22 year old son expecting a baby need advice

My son was also 19 when he became a dad. I was concerned at first but he's a brilliant dad.

I have a friend with a son who is only now 23. His GF got pregnant 3 years ago. The son was very immature. No real idea about life. My friend was beside herself with worry.

He and his GF have just had their 2nd baby and are both great parents. I'm shocked, to be honest, how well her son is doing as a father. He was a pampered little wotsit and couldn't even make a cup of tea until he was 15. Now he's a good dad.

He (they) might surprise you.

"It just shows how deeply transitioning has cut into our language that on reading the title I thought at first that your son had transitioned from a daughter and was nowhimself (who used to be herself)expecting that baby."

May I ask what it has to do with the main issue?

Hang in there

Not sure anyone is ever really ready to be a parent but love does wonders

I was born when my parents were 21. The eldest of 4, all of whom were born before my parents reached thirty. My mother worked nights as an SEN and my father collected contributions towards some type of mutual fund during the evenings after finishing his full time job. Quite frankly I don't know how they did it.

They had very little family support as we lived in Dorset and the grandparents lived in Wales and Middlesex.

My parents were 22 and 23 when I was born. Having babies in ones 20s was the norm back then. People just got on with it. One of my cousins was 23 and his wife 20 when they had their first baby in the 1980s. Absolutely fine. I think I worry more for those ladies who leave it until their late 30s/40s before having a baby. Their stamina isn’t what it once was.

Hithere

"It just shows how deeply transitioning has cut into our language that on reading the title I thought at first that your son had transitioned from a daughter and was nowhimself (who used to be herself)expecting that baby."

May I ask what it has to do with the main issue?

Not a lot, Hithere, but no further off the subject than many other comments on GN threads. Is it a cardinal sin to wander from the narrow path in a conversation?

I was struck by how there are so many threads on gender at the moment, that my first thought on reading the title was that the OP's son was trans and pregnant. I did go on to add that the young parents will cope with this surprise baby, as many others have done before them and many more will do in the future.

We had our first daughter when I was 17. We'd been married a year, she was planned. She's 60, wonderful, has GC and STB GGC of her own.

Your son will be fine.

Two of ours have had children quite young. Our son was 19 and his girlfriend was 15 when she first got pregnant. We were horrified but bit our tongues. It did end in tears when the baby was 6 months old but our son travelled over 200 miles down to see his son every month and had him for holidays. He has turned out to be a lovely boy who is just about to start an apprenticeship. He lives with his Gran because things went horribly wrong with his Mum just as he turned 17. Although our son was more than happy to have him our Grandson wanted to stay in the area to complete his A levels. Sadly for us, he feels his home is where he grew up but we are so proud of him and love him to bits. Our son has 2 more children and he learned so much from his first child which has helped him appreciate them so much.
Our daughter was 19 when she asked me what I thought about her trying for a baby with her then fiancee. It wasn't what we wanted for her and I tried to gently dissuade her but she was determined because her fiancee was off to do a tour in Iraq. It turned out that my words were wasted because she was already pregnant. Her beautiful daughter is now getting ready to sit her GCSE's, her marriage turned out to be strong even when My DSIL suffered terrible PTSD and they also have a lovely son. Our daughter says she is looking forward to having a child free middle age so she can enjoy the things she'd like to do now she knows what she wants to do. She has no regrets.
With each pregnancy, we just gave the best support we could whilst encouraging them to stand on their own two feet. When things went wrong, we just tried to keep calm and signpost them in the right direction for help.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Things usually have there own way of working out. It could be the best thing to happen ever for you.

They’re both adults , albeit young ones - our children have a remarkable capacity to live up
To our expectations - or down to them. Congratulate your son and his girlfriend and expect them to be amazing parents until they prove otherwise

My son was in similar circumstances 9 years ago. He and his girlfriend were not that long into their relationship when she discovered that she was pregnant, so they had some hard choices to make.

I will admit they had a few rough years, but they came through it, and are together with an 8 year old and a 7 year old now. My DH helped in whatever way we could, but yes I was still working, and they lived in another province. I visited as much as I could, helped financially with some baby items to help set them up.

They live in our town now and we have a lovely relationship with them all. Offer whatever support you can, emotionally and otherwise. Keep lines of communication open and accept the choices they have made.

Congratulations, becoming a grandmother is a wonderful.

Mummykins, of course they'll cope! You worry about (and focus on) the responsibility, hard work, commitment and expense involved - but babies bring so much love and joy, we suddenly grow up (whatever our age) and take that responsibility gladly.

As mothers, we see our children as immature and needy (again, whatever their age) rather than as responsible adults themselves. Be happy about your new little grandchild!

It sounds as if you have an awful lot on your plate yourself and I guess this news on top is therefore a lot to cope with and in a way something you could have done without just now. I am another one who had my first child at 21, yes I was young but you have plenty of energy then and perhaps not such an awareness of all the possible problems. Who can say if all will go well, they might be 35 and it all go wrong but you must leave them to get on with it, just helping when you can or they ask. Good luck.

By the time they are through the baby years and have the kids in school they will only just be touching their 30s! So much energy for sleepless nights in your 20s. Plenty of years to have a good social life and build a career once the hardest years are behind them. Don't judge them, don't interfere, just focus on love, help them out if they ask, within reason, and enjoy those precious moments with your new grandchild.

Hithere

"It just shows how deeply transitioning has cut into our language that on reading the title I thought at first that your son had transitioned from a daughter and was nowhimself (who used to be herself)expecting that baby."

May I ask what it has to do with the main issue?

@Hithere Sorry you mis read it - I should have put my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Didn't think it would be misconstrued.

I had my son just before my 22 birthday, we had moved away from family support, had very little money but we managed and my son looks back on his childhood as happy and wanted the same childhood for his children. Be happy for them and don’t worry

Late to post, but, I think you should be happy. I had my two children at 28 and 30, I was told I was far too old to have babies!!

My son and his partner had their first child at the ages of 39 and 41, My daughter has just had her first (and only) baby at 40, her partner is 41.

Both girls had to have cesarians due mainly to their ages, I am thrilled to be a granny, at last, but I am 71 and a week at my daughter's helping her with the new baby wore me out! I do wonder if I will live to see them grow up.

So please, stop worrying and enjoy your grandchild! The parents will cope, its a big learning curve for every new parent, whatever their ages and however much advice they get. The one thing I did for my daughter was to pay for NCT classes for her which she found a great help.

Next time you see you son and his girl friend, do the following.

Tell them that you have promised yourself not to be the kind of grandmother who continually offers advice, she has not been asked for, so if or when they feel the need of advice after becoming parents, please will they ask for it?

You are saying this now, because when you were a young mother your mum, MIL, assorted aunts and other female relations all felt free to give conflicting advice and critzise whatever you did. AND IT WAS PURE HELL FOR YOU.

You will be happy to help, but again, when you are asked.

AND stick to this, though there is no harm in ringing to hear how they are getting on at reasonable intervals.

Immature or not, they are physically old enough to have children, neither suffer from diminished responsibility, so stop worrying.

Most likely, they will run into the snags all new parents do and cope with them.

If they should not be able to cope, then you will need to find a way of offering or insisting that they let you help, but don't waste time and emotion on worrying about something that may never happen.

Most young parents learn a heck of a lot from their first child and they and the child thrive on it. And the grown ups turn into responsible grown ups in the process.

They will cope lots of us do there are plenty of adults walking around so people cope with babies. You worrying wont change anything.

Lol we all worry when our kids come and say we going to be parents. You only going through what everyone else went through. Sit down have a brew and stop stressing about them. They will fine and so will you you going to find a love for this baby that you never had before and working full time you will still find time to spend with your grandchildren. I’m 57 and my oldest grandchild is 11 my youngest is 2 I’ve got 4 now and my son was also 22. Both my sons are good dads.