Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

what about love
what about family
what about fun

what really matters? Money or love when money isnt a real problem?
what is one day a week for a loved member of family when the O/P has indicated they re financially secure AND she can make up the time?

some posts here are incomprehensible to me

I think Norah and GSM have a point.
I think a day a week IS actually a big commitment.
And if you usually work "full time" it means you are 20% down.

How old is your grandchild? Do you really need to do this?
Just wondering.

He sounds like my husband. He didn't stop me looking after our grandsons five days a week till they started school, but he wasn't thrilled about it. He involved himself as little as possible with them and couldn't really understand why I wanted to do it - and yes he was jealous. He'd been jealous of our own children too, but I always thought it was his loss that he didn't enjoy them more.

That’s not exactly how you described things is it? However regardless of whether you draw a salary you work full time in the business and therefore have a significant input. Presumably you benefit when a renovated property is sold? Partners in a business have an obligation and can’t just dip in and out as suits them.

Off you go and enjoy your grandchild.

Su51nan

Thank you for all your comments.
Just to clarify and add some detail, my husband was already running his business before I retired. When I retired I offered to help out as I had no other commitments.
I have a pension and receive no salary from his company.

Well that makes all the difference then. Go ahead and do what you want.

Op

So what is your role in the company?
How much does this babycare impact it?

Su51nan

Thank you for all your comments.
Just to clarify and add some detail, my husband was already running his business before I retired. When I retired I offered to help out as I had no other commitments.
I have a pension and receive no salary from his company.

Well then, go babysit! Live your best life

Thank you for all your comments.
Just to clarify and add some detail, my husband was already running his business before I retired. When I retired I offered to help out as I had no other commitments.
I have a pension and receive no salary from his company.

Lathyrus

Nothing wrong with wanting to be a Grandma and wanting to spend time with your grandchild.

Quite a lot wrong with changing working hours without taking into account the impact it will have on the business.

He’s said it will affect the work. So maybe he’s not jealous controlling or childish. Maybe he’s the one that’s actually being the grownup and looking at the viability of the business and the consequences for their finances.

I can think of quite a lot of ways in which the absence of one key partner in a business during the working week could have a major impact. Especially in renovating where suppliers have to be chased up or a task has to be completed against the clock because a tradesman is booked in.

The has made her case sound very simple. I doubt it is.

Absolutely. So many posters seem to have no grasp of the financial realities.

Blondiescot

Or maybe he's just using that as an excuse to get his own way?

Yes maybe. We can’t tell from the information the OPs given us which one of them is being the determined to have their own way regardless.

A selfish jealous man who wants his wife all to himself a as nd to control her.

A selfish, thoughtless woman who puts her own emotional wants above the needs of her partner and their financial security.

Like one of those optical illusions…..

Or maybe he's just using that as an excuse to get his own way?

One day a week!!!
Babies are very soon toddlers, toddlers are soon at school, school bring teenagers, then they are gone
Don’t miss that …one day a week
my seven are all grown and flown and I m thankful for every time I put something on hold to help with one or other of them I still have a lovely relationship with them but don’t often see them now Treasure every hour or day

Nothing wrong with wanting to be a Grandma and wanting to spend time with your grandchild.

Quite a lot wrong with changing working hours without taking into account the impact it will have on the business.

He’s said it will affect the work. So maybe he’s not jealous controlling or childish. Maybe he’s the one that’s actually being the grownup and looking at the viability of the business and the consequences for their finances.

I can think of quite a lot of ways in which the absence of one key partner in a business during the working week could have a major impact. Especially in renovating where suppliers have to be chased up or a task has to be completed against the clock because a tradesman is booked in.

The has made her case sound very simple. I doubt it is.

He sounds a tad controlling and jealous. I wouldn’t be happy with his attitude.

I had the very same situation years ago and I dug my heels in, at first I was flabbergasted at the words leaving his mouth then I came to the realisation that the core problem was jealousy.

So for the past 2 years you have worked together renovating properties, ok, that's good that you have worked together but now things have changed, you rightly so want to be a grandma and be part of your grandchild's life, what is wrong with that? Nothing is wrong with that, from what you have said it seems to point to throwing toys out of the pram and its extremely unfair to create this situation that you are now in.

I'm all for talking things through and working out a compromise but it seems despite you trying to do that, its to no avail, well wouldn't budge an inch, it's him who is being childish and jealous. Your relationship with your granddaughter is very precious and most certainly not up for negotiating anymore.

Tell him to get over himself and stop behaving like a spoiled brat.

We are in second relationships and have AC and GC from previous marriages - we have always said "family first" above all else and my OH would never make me choose.

Initially my thought was he’s being unreasonable, having reread your OP I feel this issue is about your relationship and relationships with your adult children.
You need to sit down, calmly, and review your expectations of each other in these new circumstances. It sounds as though he expects to be less involved with his adult children/their families, than you do.
Best of luck reviewing together

How is it not a compromise? The OP offered to do extra hours at the weekend to make up for any lost time. I wasn't aware that marriage came with binding 'obligations'...
And yes, I do understand the nature of running a business together, as my husband runs his own business. But surely at the end of the day, family comes first. I get the feeling from the OP that her husband just doesn't want her taking time away from him to look after HER grandchild - ie, not his.

You say that you only see his GC occasionally which might mean he just isn't interested in any of them including yours. If you have retired with a pension is it important that you continue working 5 days a week? If this isn't about finances you might have problems with jealousy.. I wish you all the best

Lathyrus

I don’t think it’s a compromise either. It’s just as much the OP saying I want it this way as it is her husband saying well I want it this way.

I think the fact that it’s a grandchild is stopping people from seeing that this is something where both parties need to listen to the other’s reasons and try to understand why they see it the way they do.

Lathyrus I don’t think it’s a compromise either. It’s just as much the OP saying I want it this way as it is her husband saying well I want it this way.

It doesn't seem a compromise at all, to me. OP expresses her own wishes, gave no rational idea as to how business would manage.

I fall back on the premise that a owned business is hard work and everyone must do what is necessary to keep profits.

Compromise means each side makes concessions, I believe.

I don’t think it’s a compromise either. It’s just as much the OP saying I want it this way as it is her husband saying well I want it this way.

I think the fact that it’s a grandchild is stopping people from seeing that this is something where both parties need to listen to the other’s reasons and try to understand why they see it the way they do.

You can’t say it’s ‘very manageable’ without knowing the details of OP’s commitment to their business and other details of their lives.

Just explain to him how much it means to you. It's only natural to want to be involved in your beloved grandchild's life, and one day a week is very manageable. If you were very much older or unfit, I would be hesitant, but as you blessed with the capability of being able to help out, just do it. Your husband will come round, in time, especially when he realises the happiness you gain from helping your daughter.

Curlywhirly

You have offered a compromise (working a day at weekend) so he really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Stick to your guns, and enjoy looking after your grandchild. You are not being unreasonable, he is.

That isn’t a compromise. It’s working on a day he could reasonably expect to be spent doing whatever they usually do on weekends.