Difficult Granddaughter

I just started teaching my 8 yr old granddaughter to sew. We spent a lovely afternoon together making simple sewn Christmas tree decorations .
She is normally a very headstrong young lady and always moving so I was happy to see her fiercely concentrating on her project. She was so pleased with herself. After 3 ornaments for our tree she said she needed to make a star for her other grandma, which she did.
Next stop - knitting!

If she is only three with parents who are fairly relaxed about discipline and you are a strict disciplinarian it’s not really surprising that she does not want to spend time with you. I don’t think the activities you choose with your DGD can be fully appreciated by one so young. Best to be relaxed and be guided by the games SHE wants to play because those are the games she understands. Obviously you need to curb really bad behaviour, but do it gently. Distraction and fun things help - put a little tissue on your face and puff it off - children really appreciate adults doing silly (but safe) things. My DGS (20) always said he liked me being daft because I didn’t seem old. I’m still nutty with youngest nine and twin six year old DGCs and they appreciate a good laugh at my expense.

Eazybee
Most three year olds are usually at nursery at least some of the time, so are quite aware they aren’t the centre of the universe.
But I don’t think it matters to spoil them at home, they’re only little for such a short time, and I just love my granddaughter’s attitude.

Agree with eazybee. Children are crying out for boundaries and are unhappy without them. If they are placed in the very centre of everything, there is a chance they will grow up somewhere on the spectrum of narcissism. My dear grandson has been given few boundaries and has been expected to make decisions from an early age. Children are not equipped to do so and feel burdened by it. He now finds himself unhappily
at school, the teachers complaining about his lack of social skills and he has no friends. This is tragic and I wished I had stepped in earlier.

Oh dear. I couldn't get offended by a three year old lack of interest in me. I take none of it personally. I visited my daughter for a couple of days. She popped up to my 9 Yr old GD to tell her that grandma was here. GD promptly said how long is she here for? Til Monday said DD.
Does she have to stay THAT long?
I will forgive as she is autistic as is her brother.
Say it as it is.

Threenager! Take a step back but maybe sit by yourself, apparently ignoring her, and read some of her books, That's Not My..... is a very appealing set to three year olds or lift the flap books. Sit on the floor (if you can) and get some duplo out and just build. Don't invite her to join in. She will wonder why you don't and, if you are doing something like that, chances are she will be curious enough to join you.

As Laurie Graham once wrote ‘ Three years olds should be deep frozen and only defrosted when they reach nineteen’ 😄

Maybe you are trying too hard. She is different from your grandsons. I have 3 granddaughters and i have a different relationship with each of them. Children don't always fit into the box you want or expect. Give her tome and don't push too hard is my advice.

Have you tried making cookies with her?

Our little GC love to cut, bake, ice cookies. I know, silly.

However, some small children do enjoy baking, I think.

My advice is to not try too hard and treat them all fairly. Your dgs might be feeling hurt if he's used to your full attention.

eagleswings

Agree with eazybee. Children are crying out for boundaries and are unhappy without them. If they are placed in the very centre of everything, there is a chance they will grow up somewhere on the spectrum of narcissism. My dear grandson has been given few boundaries and has been expected to make decisions from an early age. Children are not equipped to do so and feel burdened by it. He now finds himself unhappily
at school, the teachers complaining about his lack of social skills and he has no friends. This is tragic and I wished I had stepped in earlier.

Oh dear eagleswings that’s really sad for him - are you sure something else isn’t going on here.
Some children manage to easily pick up on social skills and the art of making friends despite firm boundaries never having been set whereas other children (and adults for that matter) will always struggle.

If anyone is difficult in this relationship it's Granny not Grandaughter She is 3 for goodness sake

Whew! My grandkids had their difficult times, but the one that was the most difficult had a mother that was attached at the hip who gave into the child's every whim. I understand how the OP feels. What surprises me is how condescending and disapproving the rest of the posters seem to be. Yes, the child is only three. However, I take great issue with the statement that things change, and most of the time it's for the better. I believe in a kind of benign neglectfulness, shored up by certain rules that do need to be followed. In other words, try to relax, have a good time, play how the child wants to play, but expect reasonably good behavior. I must say , I spent a lot of time around my grandchildren, and I didn't have most of these kinds of problems. I don't think lax parenting is ever great, and the pandemic may be part of the problem. Good luck, OP.

When I read 'difficult granddaughter ' I assumed she was a teenager.
I have 3 granddaughters and the sort of relationship you want will most probably develop in time. She's too young at 3.

MerylStreep

You don’t exactly sound like fun nanny
Maybe swap a bit of that discipline for enjoyment.

My thoughts exactly .!

I expected to read that the ‘difficult’ child was at least a teenager….she’s 3 😳 They’re all difficult at 3 🤔🤪🤣🤣🤣

I have had a lot of contact with my grandchildren, three of them living with us, and I think I have a good and loving relationship with all of them.
I do tell them off when necessary, and believe me, it’s been necessary quite often.
But I see my role as supporting my daughter, I tell them off, but don’t hand out punishments, that’s for her to decide.
You can’t force a relationship, you can’t make her want to enjoy outings, or bake biscuits.
Just relax and let your relationship evolve naturally.

#windup

What a nonsense post.

I have found this helpful because I too have a three year old granddaughter and perhaps am expecting too much. She is a fussy eater and sleeper . The trouble is its a long time since I had my own kids. I will read carefully and try to adjust my expectations. Thank you

At 3 they are glorious little beings. Let them be happy.