To betray or stay quiet

Madgran

She has already told her son and it hasn't gone well and he hasn't listened...

He has treated it like drama and ignored it

Obviously the explanation hasn't gotten the point across

So are some posters suggesting that the OP put her relationship with her son above the interests and welfare of her 9 year old GS, in case her adult son, father of this boy doesn't like what she has to say?

Unbelievable.

I know -it beggers belief ! Thank you Madgran.

Shelflife I agree! I'm so astounded by this thread and some of the responses in relation to a child of nine!

VioletSky

Madgran

I read the comments:

OP has a difficult relationships with son

Won't tell us what sort of video it is (doesn't need detail)

Doesn't have the video to forward

Son did not react well to her telling him which she predicted...

Gagajo had the right advice and most agreed, as do I

I haven't counted up who agreed with who, it's irrelevant. I don't agree, because he is nine years old. That trumps everything else. I'm astounded at those who ignore that fact, even if it is "teenage boys" stuff as Gagajo said.

Anyway, not going to get into a debate on it. I hope that the OP finds some posts and suggestions helpful and that her 9 year old grandson is supported appropriately.

Firstly deal with your grandson yourself. Make it quite clear your disgust and your disappointment then open a meaningful discussion.

Then convince him to tell his parents himself.

Maw
Even when there are controls they are so tech savvy they get round them.

I agree with MerylStreep, IMO this is a dangerous situation and regardless of your relationship with your son you must take action. This issue is a closed book to most of us but as MS says this could become very nasty indeed! Your GS is only 9 years old!! I agree it is not necessary for samcav to describe what she has seen , we know it was highly inappropriate and that is all we need to know. Samcav I think you should tell your son what is happening with his little boy, don't be judgmental or pass an opinion - just give him the information. Your GS will forgive you and understand you had to speak to his parents for his own protection. Your relationship with your son is not good , you have nothing to loose. If son thinks you are interfering then let him , you will have the knowledge that you did took the correct action. Don't hesitate!

Except that he’s nine, not fifteen.

Madgran

I read the comments:

OP has a difficult relationships with son

Won't tell us what sort of video it is (doesn't need detail)

Doesn't have the video to forward

Son did not react well to her telling him which she predicted...

Gagajo had the right advice and most agreed, as do I

Exdancer OPs post 21.06 yesterday. Unless I have completely misunderstood. If I have, apologies OP; I still think the parents should be told

Ooops - have I made a blunder in using the word gay? If so I apologise and give admin authority to remove it.

Madgran has the OP told the parents? I've looked back through the posts and I haven't seen one telling us this. Can you point it to me please.
It sounds as though the deed is done and the grandmother has been shot down in flames because she no longer has the link (but I seem to have missed it).

I remember my own Gson at about that age being sent some video showing 2 'gay' men indulging in sex (apparently) but he was upset and went straight to his parents in tears.
He's now in his 20s and told me about it a short while ago - it now amuses him, but at the time he was quite traumatised.

I think Gagajo has the perfect solution.

MerylStreep

ExDancer
What details do you expect the OP to divulge. If it was a porn video, would you want her to give details ?
If it was a snuff video would you want the details, I don’t think so.
Just leave it that it was inappropriate for a child to see.

No, not details. but what type of unsuitable material, and degree of danger/risk.

Do I get the impression there are inadequate controls and restrictions on what your GS can access on the internet?
At 9 there certainly should be. Both daily hours limits, access to unknown sites, and keeping the phone downstairs at night. These are a minimum.

As to soft porn - I wouldn't have been too worried, (many teenage boys see this sort of thing these days) but if it was snuff (extreme violence, rape and murder) I would have told the parents. I would also consider involving the police.
We weren't given enough detail to advise.

I agree with grandtanteJE65

VioletSky

Safeguarding concerns get passed on.

But without the video proof, that you won't even describe to us... all you have is drama

Not helpful at all

Why drama? It's up to the parents what they do and how they respond. The OP has told them, should she have just "kept quiet" because she didn't have the video evidence? Colluded with a 9 year old who apparently begged her not to tell his parents! Visual evidence is not always available with safeguarding information, that does not nullify that information.

And yes there may be more to the story, that is no excuse to ignore a potentialsafeguarding issue with a 9 year old child!

Hithere

As usual, giving the reaction of the son, there has to be more to the story

So OP brought it up to son without the video available? Big mistake

Goodness me Hithere I am truly astounded by your apparent ignoring of the age of this young child. The parents can choose to believe the OP or not, content available or not. "Keep it to yourself" sounds like they at least have an inkling of a possibility of some truth in this. Up to them how they respond, but not the OPS fault or mistake.

Hithere

Op
Given past background, you knew your son and dil might kill the messenger - why did you do it and further damage the relationship?

Because the NINE year old child is the priority. It is up to the parents of that child how they respond. The OP was brave and right to tell them despite knowing the possible consequences. If the child's parents can't see that and prioritise"keep it yourself" approaches .. well what a pity, but their problem, NOT the OPS.

Safeguarding concerns get passed on.

But without the video proof, that you won't even describe to us... all you have is drama

Not helpful at all

As usual, giving the reaction of the son, there has to be more to the story

So OP brought it up to son without the video available? Big mistake

why do you not have the content to shew your son.
how do you get on with the child's mother ?
there are serious safeguarding issues in all this that some people seem to be gliding over.