Missing grandaughter so much

Doing what again VS?

Bet she's fuming! which could explain why she's stopped the contact PoppyBlue. Acting out of anger and not in the best interests of her child.

I remain unconvinced that the father in this case is slacking Norah. Females are not always the victims in cases like this. Men are also blamed for all sorts of things/lies by mum.

Being out our work doesn't mean the OP's son isn't decent and you haven't read that the dad isn't offering out of any benefits he may be claiming have you. The £50 he paid may have come from his benefits.

Indeed Rosie but for some reason it's OK if it's the mum whose doing so.

I have been having my grandaughter stay weekends since she was born 5 years ago (apart from the lockdown) my son Luna’s dad comes to my house to stay the weekends she stays. It’s not possible for my son to have Luna stay at his bedsit.

For 5 years? He's been in a bedsit 5 days a week and stays with his mom at weekends so he can see his daughter?
For 5 years?Could he not move in? Maybe be abit more stable?

So many questions.

I'm guessing it's also mom who has to try and juggle the £150 a month money loss, which is so much money, especially with all the end of term events happening, new uniform, food increase. Bet she's fuming!

You are doing it again Smileless

No that's not what I'm doing VS. I'm saying a parent shouldn't be stopped from seeing their child because they've missed one child support payment.

It isn't unhelpful to say that there's little can be done if the parent the child lives with prevents contact because even if there's a court order, it is virtually impossible to enforce it, even if the deprived parent keeps going back to court.

It's a horrible but not uncommon situation and as always, it's the child who suffers the most.

Of course GP have no rights, nor should they, in my own opinion. Granted I don't know court rulings on such.

However, part to support is actual monetary support. Stated that unemployed support is only £7/week. I didn't read the dad offering.

Females, typically and mysteriously, come up short and are blamed for all sort of things /lies by dad. Men could be decent/ find employment.

I remain unconvinced dad is not slacking.

Don't punish your child by preventing them from seeing their other parent because you haven't received child support; meet responsibilities, simple. In this case meet your legal and moral responsibility to ensure your child maintains contact with their other parent.
this absolutely. Any parent who uses their child as a bargaining chip is putting their own feelings way ahead of any concern for their child.

Far too many assumptions being made on here and far too much bias based on very little information. I agree, no wonder we’re not hearing back from Yvonne.

All we know is that the child and her father have been staying weekends with the OP, as his bed sit isn’t suitable. The mention of five years refers to the length of time the grandchild has been staying at weekends, not necessarily the duration of the parents’ separation. The OP says they have a “special bond”, implying her son & grandchild have a good consistent relationship.

Now financial arrangements (which there is virtually no information about) have become a problem due to the OP’s son’s unemployment (which we also know nothing about). His estranged wife is restricting access to the child as a result. We have no information about their legal status.

How can anybody posting on here apportion blame to any party involved based on almost no information?

You are making it sound like he shouldn't bother trying Smileless and I can't see how that is helpful at all

We only know what we've been told PoppyBlue which is why it's wrong to make assumptions.

Part of providing a home for a child, is for the parent who the child is not living with to financially contribute to the home in which the child is resident. Child support encompasses more than food and clothing.

GP's don't have any rights and in a case like this it isn't rights of parents that take precedence. The rights of the child must take priority; the right to have contact with her father.

What's your point Norah? The OP's son may not have been able to afford more than a bedsit for himself. If his bedsit is not suitable accommodation for him to have his D at the weekend then it makes sense for them to stay with the OP.

Father missed one payment, mother stopped his access. Father paid £50 but because mum wants another £100 she stopped access for a second time. Seems pretty clear to me.

Don't punish your child by preventing them from seeing their other parent because you haven't received child support; meet responsibilities, simple. In this case meet your legal and moral responsibility to ensure your child maintains contact with their other parent.

There's little the OP and her son can do if the child's mother is going to be intransigent VS, that's the problem.

And if custody order is so futile and waste of time, why get married vs living together?

Ive just looked up paternal rights and one point is they need to 'Provide a home for a child' so possibly court order/ paternal rights aren't valid here? Which means maintenance is questionable? Why mom gets the final say?

Who knows.

OP, I hope you get to see her. I'd try reaching out to her mom and building a relationship with her.

Sorry I'm baffled

If the court route is so pointless what should OP and her son do?

Just sit back and complain about how cruel everyone is?

But surely if he's paying maintenance he has paternal responsibility? He must be on the birth certificate?

This isn't about the past 2 weeks. What about the previous 5 years?

There also little to no mention of him.

It seems OP has been picking up her sons role. She's been staying with her for 2 days a week, for 5 years.
She's been doing the pick ups? She's been having her stay.

IMO this is where Grandparents rights need to kick in. OP has gone above and beyond and been a consistent, positive role in her life.

Yvonne Clearly states I have been having my grandaughter stay weekends since she was born 5 years ago (apart from the lockdown) my son Luna’s dad comes to my house to stay the weekends she stays. It’s not possible for my son to have Luna stay at his bedsit. Five Years

Two weeks ago my son had missed a child maintenance payment so child's mom stopped her coming to see us. Two weeks later my son paid xx mom £50 on Wednesday.

Child’s mom has stopped her coming here again as she wants another £100. My son hasn’t got that much money he is at the moment out of work.

NO, Not at all short term.

Get any legal job, meet responsibilities, simple.

That's what I keep saying Glorianny and going back to court simply isn't an option for everyone, and it's not just the other parent whose being punished, the child's being punished too and more so as at 5 will struggle to understand what's going on.

How do you know there is no court order in place PoppyBlue?

He can't win whatever he does my thoughts too icanhandthemback. If the OP's son has missed one child support payment due to lack of funds, he's hardly in a position to drag the child's mother to court for access is he.

You have no idea if there is a court order or not. Even if there is one there is no way it can be enforced, The only way to actually enforce a court order is for the parent denied access to take the other parent back to court. They then need to prove that the breech was deliberate and could have been avoided. If all that is possible the option then is to ask that the parent be judged in contempt of court and punished accordingly, which could be a fine or even imprisonment. It takes a very angry and determined person to punish your child's other parent in such a fashion.

My husband would be dragging me to court for 50/50 access within a week if I made it difficult for him to see our children.
Let alone be happy with sharing his 2 days a week with his mom for 5 years.

That's why I asked if everything is OK?
If I was OP I'd strike up a relationship with her mom, send some shopping, my grandchilds favourite foods etc.

She seems like a lovely Nan and obviously has a wonderful relationship with her grandchild.

It doesn't seem like a 'normal' situation?

'Given the mother of the child won't let him see her at the weekend why on earth do you think she'd let him pick the child up or have her after school?'

Yeah. Exactly my point.
After 5 years, why isn't he able to do school pick ups?
Why After 5 years isn't there a court order in place if he's recently out of work?

There's something that doesn't add up.

After 5 years why is there no court order in place?
Why is he OK seeing his children 8 days a month?

Which is why I asked if he's OK? There might be other issues going on so it's hard to answer.
Nan seems to very hands on, which is great, she sounds lovely and 8 days a month for Grandparent visit seems fair.
But not for a Dad? You know?

Norah

PoppyBlue

If he's out of work, why is he only seeing her at a weekend? What's he doing the other 5 days?

Could he not do the school pick ups? After school tea? Have her a few hours after school? Make the most of being out of work and spend some time with her?

Very valid points.

Clearly stated he's not got a job, what is he doing?

Slacking off on his child is poor form.

Given the mother of the child won't let him see her at the weekend why on earth do you think she'd let him pick the child up or have her after school?

One minute he doesn't deserve to see his child because he's missed a payment or two, the next he's slacking off because he's not doing the school pickup when he's unemployed. He can't win whatever he does. How long has he been unemployed? I don't know but others clearly do.

Maybe he' only been allowed to see her at the weekend. Why assume he's been slacking off? I'm not surprised Yvonne's not been back to this thread. There are some rather unpleasant assumptions being made about her son.

The OP doesn't say how long he's been out of work for; out of work for the moment suggests this is a recent development, as does him having missed a payment and not several.

PoppyBlue

If he's out of work, why is he only seeing her at a weekend? What's he doing the other 5 days?

Could he not do the school pick ups? After school tea? Have her a few hours after school? Make the most of being out of work and spend some time with her?

Very valid points.

Clearly stated he's not got a job, what is he doing?

Slacking off on his child is poor form.