Daycaring Grandchildren

'Crush the spirit'? What absolute nonsense! Both of mine went to nurseries when they were three months old and I returned to work, and they were absolutely fine. They never cried when I left them and settled in immediately. I think it helped immensely with their socialisation. My SIL, on the other hand, refused to let her DD stay with anyone else and she turned into the clingiest child you could imagine. She literally had to be peeled off her mother to go to primary school.

TaraLee, I think you have made the right decision. You will enjoy the first 9 months with the new little one, building a special bond.

Hi TaraLee.
As a Diploma level Early Childhood educator who has worked in the sector for sixteen years I completely agree. When I started work I was in the babies room and found it heart breaking.

The centre I work in is fantastic, as are the staff but developmentally children under the age of one certainly do not need socialising. The best thing for babies is one primary carer; parent, grandparent, relative or a paid nanny.

Experience tells me that some children burn out by the time they get to preschool, especially if it they're in long day care.

Numerous studies show that two years of preschool (age 3-5) is optimal in developmental terms; social, emotional, cognitive, physical and language outcomes tend to be better.

You are giving your grandchildren a great start by offering to care for them, and you're building a fantastic foundation for your relationship with them. Enjoy, they grow up way too fast!

I meant to say, TaraLee, that I think you are doing the right thing - not necessarily because nursery is better for babies, but because you are treating the parents with respect, and that will be much better for your relationship in the long run. Enjoy your time with your grandson - I’m envious

Herefornow

So, sorry, because you object to a 12 month old going into daycare you are going to spite a 3 MONTH OLD BABY instead? There is a huge difference between 3 months and a year. You are taking your huff out on a 3 month old. Shame on you. Grow up.

No, the OP is doing none of the things you suggest, and you owe her an apology after you have read the thread and seen what she has said she has done. In case that’s too much effort, here it is:

I just spoke with daughter and told her I welcome the chance to spend 9 months with my grandson. It is a gift not everyone gets.

I feel better. 😀

Shame on you, Herefornow

So, sorry, because you object to a 12 month old going into daycare you are going to spite a 3 MONTH OLD BABY instead? There is a huge difference between 3 months and a year. You are taking your huff out on a 3 month old. Shame on you. Grow up.

My two children went to nursery from 6 months as there were no grandparents available. They were and are both happy, confident, well-adjusted and successful. Saying grandparents are the best option is ridiculous - the best option is a safe and loving environment with plenty of stimulation. I took my GC to a playgroup today and met another grandparent who had come along for the first time. She actually said she would normally be "sitting in the lounge watching children's TV programmes" with her 1-year old granddaughter.

Yes, I think you should not do it

Your daughter is right, babies need socialization

“Well of course. It shouldn’t take more than 2 weeks to crush the spirit of a 1 year old.”
Really? Have you heard of separation anxiety that hits at this age?

You are making way too personal.

Yes, sometimes it’s better to vent here than to a loved one.

After another 9 months of caring for a baby you may feel ready for the break.

Try to concentrate on those 9 months rather than the time they will be going to nursery.

I am pleased that you feel in a better frame of mind after venting on here.

I just spoke with daughter and told her I welcome the chance to spend 9 months with my grandson. It is a gift not everyone gets.

I feel better. 😀

I looked after DGD a couple of days a week until roughly 9 months, then she went nursery part-time, me 1 day and other granny the other. Once she started school, she and I have tea together regularly. It seems to work well.

I think you have made the right decision in your last post TaraLee enjoy the time with your grandchild.

I'm in two minds really. On one hand, I feel it's loving and caring to have a child at home. But I also know that children that attend daycare / nursery develop quicker than children at home.

So maybe a combination is the answer?

Our grandchildren did 3 days nursery, 1 day with us, 1 day with the other grans. It worked well. Those 4 are all in school now but - during the period when we had 4 under 4’s one day was enough (the 4 came from two families by the way)

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am reconsidering…..perhaps I am being judgmental where I shouldn’t be.

9 months with a grandchild is a gift. Maybe it’s best to graciously accept it. ☺️

I feel for you Taralee I also think that a child is better off with its GPS for the first couple of years if the parents can’t look after them.

However as it’s the parents decision, you can either accept 9 months of loving and looking after the next baby or not.

It’s up to the parents, it isn’t for grandparents to judge the childcare arrangements their adult children make.
Day nurseries are generally very good. It leaves grandparents free to be emergency or back up carers. Works for everybody.

My GS went to a day nursery from 6 months. I wasn’t asked to help out. His parents said they felt I’d done my bit bringing up a child. I wasn’t too happy about it. We had the child one day a week. He thrived in nursery and is now a very confident child. I was always of the view a child should be with mum but this has changed my views. Now he has a sibling who is a very clingy and different child who has been at home with Mummy. Although mum is at home now she has recognised the second child would benefit from going to day care and will be going a day a week soon.
I would still try and have the children a day a day or an afternoon a week. It’s really helped with our relationship.

My daughter lives abroad and has no choice but to put our little grandson in daycare. He goes 4 days a week. I don’t like it but she has no other options. I keep my thoughts to myself. My DH and I feel quite sad about it.

We have just had a fairly brutal reality check regarding this.

We were happily looking after GD during the week and the plan is for her to start at a local nursery when she is 1.
But my mum became ill just before Christmas and I am currently 150 miles away caring for her while she recovers. This was OK over the holiday as parents had annual leave, but now they are high and dry without childcare. The 'back-up' we had in place is also poorly right now, as so many people are.

Informal arrangements are great as long as you can guarantee your continued good health and no other family emergencies.

To be brutally honest - if you see looking after your grandchildren as ‘giving up another 9 months of your life’, and are only willing to do it if you get your own way, you are probably better off cutting your losses and saying no than doing it and resenting the parents’ choices. The parents want their children to use nursery, and that’s up to them - they will have their reasons.

I don’t know why the fact that the other grandparents pay for it matters, other than that it might open the options for the parents? Would it make a difference if they paid for it themselves?

I think really you have two options. Say it’s to sad for you when they go to daycare at one, so you don’t be doing it. Or accept that they’ll be going to day care at one year either way and enjoy those nine months with your grandchild when they need you.

Both are your choice to make but the grandchild ends up in daycare either way as that is the desire of its parents. All you have to decide is if you want the time being offered to you

Maw, we have not influenced. We accepted their choice, continue to take care of our grandchildren whenever we are asked. We watch them overnight so they can travel. We watch them during the day so they can run errands, go to appts, etc.

I just don’t want to give up another 9 months of my life, only to see another grandchild put into daycare before he is ready. That is my opinion, to which I am also entitled, just as they are to theirs. I just hope it doesn’t cause a rift.

Not for you to influence