Grandchildren’s messy house!

You do and say nothing. It's not your house nor your lifestyle. They won't thank you and realistically what could you do or say that wouldn't sound like a criticism.

Well, that's one take on it but they may be completely overwhelmed with it and have no idea where to start, they might welcome help. Absolutely you need to very tactful if you decide to broach the subject but only you know how your relationship with your granddaughter is and how it's likely to be received. Is it worth ruining or straining a relationship for ? I'd say no. Is it worth offering help to someone struggling? I'd say yes. People have different standards, some are twitchy if there's a glass not on a coaster, others are happy with cats sleeping on kitchen worktops and dogs in their bed. Be your own best judge of the situation, it may not be how you choose to live but it doesn't mean it's wrong.

Nothing to do with you. Just enjoy their company

My own GC at nearly 19 and 16 still live at home with their parents, obviously, but their bedrooms are a tip. Their mother, our DIL, commented about this on Christmas Day.

She herself is not the tidiest of people, neither is her husband, our son.

I wonder what the GC’s homes will be like when they ever do get their own place, but not my worry.

All of them seem to prefer going out, or duvet days, to getting things tidied up.

All lead busy lives, and housework just not considered important.

🤷‍♀️

What to do?
Nothing

Their house, their lives.

My son and daughter in law live in a very messy - but not dirty - house.
I long to tidy it up but say nothing. It is their life,they are very happy and always make us very welcome

You do and say absolutely nothing, including commenting publicly on how they live and the unnecessary information, 'they have absolutely everything they need - we’ve all helped them to set up'.
Not your business.

My sons bedroom was always a disgraceful tip how ever often I cleaned it dirty sports clothes under the bed cups of half drunk cold coffee dishes of fungating cornflakes
Once he left home his own flat was kept nicely, once he married he became a complete clean freak not an item out of place never a pot unwashed
I definitely got the short straw
Stop worrying they are what they are it’s their life not yours don’t say a word !

Scenario One: they welcomed you and seemed very happy in their "tip". Say and do nowt.

Scenario Two: they welcomed you and said:" Sorry about the mess; we try to get on top of it but just can't seem to cope with it all." Offer to help.

eazybee

You do and say absolutely nothing, including commenting publicly on how they live and the unnecessary information, 'they have absolutely everything they need - we’ve all helped them to set up'.
Not your business.

Agreed. What has your helping them to set up got to do with anything? Do you expect tidiness as gratitude? And having everything they need - why does that matter? What could they 'need' that they don't have but would make them tidy up more?

As others have said, people's tolerances of mess vary hugely. Some people get twitchy if a cushion isn't straight, whilst others feel stressed when every time they stand up there is somebody plumping them up again. There is nothing you can do about how other people live, but if you want to be asked back you should just accept that their ways aren't yours.

You didn't define what the "mess" was, AJgranma, other than calling it "stuff". Assuming, on my part, that it was "stuff" they were using in their busy lives, and not rubbish, rotting food, filth, I don't see a problem.

So, no, in answer to your question "Does it Matter?" No, it doesn't matter and, as eazybee said so eloquently, is none of your business.

What is the house like the rest of the year?
You havent mentioned on here you were concerned before.
My house has been in various states over Christmas time. Some good, some not so good.

fancythat

What is the house like the rest of the year?
You havent mentioned on here you were concerned before.
My house has been in various states over Christmas time. Some good, some not so good.

There is still Christmas mess in my sitting room ). Presents that haven't been put away yet, boxes of chocolates on tables, books waiting to go on the bookcase that has been moved out of the way to accommodate the tree, a Christmas cake on the worktop so that we can 'cut and come again' with it, and so on.

I agree with others, they would have said if they were overwhelmed.

I dont see why it is relevant about them having everything and you helping them to set up, are you saying that because of that it should be tidy?

I could have written Dannyrae's post. It exactly applies to DS and family.

Currently, they are with us for a week, plus, reasonably tidy daughter. While they are with us, I do nothing. The house currently looks a tip and will be so until they go home. I have given up tidying rooms to immediately have them untidied again.

When they go, (nearly) everything will go with them, then a quick dust and hoover and putting all the furniture back where it belongs will return the house to normality.

The mess is worth every second they spend with us.They have been happily married for over 20 years, have two beautiful children who are turning out well. The state of the house is no guide to the happiness of the family, nor the outcomes for the hcildren.

Another one who's DS and DiL have a very messy cluttered house and I'm no OCD type ! So cluttered we prefer to stay in a nearby Band B! But it's not our place to say anything. If it's anything like DSs really a skip.is needed !

One of my GDs flat is a tip, it’s very messy a bit grubby but she has 4 children and expecting again 🙄 it’s sometimes bedlam there and I admit I put off going because it can be chaos with the children as they are just so exuberant and noisy and a small flat. But it’s her life and she makes the best of it.
Like me you just have ignore the mess and try and enjoy the visit.

When I visit people, I am going to see them, not their house.

Don't worry about it:

Happiness and time together as a family is far more important than having a tidy house

it is most probably a mess because they lead busy lives and take their time off relaxing

Tidying up is what January is for!!

M0nica

I could have written Dannyrae's post. It exactly applies to DS and family.

Currently, they are with us for a week, plus, reasonably tidy daughter. While they are with us, I do nothing. The house currently looks a tip and will be so until they go home. I have given up tidying rooms to immediately have them untidied again.

When they go, (nearly) everything will go with them, then a quick dust and hoover and putting all the furniture back where it belongs will return the house to normality.

The mess is worth every second they spend with us.They have been happily married for over 20 years, have two beautiful children who are turning out well. The state of the house is no guide to the happiness of the family, nor the outcomes for the hcildren.

Absolutely, M0nica

Although at the moment, one DD is on a frenzy of tidying up (more than we would normally do and I can't find things!) and cleaning

I do like it when the Christmas decorations are put away again and everything looks a bit more minimal, although I doubt our house could be described as minimal.

Does it matter? No

Do nothing, it is none of your business.

I'm a sahm, my house is typically quite tidy because I have time - I hoover after us, pets, and GC, mop, do all worktops and sinks daily. I run the washer and dishwasher, but I don't iron because I think ironing is a waste of my time -- imo most people have different standards (apart from rotting food of dog poo) and shouldn't be questioned.

rotting rood or dog poo all round

The NHS has this to say about hoarding. Hoarding is considered a significant problem if:

the amount of clutter interferes with everyday living – for example, the person is unable to use their kitchen or bathroom and cannot access rooms
the clutter is causing significant distress or negatively affecting the quality of life of the person or their family – for example, they become upset if someone tries to clear the clutter and their relationship suffers

There is also a scale that is used to assess the fire risk and safety aspect of hoarding. sites.southglos.gov.uk/safeguarding/wp-content/uploads/sites/221/2015/05/Clutter-image-rating-scale.pdf

If your GC’s house isn’t in the conditions that cause concern, then you will have to live with it, as indeed your granddaughter already is.