help with bonding with grandchild

these preferences are typically not rooted in a child's capacity to love or care for a family member more than another. and actually they change all the time, I had the same story with my son, but time past by and now we're pretty close with him

Enjoy your time with DGD. Don't worry about not getting hugs. I get the same from our friends's DD; she goes straight to my DH. It hurts, but I quietly play with the toys until joins me and we play together.

My grandmother was not a "huggy huggy" person but I much preferred being with her from quite a young age to any of my relatives who fussed me about. She read me stories and taught me to sew, crochet and embroider. None of my other relatives did that.

I run a reading group for that age and they are a very fickle bunch. Lots of them don’t like to be touched by certain people. The mums tell me they are embarrassed when their children choose one person other another. So the first thing to take to heart is that it is not personal.

When you are with them try not to reach out for them or ask for cuddles and kisses. It will come in its own time. It sounds like you are a brilliant gran, but you just need a bit more patience.

As a teacher and a granny I agree with much of the above. However hard it is you have to wait for her to be ready to come close. The more pressure she feels the less likely she is to do it by choice. Body language can often give out messages that dont match with the voice. So some possible ways that might be tried. I fyou have Lego you could ask her what she wants to make and become the granny who can help her to succeed. If you are a baker, pastry and bread are great . You will be doing an actual job so the attention is not directly expecting any specific behaviou from her. Most children enjoy rolling pastry and bashing (kneading) dough is great fun, a stress reliever and then she can be proud of "her " bread. If you have the opportunity to go with her mum to the swimming baths where you can all go into the baby pool, so you might be left in charge while mum goes to the toilets etc and so you are getting close time in a fun way and thinking about cuddling or hugging someone is not top of the agenda so that it will happen naturally. I have all sorts of things happen at school and remember one young mother getting quite distraught as her daughter cried every time she dropped her off. No matter how often I told the mother that the minute she had left her daughter stopped crying and was happy. So I had to get permission from the head to allow this lady to go to an area that usually was staff only so that she could observe unseen. Sure enough tears and sad face as she left her daughter in the classroom and by the time she had walked along this corridor and looked in her daughter was running about, joining in happily with other children, not a trace of tears. Once the mother was able to see this she felt calmer and so both her body language and her attitude changed and things improved. Hope that this reassures you and best of wishes for the future

I like Skydancer’s method of little surprises (or bribes) as ice breakers. Respect her space. Ask her to stir cookies you were making or to decorate them with sprinkles - something casual. She will absolutely start gravitating to you!!! Be patient.

My grandson is just 3 and I have had similar experiences. I have seen him reject other family members though, including his dad, when he wants his mum to do something. I try not to take it personally as we live 200 miles apart so I don't see him as often as I'd like. I spent a few days staying this last week for his birthday and had a long chat with the other granny. She was saying that he prefers her husband as 'he is the fun one'. She thinks we will find it easier when he's older as the things we'll enjoy doing with him will be appreciated more, like games and craft activities. I have previously visited a lot with my daughter, who was living with me, and she too 'is the fun one'. She has now moved abroad so he only sees her in video calls. On one occasion he climbed on my lap to talk to her when she phoned me. I enjoyed a sneaky cuddle while he chatted to her!

I had the same issue with our grandson. His grandad and him have such a tight bond it's a joy to watch and listen to
. I spend lots of time with him on my own and we have lots of fun but when grandad comes in I may as well be invisable. Perhaps because he is our 6th grandchild I don't feel it as you do but he had an operation yesterday and it was me he called for on return from theatre.
Just enjoy her don't pressure her and she'll just turn to you in her own time.

Our grandson would and sometimes still does body swerve round me to get to his Grandad. I loved and love to see it. They are so close. There are times though when the little lad wants me first. Can’t predict it, so I just wait and see. I’m certainly the favourite when food is wanted or access to the treat tin . Interestingly it’s usually me he asks when he wants permission for something or a cuddle to watch tv. Don’t fret sharke, it’s not all about who gets the first cuddle or greeting, your relationship will grow and be yours alone.

My DD was like this too. She loved my Mum but did like her own space, didn't like anyone who invaded it.

This is exactly what happened with my daughter who’s now 45 and my mum. If I could say my mum loved her too much well then that was the problem. My dad on the other hand would sit in his chair watching tv and hardly notice her but she would run in and jump on his knee. I just told my mum to take a step back and basically ignore her (which was very difficult but did work). Fast forward a year or two when daughter grew older and Grannie suddenly became her best friend and always was until my mum died at the age of 90.
I’d suggest you keep a low profile when your granddaughter arrives or you visit her. Don’t be gushing and I’m sure You’ll find that she will eventually come round and will soon start wanting to be your friend.

Children are their own people and all very different. I have three grandsons who love a cuddle, one who just likes his own space, one who enjoys a quick hug but definitely no kisses, thank you. And a couple of them have gone through granddad adoration phases - it’s very common and our littlest shows no sign of coming out of it any time soon. Don’t worry about it, sharke, just take your cue from your granddaughter, let her have her space but be there when she needs you, and I’m sure she’ll come round eventually.

I remember this with my 2nd gs he wouldn't give hugs didn't want to sit next to me I did blame covid restrictions a little at time however he's 5 now and although I wouldn't say we are best buddies things have improved just be patient

One grandson would only shake hands when he was little but is happy to hug now . His son is happy to hug.

I’d just leave her be. Hard , I know. My granddaughter was a bit like that but always tells me now how much she loves me and admires me. Her other Nana works a lot harder at it than I do but my granddaughter doesn’t appreciate the attention. She’ll come round when she’s older, I’m sure.

Don't interact with her but instead sit quietly eating chocolate.
She'll soon be your best friend!

Dear lady, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and distressing yourself for no good reason.

A child of eighteen months is just starting to make the discovery that she can express her feelings and that she can choose who she wants to cuddle, kiss and so on.

By Christmas she may well be all over you and ignoring her Granddad.

If not, remember that children are like cats: smile and speak kindly to them, but keep your distance. This makes them interested and want to come nearer to you.

You and your daughter are trying too hard and she’s feeling the pressure
Just relax and she’ll come to you
Also young children usually have a lot of women around them- this is why, sometimes when the odd man appears on the scene they will gravitate towards them - it’s a novelty!

Watching a young child watching a taciturn fisherman this morning, I noticed the child was engrossed, fascinated, edging closer and closer, while the fisherman never once acknowledged the child’s presence. Some children prefer no input from adults, and will gravitate to someone who appears to ignore them.

Sounds harsh but I would ignore her then go and do really interesting, fun things such as baking biscuits, painting or making crafts. She will doubtless be drawn to the activity. Never ask children questions, much better to let them come to you and tell you things. My mum was a reception teacher for years and she taught me this.

You are blaming a 18 month old on winding an adult up?

Some people need to reeducate themselves as being grandparents is not a natural skill

My word don't they learn quickly on how to wind us up. Sounds cruel but on first contact if you are visiting or she is visiting you, ignore her, let her go to your husband for cuddles. Look at your phone or read a paper, don't indulge her.

DGD1 would get out of the car and trot up the drive saying “where are my things?” never mind about her GPs! As everyone else has said, don’t swoop but have something that will interest her to talk about. She will soon be asking where her things are.

One of my sons wouldn’t go to my mother. It turned out he didn’t like her heavy perfume!
When we realised the problem she said she deliberately put more on so he would know it was her!
Could it be something along those lines?
She’ll grow out of it.

with all my grandkids I’ve never gone to them I let them come to me on their terms when they feel ready. The only way they will come to you is with sweets or playing with them. I get on the floor and play with them or I’d read a book. I’ve a granddaughter a little older she is 2 I see her every few months. We have video calls every week but play with her toys she will soon get noisy and come over. I’m always playing playdoh or cooking etc with them but kids like to join in or help you. Mine are from 2-12 ages I’ve got 4 of them I used to be a child minder too