takes time to come to terms with your family moving so far away so don't be afraid to grieve for what might have been. Then you need to move on from that and be proud of your daughter and her family for making a new and hopefully better life for themselves in Australia.
You are aware of all the ways of keeping in touch so don't discount them, my daughter moved to America with her husband 30 years ago, no Internet contact then just airmail and telephone.
You have friends and your husband around to enjoy your life with, you will feel better about it eventually believe me,

It is the way of the world now and probably was ever thus. Most of our family live in Australia but son and his family live in Scandinavia. Time moves on and basically it is what is. It hurts but if they are happy and have a good life you make the best of it - somehow! 💐

This is interesting - even for Grandparents in the same country!

After much soul searching and severe talkings to myself when jealous of the in-laws, I have turned it around to be grateful she has loving family around her for support

This is SO true.
Be grateful someone who loves them has the time and energy to do what you cannot.

Greenandpip
I could have written your post. I have been following grandsnet for this reason…. to find consolation with others going through the same thing.
This is my first post.
Ten years ago my only DD left Australia with her then boyfriend on a 2 year visa. We waved them off happily. Next minute they break up and she meets a beautiful Englishman.
Now married and living in the country with 2 beautiful GC with in laws next door.
It was devastating once we realised she wasn’t coming home. Really hard when friends said how could you let her do this … as if we had a choice!!
After much soul searching and severe talkings to myself when jealous of the in-laws, I have turned it around to be grateful she has loving family around her for support and we have a new home away from home. She does live in a beautiful area and thankfully has enough space for long visits. In-laws and DH and I have become great friends. So on the positive side her moving to your beautiful county has expanded our lives immensely. I do allow myself a cry now and then though.

Primrose53 - it must have been so hard! I agree I often think of the generations before us. I think everyone was a bit more stoic then.

Just reading this makes me think about all the young women who came to the UK to get married, leaving their families behind and also all the women who met eg American servicemen and went to live in the US leaving their families here!

Many had no phones and there certainly wasn’t Facetime, texts etc. A lot could not afford to visit families for decades.

My own Mum was one who left her family behind and was awfully homesick and had no money to visit them. They just all wrote to each other all the time.

A cousin settled in America and was also really homesick and it was something like 15 years before she had enough money to visit the UK. Her parents didn’t even have a phone in the UK.

and something else - I would never say any of the above to my daughter! On the positive side I really like where she lives so love visiting - it's beautiful and everyone has so much more space and are much more chilled -they live an amazing outdoorsy life. She comes back and thinks everyone here looks really stressed.

if anyone is interested in contributing to an article please private message me. I haven't pitched the idea yet to anyone - also happy just to chat with others in the same situation. Please don't think you are wrong if you are desperately sad about this = I think it is normal and I also think it is exhausting trying to fight the sadness.

New here - my daughter lives in Australia too - married to an Australian and they have a farm so she won't be coming back to the UK and I actually can't imagine her here now -daughter has lived in Australia for a long time now as she went after university and is now 36. She and her partner have two dear little boys - they have just been over and back home now so am missing them so much. Their lives are lovely on the whole and yes they do have a great quality of life and my daughter is living her dream (horses). But having her and my grand children living so far away has had a huge impact on our family and yes It IS devastating. I find it really hard being around my friends who see their grandchildren all the time (and I can't stand it when they say they feel sorry for me- although I know it is well meant). Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel as if I am being punished (not helped I guess by the other granny only living down the road.) Psychologically the situation is very weird. I hadn't realised how bizarre it would feel and how hard it is to live with what is essentially a sort of grief. I never expected her to live down the road but now my dream would be for them to live a 6 or7 hour flight away so I could just pop out to see them for a week (I have done a 10 day Aus visit and it wasn't too bad!). I can cope with it on a day to day basis and obviously we are in touch all the time through FaceTime and calls and texts and I am lucky and have been out there for quite a few visits. Since Covid (that was just shocking) the fares are much more expensive and that has hit me hard. All I am saying here is that it really is hard, harder than I ever imagined and much more complicated. You get used to it. I have been thinking about writing an article about this.