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Grandparenting

To betray or stay quiet

(89 Posts)
Smileless2012 Thu 23-Feb-23 13:22:33

I would pass it on in the way Gagajo suggested in her post @ 12.34. I'd tell him you'll be doing so, so he has the opportunity to talk to mum and dad before hand.

Norah Thu 23-Feb-23 13:15:30

I'd send it back to AC with a note: IDK what this is, GS sent. I'm always stupid to scammers, does this allow such?

It's a valid question.

Sara1954 Thu 23-Feb-23 13:14:24

I think I would explain to my grandchild that I had to tell his/her mum, it wasn’t negotiable.
Then leave it to them.
One of my daughters and I had a similar situation a few years ago, her daughter and her cousin, my grandchildren were found in their room watching something extremely inappropriate, they were about ten, we told them we were surprised and cross, and took away their laptops and phones.
We spent a long time wondering if we should tell my other daughter, they had already had a good telling off, but eventually we decided she had a right to know.
She didn’t seem particularly surprised or angry, which was definitely not the reaction I was expecting.
I think sometimes our generation are far more shocked than our children.

maddyone Thu 23-Feb-23 13:08:12

Stay quiet, that’s what I’d do.

Zoejory Thu 23-Feb-23 13:00:13

It would depend what the content was.

ElaineI Thu 23-Feb-23 12:58:38

I don't know what that app is but clearly not suitable for 9 year olds. Could you speak to his mother about it? I think an adult does need to know and check the device and safety settings just to be sure he is safe online.

lyleLyle Thu 23-Feb-23 12:45:16

I would absolutely forward the video over to my son. This isn’t you butting in, as the video was sent to you even if by accident. I would simply let your son know that your grandson asked you not to tell but as an adult you felt it was your responsibility to both of them to keep his parents in the loop.

Your grandson will get over it. I wouldn’t allow him the idea that it is okay that he can knowingly do the wrong thing and you will keep it from his parents. You don’t have to verbalize this beforehand, but this is something you can explain to him should he ask you why you told. “Granny cannot keep secrets from your parents like this.”

JaneJudge Thu 23-Feb-23 12:36:12

GagaJo

IF you have to pass it on, I wouldn't pass comment, just forward the video with a note such as, got this from grandson. For you to do what you feel is best.

this is perfect and non confrontational

GagaJo Thu 23-Feb-23 12:34:15

IF you have to pass it on, I wouldn't pass comment, just forward the video with a note such as, got this from grandson. For you to do what you feel is best.

GagaJo Thu 23-Feb-23 12:32:35

It depends. Was it illegal? Drug related? Criminal activity? Animal cruelty or human bullying? OR Andrew Tate misogyny stuff? Any of those, I'd pass it on.

If it was stupid (possibly offensive to adults but not to teenage boys) stuff, I'd leave it. I'm not sure of his age, but 15 year olds do / are involved with some seriously stupid sh*t (I speak as a teacher).

MerylStreep Thu 23-Feb-23 12:17:50

I’m surprised you even have to ask. I had a similar situation with one of the grandchildren. I spoke to my daughter immediately.

Theexwife Thu 23-Feb-23 12:17:27

I would give him the chance to tell them himself, saying that if he didnt then you will have to.

Awful situation, if you dont tell and it comes out later you will be in trouble with the parents and if you tell them they will shoot the messenger.

This may not be as bad as you think, it could just be a video link that was being sent around his group of friends anf not one he had looked for himself.

Hithere Thu 23-Feb-23 12:14:31

What kind of video was sent?

Samcav Thu 23-Feb-23 12:11:58

I do not have a good relationship with my son but he’s a wonderful father and we do see our grandkids. Our 9 y.o. Grandson recently mistakenly sent me a video link from his discord app which was vile and vulgar in content. I never interfere because I’ve been shut down on the few things I’ve tried to discuss. Basically told to “butt out”. This was very serious stuff and my grandson begged me not to tell. What to do? I need thoughtful advice, not criticism. Thank you