Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

Does your daughter want you to babysit once a week?

I would talk to your dh how to add more items to your daily life and not impacting commitments you both have now

Your husband is jealous of our grandchild and the time you give to looking after it.

He is behaving a like a big baby himself. His behaviour reminds me of the way DS, aged 21 months, behaved when his baby sister was born.

He is insecure and afraid that you will love the baby more than you love him. Has he always dictated your life like this with passive aggression (because this is what this behaviour is) and have you always given way to his 'poor little me' act.

I cannot advise you what to do, because any man who behaved like that with me, whether I loved them or not, would get very short shrift.

M0nica. I totally agree. I couldn’t put up with him.

Couldn’t agree more with the above. You need to stand up to this controlling.

You don't have to work with your husband to contribute to your marriage financially. If you decided to go back into paid employment elsewhere he would see far less of you.

I think he sounds a bit controlling personally

What a liberty telling you you can’t spend one day a week with your baby grandchild ….awful, He’s jealous how ridiculous for a grown man to be so insecure and to tell you what to do
I went out with a guy once who went to bed for the rest of the day because I served my kids dinner before him !!! Guess how long he lasted

I agree with the others - it's one day a week, it's hardly as if you are being asked to look after your GC full-time. It leaves plenty of time for you to spend time with him. He is being very childish and more than a little controlling. He'd get short shrift from me too, I'm afraid.

You need to talk to your husband about this Su51nan it does seem unreasonable of him to not agree to the arrangement with your daughter. If you let him control. this things will only get worse I think.
I really don't see either why you should placate him by offering to work at the weekend. One day a week is not a great deal to ask when it helps your family and will give you a lot of pleasure.

You don’t give your age or your husband’s, or give any indication of when your current renovation project will be completed or what intentions the two of you have as regards future projects. Will your absence have a big effect on financial viability? You say you have offered to work at the weekend to make up time but that would impact on your time together and the usual things you do at weekends. In other words you have an obligation to your husband both in business and in family terms. It’s easy to see why you want to help with your grandchild but what obligations, financially and otherwise, would you have to give up? I’m afraid I’m a great believer in honouring obligations.

What others say. It's outrageous - and jealous, Su51nan. Of course you want to spend that time.

if you let him dictate to you on this, you'll be giving into controlling abuse.

Is this the first time you've been faced with such a dilemma? (you don't need to answer this, I was thinking out loud)

it just seems unlikely if its got to the point of feeling you have to choose).

Obligation to work/a project is one thing,

but the "obligations" of love and caring,

a marriage being give and take,

supporting each other to do what really matters to them - to me that would include the husband supporting his wife when she just wants to spend time with new granddaughter?

He sounds unreasonable to me. One day a week is not going to cause him or your business any hardship surely. If it’s what you want to do I’d go ahead. GC soon grow up and are off to school before you know it, it’s a positive thing to do to help your daughter & will give you a chance to bond with your GC.
Could he be jealous or feeling resentful because he doesn’t get to see his own GC very often or does he actually prefer it that way?

Su51nan I retired early from my job 2 years ago and we have been working together for 2 years full time renovating properties. I want to look after my grandchild once a week but he says this will affect our work and is not happy for me to do it despite me saying i will work an extra day at the weekend.

Seems you have a commitment.

I'm committed to my husband's work books and his workers meals. I honour those commitments. We do see our GC here and there, but not for a whole day generally. Perhaps see baby an hour or two per week? Compromise?

Does your daughter actually wish for a whole day a week childcare?

I know what I would say. He is being controlling.

Agree with all thea above. If you give in on this very important GC in your life- what will it be next!

Hmm. Did you both enter into the renovation projects as your sole means of finance?

Things are very tough in that area at the moment and people who did this are facing some heavy losses as house prices fall and look as if they will continue to fall and building materials have shot up in price. Did you take out loans?

Are you au fait with your finances or is he most involved with them? If you’ve had a good marriage so far, could he be a very worried man?

1 day a week doesn’t sound much but it could have a big impact. Obviously one impact will be on whatever it is you usually do at weekends.

You really need to discuss this fully together. Not take up set positions, which is how it sounds at the moment.

Circumstances change, and when they do plans have to be flexible and there are very few changes in circumstance as compelling as the arrival of a first baby grandchild.

You’ve suggested a reasonable compromise. Stand your ground.

As dds say, I’d tell him to do one.
It’s not as if you’re proposing 4 or 5 days a week. I also did one day a week with the first Gdd, to save dd and SiL some of the horrendous childcare costs, plus it was lovely to spend that time with baby Gdd,
Tell your dh he’ll just have to lump it. And if he sulks, ignore it.

Stick to your guns he CANNOT control what you do on your day off, even if he’s so mean as to not want you to spend a week day with your baby grandchild

Yes another one saying if your daughter wants your help or to see your grandchild go ahead. It's not 50,s anymore. Wee wifey doing what husband says. How dare he spoil a special time for you.

Lathyrus

Hmm. Did you both enter into the renovation projects as your sole means of finance?

Things are very tough in that area at the moment and people who did this are facing some heavy losses as house prices fall and look as if they will continue to fall and building materials have shot up in price. Did you take out loans?

Are you au fait with your finances or is he most involved with them? If you’ve had a good marriage so far, could he be a very worried man?

1 day a week doesn’t sound much but it could have a big impact. Obviously one impact will be on whatever it is you usually do at weekends.

You really need to discuss this fully together. Not take up set positions, which is how it sounds at the moment.

Agreed.

Obligations are obligations.

What in the world is wrong with an hour or two baby visit at the weekend rather than a whole day away from your business?

You have offered a compromise (working a day at weekend) so he really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Stick to your guns, and enjoy looking after your grandchild. You are not being unreasonable, he is.

Not exactly obligations but more to his reluctance than the OP actually realises?

Turning into enemies, where each feels aggrieved, isn’t going to help. They’ve got to talk.

Tell him what is happening then do it!
He has no right to dictate how you spend your time , this is 2023 not 1923!! Time he grew up , how dare he? One day a week with your precious GD how dare he try to stop that. You say you will work a day at the weekend to put things right - don't negotiate this! It's not about you not working with him it's about his need to control you !! He is immature, jealous and childish. Stand up to him and do not for a second feel guilty - he is the one who needs to step into the real grown up world. For goodness sake !!!