Grandchildren’s messy house!

How many family relationships have fallen apart or aren't as close as they could have been, because of people who thought their opinions more important than others feelings?

Absolute back to front thinking

Something society is learning better on which is a strong positive

Why would anyone want to offend their own family?

They already know what their home looks like

It's just an excuse to throw an insult and be judgemental...

And you won't be liked for it.

I'm not at all afraid of giving an opinion that might offend. I don't deliberately cause offence, but if I disagree with something I will say so. In this case, I disagree with any idea that how people live in their own homes has anything to do with other people unless it is causing actual harm.

I chose the word wokeness because everyone seems afraid of giving an opinion which might offend. I once remarked to my daughter that her living space smelt of drying clothes which could lead to damp, which would be bad for the kids. They sorted it out.
Grandparents in the past were known for practical observations for good or bad and most families were able to take it.

It is not the gd's messy house, it is also the parents' I think you've misunderstood the OPs post Hithere. Her granddaughter isn't sharing the house with her parents, she shares it with her partner. Not that the state of their tidiness is anyone else's business but, in this particular case, your criticism of parents is way off beam.

It is not the gd's messy house, it is also the parents'

Why do some grandparents chose to ignore the fact the kids have parents?

If households with 2 working parents are putting family time before cleaning...

Then sign me up to the wokeness

I remember I used to have a perfect house when I stayed at home... When I went back to work it started slipping and trying to keep up with it was exhausting, overwhelming and stressful

But I stopped caring what people think a little while ago now. Much more value in good people and happy homes than there is what next door thinks about me not mowing the lawn this week

Wokeness? . What is 'woke' about being tolerant of other people's mess in other people's homes?

In my world a messy house is a messy mind is a messy life. I brought up 4 children to respect their space and the communal spaces of the home. We lived in a farmhouse with stone floors
And even the chaos of a large family didn't lead to mess. Too much wokeness on this thread

Your granddaughter's house sounds exactly like my parents'!

My maternal grandmother and aunt, who lived together and kept an immaculately tidy home, were wise enough to say nothing.

My paternal grandmother make unkind remarks about my mother's housekeeping, both to her and to me, when I was old enough to understand them, and did not exactly endear herself to either of us by doing so.

A dear great-.aunt of mine frequently offered to do the mending, an offer my mother accepted gratefully, so that got rid of one of the untidy piles of things left around. I took over the mending when I was ten or so and bored stiff during a school summer holiday. No-one thanked me, and after that it was just assumed to be my job.

I have always kept a far tidier home than my parents did, which is probably because my childhood home was such a mess, and the approach of Christmas, Easter, birthdays or visits from relatives drove my mother into what in Scotland is called " a right state" and saw my sister and I conscripted to tidy up.

Either you say nothing at all, or you ask politely if there is anything you can help with. If your granddaughter wants help, she will doubtless ask for it, as long as you neither look nor speak your astonishment of the mess.

I guess many family homes are in a state of chaos just after Christmas, but we go to see them, not their mess. Ignore it.

I was a very messy and untidy individual when younger but this gradually changed as I got older. Now I want complete order in my life. People do change.

My adult children's home is chaotic. It's clean enough but very untidy with washing in various stages of drying, waiting to be washed or waiting to be put away. Their are toys, books and lego projects everywhere, meals in every stage of being prepared or finished and waiting to be cleared away. You can't set foot in the hall without tripping over football boots, shin pads, school bags and trainers. Their dining table is always covered with art projects and models in progress, absolutely no clear space to actually use it to sit down and eat a meal at. But it's full of a happy contented family who prioritise spending time with each other, having interests and hobbies that they support each other in and, most importantly, parents who always have time for their children. When children grow up they won't remember having a perfect crease in the perfectly ironed pyjamas but they will remember mum and dad who helped them with their modelling projects, talked to them and actually spent time with them.

My daughter has clearly given up on housework and I don't comment. I am hardly a role model myself. In the past I have helped her but her husband would get upset because he said I shouldn't need to. She is disabled and I would gladly help but he just moans at her so I don't do it any more. I would sooner they lived in disarray but were happy.

You’ve been invited for coffee just be pleased with that. I’ve got three sons all leading busy lives get to see them when they’re free and on their terms I just deal with it. Mess or no mess that’s up to them.

Be glad you had family that wanted you to visit. Some people can only function in chaos. They have chosen their way to live. Respect their choices. I haven’t hear from my family for 7 years and Holidays are very lonely.

This is my opinion. It has nothing to do with you. The grandchildren are loved, cherished, well fed and warm and safe so stop worrying. It is their house, their mess and you can go home and live in your own house. Visit whenever but please do not criticise or give an opinion or you may not get invited back. Plus a worse case scenario is that you may get cut out of their lives entirely and not see your beautiful grandchildren again. Stay quiet.

If they are relaxed so should you be
Enjoy the company

The NHS has this to say about hoarding. Hoarding is considered a significant problem if:

the amount of clutter interferes with everyday living – for example, the person is unable to use their kitchen or bathroom and cannot access rooms
the clutter is causing significant distress or negatively affecting the quality of life of the person or their family – for example, they become upset if someone tries to clear the clutter and their relationship suffers

There is also a scale that is used to assess the fire risk and safety aspect of hoarding. sites.southglos.gov.uk/safeguarding/wp-content/uploads/sites/221/2015/05/Clutter-image-rating-scale.pdf

If your GC’s house isn’t in the conditions that cause concern, then you will have to live with it, as indeed your granddaughter already is.

rotting rood or dog poo all round

Does it matter? No

Do nothing, it is none of your business.

I'm a sahm, my house is typically quite tidy because I have time - I hoover after us, pets, and GC, mop, do all worktops and sinks daily. I run the washer and dishwasher, but I don't iron because I think ironing is a waste of my time -- imo most people have different standards (apart from rotting food of dog poo) and shouldn't be questioned.

M0nica

I could have written Dannyrae's post. It exactly applies to DS and family.

Currently, they are with us for a week, plus, reasonably tidy daughter. While they are with us, I do nothing. The house currently looks a tip and will be so until they go home. I have given up tidying rooms to immediately have them untidied again.

When they go, (nearly) everything will go with them, then a quick dust and hoover and putting all the furniture back where it belongs will return the house to normality.

The mess is worth every second they spend with us.They have been happily married for over 20 years, have two beautiful children who are turning out well. The state of the house is no guide to the happiness of the family, nor the outcomes for the hcildren.

Absolutely, M0nica

Although at the moment, one DD is on a frenzy of tidying up (more than we would normally do and I can't find things!) and cleaning

I do like it when the Christmas decorations are put away again and everything looks a bit more minimal, although I doubt our house could be described as minimal.

Tidying up is what January is for!!

it is most probably a mess because they lead busy lives and take their time off relaxing

When I visit people, I am going to see them, not their house.

Don't worry about it:

Happiness and time together as a family is far more important than having a tidy house