Feeing left out

Theexwife

Have you tried speaking to your son about how you feel?

I do feel for the paternal grandparents who are often treated as second-rate. I understand that the new mother would want to see more of her own mother however the baby belongs equally to both parents. Your son could say that he is taking the baby to see his mother or that his mother is going to babysit in the same way that the new mother can.

Yes, but perhaps not at 12 weeks. The mother a young bond is very strong in the first few months, as Nature intended it to be. We’re still quite primeval creatures in some respects when it comes to maternal instincts.

I think it would be a recipe for conflict for even the father to announce his is “taking” the baby or to dictate his mother will care for the baby.

Have you tried speaking to your son about how you feel?

I do feel for the paternal grandparents who are often treated as second-rate. I understand that the new mother would want to see more of her own mother however the baby belongs equally to both parents. Your son could say that he is taking the baby to see his mother or that his mother is going to babysit in the same way that the new mother can.

When my first grandson was born, I remember my daughter telling me off for “hogging” the baby, when her mother-in-law was in the room. She was a very fair daughter-in-law !
Don’t worry, there’s plenty of times when your d.I.l. will be glad of your help.
Congratulations on becoming a ‘Gran’ - best feeling in the world

I think you should stop asking to babysit. Baby is only 12 weeks and it's normal for the babysitting circle to be very small at this stage. That's a lot of pressure on a new mum.

You only have 1 day off so matching the time they are able to socialise with your free time is going to be harder.

I would extend an invitation with notice. And give options.

"Are you free on .....? Would you like to come and put your feet up and I will cook us a meal or I could come to you and cook you a meal pr bring a nice lunch?

Show yourself to be a support to both of them and not just interested in baby time and I think things might go a little differently. They will have pressure from so many directions wanting to see the baby. Take the pressure a way and it suddenly becomes something that feels comfortable and easy.

I think it's understandable that you feel sad, and I sympathise.

So much depends on your relationship with your son, but could you have a word with him and tell him how you feel? It could well be simply a case of thoughtlessness rather than deliberately leaving you out. It is hard to think straight when you have a new baby.

Your DIL had a baby 12 weeks ago and she wants her own Mum.
It’s as simple as that.

When the baby’s a bit older and maybe not breast feeding, your son can bring his daughter to his Mum and Dad.