To betray or stay quiet

You’re joking aren’t you ? Of course you would tell on a 9 year old. What are you even thinking ? It needs to be dealt with immediately.

ExDancer
What details do you expect the OP to divulge. If it was a porn video, would you want her to give details ?
If it was a snuff video would you want the details, I don’t think so.
Just leave it that it was inappropriate for a child to see.

Op
Given past background, you knew your son and dil might kill the messenger - why did you do it and further damage the relationship?

Yes, it is unfair to ask people here to give advice, without any idea of what you are talking about. Nudity, soft porn, hard deviant porn, extreme violence or terrorism, or ???

Why are you not prepared to tell us what this video is about? I find this very odd.

It damaged things further with my son. I don’t have the actual content to send him and he said I’m being paranoid and “keep it to yourself”. I agree with you both and feel very unsettled but (I’m not normally religious) will pray and send it to my higher power on how to proceed. Thank you all for your caring messages. Much needed now…

This is a NINE year old child apparently watching seriously inappropriate arterial. That is highly damaging to a young child. That fact trumps ANYTHING in terms of possible responses consequences. The child and his mental health and well being is the priority here. Tell his parents and say that you havevtold them because it is in theirs and your grandsons best interests to know, that you care too much about your grandson to keep it from them. If they shoot the messenger repeat that message

I think you have to be straightforward with your grandson, explaining that the link he inadvertently sent you is not suitable for a young boy and that you need to tell his parents so that they can sort things out with him. Tell him it would be wrong for you to ignore it (I think he probably knows this), and keep it from his parents. Let him know it doesn’t affect your feelings for him.

Then you will have to face the response you fear you’ll get from his parents, but in my opinion you will have done the right thing.

What is this video about?

W/o that info, it is all speculations

Samcav
I don’t know how much experience you have on this issue but I have a lot. Believe me, you have no idea how bad it can get.
You don’t know who sent your grandson that video. You don’t know what they might be threatening him with if he doesn’t do what they say ( naked pictures)
They could be threatening to kill his parents if he doesn’t play ball. Yes, they do do that.
Then before you know it he’s meeting up with a creep from Grindr.
If this shocks or offends I’m not worried as I know what can/does happen.

Just as Gaga says, just depends. If just rude but funny for an 8 year old- keep quiet. Otherwise, you have to pass it on + no comment.

If I was the parent, and my mother covered up something like this, I would be very angry indeed.

If this was an older teen my advice may be different but a nine year old ? No I would pass the video along to don and say it came from grandson, you’re not sure what it is or if it somehow was sent to grand or possibly a look like scammer but you wanted him to know “just in case “ grandson had seen it. The internet is dangerous especially at that age and the parents need to know. The child’s safety comes first

Given your latest update, OP, not sure it is a good idea to tell them then

Samcav
If it is illegal material don’t pass it on. On the chance that anything comes of it you are just as guilty as the first person posting it.

There are so many red flags with this. The internet is a dangerous place for an unsupervised child. I would speak to your grandson and say that you have reconsidered and you don't think it's in his interests to keep secrets from his parents. Then forward it to his father and, as others have said, just say grandson sent this. I would be unhappy about keeping secrets about from my children and I don't think it sets a good example to children to agree to do so.

Good balanced post Grandtante

You obviously have an open relationship with your daughter. Sadly, my son and daughter-in-law do not welcome ANY comments and the “shoot the messenger” adage will apply.

Thank all of you for your responses. Now I’m more confused than ever. Seems about even on “tall or don’t tell”. But very grateful you’ve shared your knowledge and experiences on this matter. I’ve decided to stay mum and hope it was an innocent mistake.

They could be very cross indeed if it comes out later, and you had chosen to brush it under the carpet.

Hetty
I’m that case he is a victim, and his parents probably won’t be cross with him but they will certainly be better at dealing with it.

As with anything else sent in error - I'd ignore it. Your grandson will never trust you again if you involve his parents. He isn't in control of what content reaches him, nobody is.

I would send it to his parents with no comment other than you received it. He must have known it was wrong or would not have asked you not to tell.

I’ve gone along with plenty of ‘Please don’t tell mummy’ over minor things, but I wouldn’t want to damage the relationship with my daughters by keeping back something like that. Also, they probably know how to block things in future, frankly I dont have a clue.

My answer depends on what you said to your grandson when he asked you not to tell.

If you promised him you would not tell his parents, then you cannot possibly do so without ruining the relationship you have with the boy.

If you said you would have to think things over, then the answer is not so straightforward.

Your son has earlier told you to mind your own business when you expressed concerns about him or his children, so quite honestly in your place I would hold my tongue.

If he discovers that the boy is watching porn? violent videos? and asks why on earth you did not mention that the child had sent you one by mistake, smile sweetly and say, "You have asked me yourself to mind my own business, so I did so in this instance even although I felt you should know about it."

If neither your son, nor the boy's mother knows that he watches these videos, they are not likely to be pleased if you bring the matter up.

If you haven't definitely promised your grandson that you will not talk to his father about this, I think you should have a quiet word with your grandson again, and try to help him realise why watching this sort of thing is not a good idea. He obviously realises that the adult world won't approve, or he would not have asked you not to tell.

You could ask the boy to promise you to stop watching this kind of video.

If he were my grandson I would prefer to remain on good terms with him, but to explain why you were shocked by the content of the video he sent you by mistake, and that you hope he no longer watches this sort of thing.