Missed a Graduation

Is this the only incident with your gd and/or son?

Yes, that seems excessive amount of anger from your son. Your wife went to the graduation - did she come back with reports that they were angry with you? The graduation would have been in May or June, so some time has passed since then. Has there been no communication since?

Bizarre! Of course there are times when GPs are unable to attend these celebrations. It high time your son grew up and while he is doing that he should encourage his daughter to do the same !!

If your GD is demanding an apology and saying she will never forgive you unless she receives one, she's out of order but I wonder if this is coming from your GD. There's a distinct possibility it could be down to your son PoppieRob.

Is his family really planning their Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations around the wishes of a petulant teenager? I don't know how old she is, but surely old enough to know better.

Your son's overall attitude raises a red flag and does make we wonder if he is using this as an excuse when the person who is really angry is him.

You could try contacting him and asking him what's really behind this overreaction.

Obviously the OP is in USA. Graduations in UK (real ones) take place at end of Universities. not Secondary(High) schools.

And many of these Uni ones have a very limited number tickets for each graduate, so often g.parents are not permitted to attend.

Seems to be a storm in a teacup to me - surely there is something more to this relatioDnship than g.dad not being able to go this ceremony.

Is it normally the case for these High School Graduations for such large family groups to attend? After all if both sets of g.parents as well as parents, and siblings, etc do wonder how all are fitted in.

Is it normal to give some sort of present to the person 'graduating'? Must say I have a set amount that I give to my g.children at each stage of their education. not a a lot - cannot afford that and I like to ensure theyare all treated the same. Ranges from ten quid when they move to secondary school upto to a couple of hundred pounds when they get their Bachelors Degree.

Seems that the OP failed to also advice his son when he could not attend that day - just contacting his g.daughter direct. Perhaps that needs explaining - and also letting the son know how hurt you and his g.mother are this unkindness and probably also upsetting g.daughter.

Fathers let alone Grandfathers all over the world often miss important events so it is quite unreasonable of your son to behave like this. However, if you were a father who put work before everything, maybe you have touched a raw wound. Only you would know that so it might be worth having an honest review of your son's childhood to see if there is anything there. That doesn't make your son right to scream and shout at you but maybe if might give you an idea where this is coming from.
If that isn't the case, may I suggest a carefully crafted letter to your grandaughter apologising again and asking for her forgiveness. Perhaps at the time, your grandaughter was caught up in the euphoria of graduation but felt more hurt when she stopped to thing about it (or when her father put it into her head!). I'd be inclined to tell her how much I loved her, reminded her that she can tell you of any problems even if they involve you and how important your relationship is with her. Hopefully she will have the maturity to understand better than your son.

Your son needs to grow up.

Good, reasonable post Franbern.

I may not understand this very well, as Secondary schools in the UK don't tend to have have large graduation ceremonies.

I do remember there was an evening assembly where they received their GCSE and A level certificates and a VIP was sometimes invited to present them. Just the parent(s) attended.

We ignore rude behaviour, time heals.

Your son has really over reacted to this situation Poppierob sounds like an extremely unpleasant phone call.
Your granddaughter also has behaved strangely if she initially said she understood why you could not attend the graduation.
I would let some time elapse then try to talk to your son calmly about what has happened, I too think your son has probably put this idea in his daughter's head.
Time for your son to behave in a more adult fashion.

Good heavens what an overreaction. It wasn't even a University graduation. What a shame your son hasn't got things in proportion.
Your poor DGD. I'm sure she'll be upset at your exclusion from family events.
Unless there's more to this?

Yes, most likely it's more my son than my GD. He's 43 but has what I call extended adolescence. When there is conflict he generally flys off the handle and goes consensus shopping, but he's never gone this far before.

You don't sound like you have a great deal of respect for your son to be honest. Perhaps there's a route to his behaviour in that. I'm not saying it's acceptable for him to shout and swear at you. But really, you don't respect him, he doesn't seem to have much faith in your motives or whathaveyou, why do you bother with each other?

Recognising a person (particularly your own offspring's) faults doesnt mean you don't have any respect for them.

In adults, generally, it's reasonable to expect that respect goes both ways.

This annoys me. Don’t tell me about all we’ve done just get mad at the one. Thing we haven’t! I feel for you.

goes consensus shopping

Sorry, I don't understand what that is
🤔