Missing grandaughter so much

You can’t make me care about what you think.

I don't think anyone is trying to make you care about what we think. I find you totally incomprehensible and a bit deluded, and you don't have to tell me you don't care, I know you don't. Insincerely wishing those you interact with (despite your assertion you don't want to interact with anybody) "Have a great day" says so much about your character.

Smileless2012

Yeah I get that 1yleLyle, what I don't get is why you keep telling people that you're not interested and you don't want to interact with them, when you're interacting by telling them so.

No one has suggested that the OP tell her son that the mother of the child is using her as a weapon VS. No one has suggested that the OP tell the mother of her GD that's she's using her as a weapon. I and others have expressed our opinion that that is what she is doing.

I don't regard our GC as objects but have, and will always say that those children have been used as weapons by our ES and his wife.

Smileless,

What you get or don’t get isn’t my concern. You can’t make me care about what you think. You can cope with that fact, or not. Makes no difference to me either way. Have a great day.

Glorianny,

I am as indifferent toward whomever you are as I am your opinions on the OP. The only narcissistic behavior I see here is someone whom I never initiated a conversation with compulsively replying to everything I say, attempting to force debate on a disinterested other party. You are a random stranger on the internet. There is literally nothing you can assume or think about me that will be of any consequence whatsoever. Have a great day

I'm sorry Smileless but I really don't understand why you view it that way

Those children are hopefully happy and secure with lots of adult love and support.

The best way to have a good relationship with the grandchildren is to have a good relationship with the parents

It's bad enough when parents can't communicate well and co-parent effectively but they are the primary caregivers, those who choose to have and create children and no one else has that kind of claim on a child and shouldn't see them as objects to be fought with or over

Sorry but that's what I think

These are little people, where is their say or their choice in their role here? They aren't pies to be divided into pieces, they are here for those who love them to come together in their best interests

In a nutshell DiamondLily .

I've actually worked with Family Courts.

They do not look kindly on a parent restricting contact because of financial issues. That's how it is.

They are there purely to serve the best interests of the child, not the parents.

Financial matters are dealt with in other ways.

Ideally, Dad needs to keep up the child support. Mum needs to stop with the stropping over contact vs finances.

Public forums, which this is, invite debate..

That's it.🙄

Yeah I get that 1yleLyle, what I don't get is why you keep telling people that you're not interested and you don't want to interact with them, when you're interacting by telling them so.

No one has suggested that the OP tell her son that the mother of the child is using her as a weapon VS. No one has suggested that the OP tell the mother of her GD that's she's using her as a weapon. I and others have expressed our opinion that that is what she is doing.

I don't regard our GC as objects but have, and will always say that those children have been used as weapons by our ES and his wife.

lyleLyle

Glorianny

Surely the obvious thing to do if you believe a subject shouldn't be debated is to post your views and then leave and ignore any comments?

The fact is, what I do and say is not within your purview to dictate. Your inability to cope with this fact is your own problem. You can’t tell me when and where to post and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s amusing to me that you struggle with this fact. Have a great day.

Wow lyleLyle for someone who claims to be good at relationships. you sure do have a problem with me don't you? There is nothing in any of my posts that names or castigates you. I can only assume that either you are one of those narcissistic people who see themselves as central to every comment, or perhaps you have an over developed sense of persecution. Either way you are completely mistaken, my comment was a general one which referred to any poster. But I'm pleased you have had a laugh it is good for you. Of course it may be that none of these things apply and this is yet another attempt to justify you having the last word. (Just imagine how you would struggle if you had a DIL like me )

Callistemon21

^Children aren't objects^
We know that. I think we all know that

That's why they shouldn't be used.

Children as objects is interesting, I've read such before on GN. Never seems to have happened, but differing opinions I gather.

When I remember any of our children, GC or GGC at 5 years old they have no notion of time, weekends etc - unless an adult forces the issue. I really think this post about a very few weeks is a non-issue

Glorianny

Surely the obvious thing to do if you believe a subject shouldn't be debated is to post your views and then leave and ignore any comments?

The fact is, what I do and say is not within your purview to dictate. Your inability to cope with this fact is your own problem. You can’t tell me when and where to post and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s amusing to me that you struggle with this fact. Have a great day.

OK

Off to do something else now

Hope I've helped in some way

actually you have mentioned that! I would post differently, it is true.

I suppose we all have levels of what we feel comfortable about posting or even doing/saying. I have it in my personality to call people out on things, at home and at work, even if that makes me unpopular but I feel boundaries are really important and when they are in place everyone knows where they stand - this applies to lots of things, not just contact for children. I acknowledge it isn't easy being in blended families and sharing contact

Smileless2012

If you don't want to debate with other posters then don't respond to them 1yleLyle but this is how a forum like GN works.

As you say DiamondLily there's been criticism of the OP and the OP herself though goodness knows why. I've criticised the mother of this little girl based on what we know; she's stopped the her father and her GM from seeing her because of money.

The father's been criticised based on assumptions.

You have no control over what I do and you’ll just have to get over it. I never initiated any conversations with any of you. Take your own advice. I’m not interested in your thoughts. Have a great day!

Exactly, so that's how we should advise OP...

Language matters and how they speak to mum to resolve this and they are going to have to speak to mum will make a difference to the outcome

That is a fact

Rosie51

lyleLyle you might want to consider vloging. It's a method by which you impart your especial wisdom that requires no acknowledgement of previous posts/wisdom and definitely no interaction with anybody else's opinions, let alone any meaningful debate. I understand it's the ideal platform for the egotist.

I’m sorry if you thought I was interested in your advice. Have a great day!

I would be saying "I know you are upset with Dad, I know you might be struggling financially and stressed out, but you have to put your child first and withholding contact won't just affect dad, it will affect your child too. Please reconsider and get CMS involved to handle the financial side of things"

So would I though but I would most probably also mention the emotional impact withdrawing contact would have on the child. Of course when the child is old enough they can decided on the amount of contact they want or not.

I mean, you could just consider it and give it some thought....

If mum were here and saying that she has stopped dad seeing the child until he pays his support..

I would not be comparing the child to an object

I would be saying "I know you are upset with Dad, I know you might be struggling financially and stressed out, but you have to put your child first and withholding contact won't just affect dad, it will affect your child too. Please reconsider and get CMS involved to handle the financial side of things"

Would Mum listen to being called cruel, a bad mother, or her child described as an object?

Doubtful

So this is why I object to it being said to people who may say that to Mum, create more animosity and worsen the problem.

You have a right to say what you wish of course but it's worth considering

Children aren't objects
We know that. I think we all know that

That's why they shouldn't be used.

People are entitled to express themselves as they choose within GN guidelines.

Children aren't objects

There are other ways to express that as I have explained

I was a child in a blended family and I'm now an adult in one. Adults using children as weaponry are not to be sympathised with, in fact the opposite is true. They need clear boundaries and they need to operate within the conditions of the contact arrangements. anything else isn't acceptable for the child who presumably has no idea why she isn't seeing her Dad and Gran. I'm perplexed as to why me posting that creates a hostile approach. Of course ideally the Dad should be seeking out immediate employment as there are plenty of jobs available at the moment.

That's your perception, it is not mine.

I just say that because I've seen it happen many times in life

Well you're not alone there VS in not being willing to sacrifice relationships to have your say and once again, you appear to be suggesting that some posters on this thread are.

I'm not sure how I could

Everyone wants to sincerely help the OP, so I'm just suggesting how we could achieve that better

If suggesting fails then I'm clearly stating to OP, please stay calm in your approach.

I see too many relationships lost due to insults and anger when the situation calls for calm

Of course some are willing to sacrifice relationships to have their say... but I'm not