To betray or stay quiet

What kind of video was sent?

I would give him the chance to tell them himself, saying that if he didnt then you will have to.

Awful situation, if you dont tell and it comes out later you will be in trouble with the parents and if you tell them they will shoot the messenger.

This may not be as bad as you think, it could just be a video link that was being sent around his group of friends anf not one he had looked for himself.

I’m surprised you even have to ask. I had a similar situation with one of the grandchildren. I spoke to my daughter immediately.

It depends. Was it illegal? Drug related? Criminal activity? Animal cruelty or human bullying? OR Andrew Tate misogyny stuff? Any of those, I'd pass it on.

If it was stupid (possibly offensive to adults but not to teenage boys) stuff, I'd leave it. I'm not sure of his age, but 15 year olds do / are involved with some seriously stupid sh*t (I speak as a teacher).

IF you have to pass it on, I wouldn't pass comment, just forward the video with a note such as, got this from grandson. For you to do what you feel is best.

GagaJo

IF you have to pass it on, I wouldn't pass comment, just forward the video with a note such as, got this from grandson. For you to do what you feel is best.

this is perfect and non confrontational

I would absolutely forward the video over to my son. This isn’t you butting in, as the video was sent to you even if by accident. I would simply let your son know that your grandson asked you not to tell but as an adult you felt it was your responsibility to both of them to keep his parents in the loop.

Your grandson will get over it. I wouldn’t allow him the idea that it is okay that he can knowingly do the wrong thing and you will keep it from his parents. You don’t have to verbalize this beforehand, but this is something you can explain to him should he ask you why you told. “Granny cannot keep secrets from your parents like this.”

I don't know what that app is but clearly not suitable for 9 year olds. Could you speak to his mother about it? I think an adult does need to know and check the device and safety settings just to be sure he is safe online.

It would depend what the content was.

Stay quiet, that’s what I’d do.

I think I would explain to my grandchild that I had to tell his/her mum, it wasn’t negotiable.
Then leave it to them.
One of my daughters and I had a similar situation a few years ago, her daughter and her cousin, my grandchildren were found in their room watching something extremely inappropriate, they were about ten, we told them we were surprised and cross, and took away their laptops and phones.
We spent a long time wondering if we should tell my other daughter, they had already had a good telling off, but eventually we decided she had a right to know.
She didn’t seem particularly surprised or angry, which was definitely not the reaction I was expecting.
I think sometimes our generation are far more shocked than our children.

I'd send it back to AC with a note: IDK what this is, GS sent. I'm always stupid to scammers, does this allow such?

It's a valid question.

I would pass it on in the way Gagajo suggested in her post @ 12.34. I'd tell him you'll be doing so, so he has the opportunity to talk to mum and dad before hand.

My answer depends on what you said to your grandson when he asked you not to tell.

If you promised him you would not tell his parents, then you cannot possibly do so without ruining the relationship you have with the boy.

If you said you would have to think things over, then the answer is not so straightforward.

Your son has earlier told you to mind your own business when you expressed concerns about him or his children, so quite honestly in your place I would hold my tongue.

If he discovers that the boy is watching porn? violent videos? and asks why on earth you did not mention that the child had sent you one by mistake, smile sweetly and say, "You have asked me yourself to mind my own business, so I did so in this instance even although I felt you should know about it."

If neither your son, nor the boy's mother knows that he watches these videos, they are not likely to be pleased if you bring the matter up.

If you haven't definitely promised your grandson that you will not talk to his father about this, I think you should have a quiet word with your grandson again, and try to help him realise why watching this sort of thing is not a good idea. He obviously realises that the adult world won't approve, or he would not have asked you not to tell.

You could ask the boy to promise you to stop watching this kind of video.

If he were my grandson I would prefer to remain on good terms with him, but to explain why you were shocked by the content of the video he sent you by mistake, and that you hope he no longer watches this sort of thing.

I’ve gone along with plenty of ‘Please don’t tell mummy’ over minor things, but I wouldn’t want to damage the relationship with my daughters by keeping back something like that. Also, they probably know how to block things in future, frankly I dont have a clue.

I would send it to his parents with no comment other than you received it. He must have known it was wrong or would not have asked you not to tell.

As with anything else sent in error - I'd ignore it. Your grandson will never trust you again if you involve his parents. He isn't in control of what content reaches him, nobody is.

Hetty
I’m that case he is a victim, and his parents probably won’t be cross with him but they will certainly be better at dealing with it.

They could be very cross indeed if it comes out later, and you had chosen to brush it under the carpet.

Thank all of you for your responses. Now I’m more confused than ever. Seems about even on “tall or don’t tell”. But very grateful you’ve shared your knowledge and experiences on this matter. I’ve decided to stay mum and hope it was an innocent mistake.

You obviously have an open relationship with your daughter. Sadly, my son and daughter-in-law do not welcome ANY comments and the “shoot the messenger” adage will apply.

Good balanced post Grandtante

There are so many red flags with this. The internet is a dangerous place for an unsupervised child. I would speak to your grandson and say that you have reconsidered and you don't think it's in his interests to keep secrets from his parents. Then forward it to his father and, as others have said, just say grandson sent this. I would be unhappy about keeping secrets about from my children and I don't think it sets a good example to children to agree to do so.

Samcav
If it is illegal material don’t pass it on. On the chance that anything comes of it you are just as guilty as the first person posting it.