Daycaring Grandchildren

I couldn’t do it either. I’m probably not the best person to ask as I don’t believe babies should be in daycare at all. I really sympathise with you as I think a loving grandparent is so much better. It’s so sad to think of them crying they don’t understand you’ll come back. I wouldnt be able to put myself through it a second time

Thank you! ❤️

I agree with you TaraLee. If you are happy to look after your grandchildren and they are very settled with you why go to daycare (nursery)? You can take them to various groups to socialise, or meet up with friends with children, which is what I did with my granddaughters. It also saves money!

DD always intended to put her first baby in a nursery at 6 months when she went back to work. I was still working part time so I wasn't in the equation at all. She visited all the local ones and had pretty much decided which one she would choose. It would take most of her salary to pay for it but she would be able to continue her career. And then 6 months was rapidly approaching and we realised that we couldn't possibly see him spending the whole day with strangers, so she went back to work and I retired.

I don't buy the socialisation skills bit at all. One year olds may sit and play in the same room but they don't "socialise" I think a gentle introduction to a preschool when the child is about 3 is plenty early enough. And if the child hates it stop for a bit and then try again. I think 12 months is a particularly bad age because they are beginning to understand about separation. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you don't want to do it again.

Thank you all for responding. It is truly breaking my heart, but I cannot go through spending 9-10 hours a day, 5 days a week, with a grandchild, only to see him put with strangers after 9 months.

PS—daughter’s MIL pays for daycare. Isn’t that the kicker. 😔

It’s not our decision to make, regardless of opinions here, nor indeed yours, but the parents.
Many children thrive in nurseries at the age of 1 or 2 others may be happier with a childminder, but the company of other toddlers is important to encourage socialisation.

If you don’t feel able to do the childcare, say so, but their parenting choices are not fair you to influence.

Not for you to influence

Maw, we have not influenced. We accepted their choice, continue to take care of our grandchildren whenever we are asked. We watch them overnight so they can travel. We watch them during the day so they can run errands, go to appts, etc.

I just don’t want to give up another 9 months of my life, only to see another grandchild put into daycare before he is ready. That is my opinion, to which I am also entitled, just as they are to theirs. I just hope it doesn’t cause a rift.

I think really you have two options. Say it’s to sad for you when they go to daycare at one, so you don’t be doing it. Or accept that they’ll be going to day care at one year either way and enjoy those nine months with your grandchild when they need you.

Both are your choice to make but the grandchild ends up in daycare either way as that is the desire of its parents. All you have to decide is if you want the time being offered to you

To be brutally honest - if you see looking after your grandchildren as ‘giving up another 9 months of your life’, and are only willing to do it if you get your own way, you are probably better off cutting your losses and saying no than doing it and resenting the parents’ choices. The parents want their children to use nursery, and that’s up to them - they will have their reasons.

I don’t know why the fact that the other grandparents pay for it matters, other than that it might open the options for the parents? Would it make a difference if they paid for it themselves?

We have just had a fairly brutal reality check regarding this.

We were happily looking after GD during the week and the plan is for her to start at a local nursery when she is 1.
But my mum became ill just before Christmas and I am currently 150 miles away caring for her while she recovers. This was OK over the holiday as parents had annual leave, but now they are high and dry without childcare. The 'back-up' we had in place is also poorly right now, as so many people are.

Informal arrangements are great as long as you can guarantee your continued good health and no other family emergencies.

My daughter lives abroad and has no choice but to put our little grandson in daycare. He goes 4 days a week. I don’t like it but she has no other options. I keep my thoughts to myself. My DH and I feel quite sad about it.

My GS went to a day nursery from 6 months. I wasn’t asked to help out. His parents said they felt I’d done my bit bringing up a child. I wasn’t too happy about it. We had the child one day a week. He thrived in nursery and is now a very confident child. I was always of the view a child should be with mum but this has changed my views. Now he has a sibling who is a very clingy and different child who has been at home with Mummy. Although mum is at home now she has recognised the second child would benefit from going to day care and will be going a day a week soon.
I would still try and have the children a day a day or an afternoon a week. It’s really helped with our relationship.

It’s up to the parents, it isn’t for grandparents to judge the childcare arrangements their adult children make.
Day nurseries are generally very good. It leaves grandparents free to be emergency or back up carers. Works for everybody.

I feel for you Taralee I also think that a child is better off with its GPS for the first couple of years if the parents can’t look after them.

However as it’s the parents decision, you can either accept 9 months of loving and looking after the next baby or not.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am reconsidering…..perhaps I am being judgmental where I shouldn’t be.

9 months with a grandchild is a gift. Maybe it’s best to graciously accept it. ☺️

Our grandchildren did 3 days nursery, 1 day with us, 1 day with the other grans. It worked well. Those 4 are all in school now but - during the period when we had 4 under 4’s one day was enough (the 4 came from two families by the way)

I'm in two minds really. On one hand, I feel it's loving and caring to have a child at home. But I also know that children that attend daycare / nursery develop quicker than children at home.

So maybe a combination is the answer?

I think you have made the right decision in your last post TaraLee enjoy the time with your grandchild.

I looked after DGD a couple of days a week until roughly 9 months, then she went nursery part-time, me 1 day and other granny the other. Once she started school, she and I have tea together regularly. It seems to work well.

I just spoke with daughter and told her I welcome the chance to spend 9 months with my grandson. It is a gift not everyone gets.

I feel better. 😀

After another 9 months of caring for a baby you may feel ready for the break.

Try to concentrate on those 9 months rather than the time they will be going to nursery.

I am pleased that you feel in a better frame of mind after venting on here.

Yes, sometimes it’s better to vent here than to a loved one.

Yes, I think you should not do it

Your daughter is right, babies need socialization

“Well of course. It shouldn’t take more than 2 weeks to crush the spirit of a 1 year old.”
Really? Have you heard of separation anxiety that hits at this age?

You are making way too personal.