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Grandparenting

Daughter gatekeeping granddaughter

(126 Posts)
ClaireCEC Thu 17-Aug-23 00:37:22

What a fucking heap of shite!!! My Mum and Dad and in laws were invaluable in first days of my babies births! There were no rules, regulations or gatekeeping you just got on with it with the loving support of your close family. The advice that is being put to new parents about waiting times etc etc is fucking crap! It destroys the grandparents and robs the baby of valuable bonding time with their grandparents!

BlueBelle Thu 17-Aug-23 08:36:23

I don’t think this can be genuine, for a new poster to come on using bad language in their first post doesn’t really sit true with me so I won’t bother to get involved
If it is a genuine post then you ve had your rant, with no explanations, so not worth engaging with

Smileless2012 Thu 17-Aug-23 08:42:42

I agree BlueBelle.

Freya5 Thu 17-Aug-23 08:54:24

ClaireCEC

What a fucking heap of shite!!! My Mum and Dad and in laws were invaluable in first days of my babies births! There were no rules, regulations or gatekeeping you just got on with it with the loving support of your close family. The advice that is being put to new parents about waiting times etc etc is fucking crap! It destroys the grandparents and robs the baby of valuable bonding time with their grandparents!

Oh my, what an awful mouth. No wonder your daughter is, as you put it, "gatekeeping". Grandparents have no automatic right to see a new baby.

MerylStreep Thu 17-Aug-23 09:07:18

Ignoring the OP as, as I said above I think it’s a Bot.
But can I ask why some posters assume that because you swear you’re going to F&jeff in front of babies and children, or even worse, you’re a bad person.
Two of my closest friends are church attending Christian’s.
I swear, but I would no more swear in front of them than sky dive.

Esmay Thu 17-Aug-23 09:10:16

Hi Claire ,
Do you swear like that all the time or is it just on paper ?

Sorry , but I wouldn't want that language around my children and babies .

When your daughter is less tired from the delivery and ready I'm sure that she'll involve you more .

pascal30 Thu 17-Aug-23 09:10:44

some lavender oil maybe?

Georgesgran Thu 17-Aug-23 09:49:55

It’s a wind-up.
Thought that when it first appeared. Throw down the gauntlet and sit back waiting for ‘us’ to get worked up and defensive?

dragonfly46 Thu 17-Aug-23 09:52:27

It is still school holidays!

Oldbat1 Thu 17-Aug-23 10:00:55

Not worth a response. Disgraceful.

Callistemon21 Thu 17-Aug-23 10:05:53

welbeck

perhaps OP thought she was posting on MN;
it's the usual lingo there.

😁

We're not allowed to use language like that on here, we're supposed to be civilised 😁

Siope Thu 17-Aug-23 11:05:43

I’m amazed people are so bothered by, and judgemental on the basis of, a few swear words.

But anyway, OP, if not seeing your grandchild for a few days or weeks ‘destroys’ you, I think you need to find other things to fill your life. And, as others have pointed out, it has no impact on the baby at all - s/he neither knows nor cares about your existence, and doesn’t need you at all.

lemsip Thu 17-Aug-23 11:16:43

To be amazed that some of us are bothered by the swearwords used amazes me depends what company you move in!

and to couple such language with a baby grandchild is appalling

ginny Thu 17-Aug-23 11:22:56

lemsip

To be amazed that some of us are bothered by the swearwords used amazes me depends what company you move in!

and to couple such language with a baby grandchild is appalling.

Exactly.

lyleLyle Thu 17-Aug-23 11:41:37

If this isn’t the most dramatic, silly post I’ve seen in a while smh

OP, relax. Life is really so easy that young parents asking for space “destroys” you?

crazyH Thu 17-Aug-23 11:53:36

OP, take a chill pill 😂

Hetty58 Thu 17-Aug-23 11:54:18

I never had grandparents about when mine were born - and I didn't need any extra support either. We just got on with it. My husband had (annual) leave and my parents were at work. I would have found it a real nuisance, anyway, having people in the house, expecting tea, lunch etc. and watching me breastfeed!

NotSpaghetti Thu 17-Aug-23 11:55:08

Well ClaireCEC what you wanted and enjoyed as a new mother is not what I wanted (even then) - and would have loathed.
People are different.
Sorry you just have to suck this one up!

ParlorGames Thu 17-Aug-23 11:57:51

ClaireCEC, you act as if it is your right to bond with your granddaughter........to be clear, grandparents have NO rights.

As others have stated, all the baby needs now are her parents; this is their bonding time, they are a family unit now and the best thing for you to do is offer support WHEN your daughter says she needs it.

The time will come when you can have cuddles and get to know the new baby.

Being gobby and spouting profanities does not put you in the running for.Grandmother of the Year so the best advice is:

Button it
Put up with it
Grow up and stop behaving like an entitled conceited brat

biglouis Thu 17-Aug-23 12:11:27

I think we have to accept that the concept of "meeting" a new baby has changed radically since we were young women.

When I was in my 20s it was customary for friends and relatives to come popping out from under their various rocks to coo and make a fuss of newborns. I can recall a neighbour getting quite upset with me because 2 weeks went by since the birth and I had not called to "see" the baby. I told her well I thought you would have enough on your plate with both families wanting to come and make a fuss of the newborn so it seemed like you could do without a nosy neighbour as well. All these people have to be entertained and made time for.

What I did not tell her is that I found babies really rather boring.

Ailidh Thu 17-Aug-23 12:12:36

I assumed when I saw it that it was a wind up. If not, res ipsa effing loquitur.

What has been more interesting are the comments about entitled grandparents. I get it, that it will be painful and upsetting not to feel included in a new baby, I do; but grandparents' Rights?

Witzend Thu 17-Aug-23 12:34:26

The OP aside, I do feel sorry for GPs who are banned from visiting even for weeks, because the parents ‘need time to bond’.

My dd was entirely happy for us to visit and cuddle all 3 babies within hours of birth. She’d have been the same with in laws, only they lived a lot further away. There was never any problem with her or son in law bonding with their babies.

Obviously though we wouldn’t have visited if we had colds or any other infection.

OurKid1 Thu 17-Aug-23 12:43:18

Ok, you're upset. We get that.

The best thing my mum did when I had my children was to turn up, with a ready-cooked meal, go out and do my shopping and hoover around. So ... she recognised that bonding with her grandsons could come later and it did, when they were a few months old and ever since. They're now in their 40s.

OurKid1 Thu 17-Aug-23 12:47:19

biglouis

I think we have to accept that the concept of "meeting" a new baby has changed radically since we were young women.

When I was in my 20s it was customary for friends and relatives to come popping out from under their various rocks to coo and make a fuss of newborns. I can recall a neighbour getting quite upset with me because 2 weeks went by since the birth and I had not called to "see" the baby. I told her well I thought you would have enough on your plate with both families wanting to come and make a fuss of the newborn so it seemed like you could do without a nosy neighbour as well. All these people have to be entertained and made time for.

What I did not tell her is that I found babies really rather boring.

One of my neighbours used to knock on the door then disappear, having left a meal, peeled potatoes, prepared veg etc on the doorstep, leaving it up to me to ask her in to meet my children when I was back on planet 'normal.' She'd also pop a note through the door asking if I needed any washing done. I loved her for that. Maybe the OP should do something similar, maybe phone first to ask and most of all CALM DOWN. Babies and new parents are very sensitive to atmospheres.

Judy54 Thu 17-Aug-23 13:57:32

ClaireCEC the only heap of s***e on here is your post.

Hithere Thu 17-Aug-23 14:35:49

Parents need to bond, mothers need to heal
She has just been through a medical procedure and she deserves to decide how her time is better used to serve the needs of the baby and hers

When you don't feel your best, hosting people is in the back of your mind

When and if grandparents realize the new baby is about the couple and not about them, lots of rifts would be healed
Grandparents visiting is a want, not a need.