Feeling ambivalent

wait until the babies born, they can be little heartbreakers! they can be exhausting looking after them if you get into the minding of them as they grow.

I can understand how you feel Bluebell. My only grandchildren live in New Zealand. They hey have just visited the UK and I spent two weeks with them after not seeing them for 5 years.
I am so sad that I haven’t been able to be a ‘proper’ grandmother to them and watch them grow up.
I think those of you who are able to see your grandchildren easily are very fortunate!

My son was the first one to produce a child but I knew I would rarely see her as they are in NZ so probably didn’t feel as excited as other grans do of course I love them they are part of my son but I haven’t ever felt really close but treated them the same as my other grandkids anyway but there is a difference in me which has always bothered me a lot

My first grandchild is now 10 and another three followed. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to being a grandma but thought I might feel a strong bond once they were born but can’t say this happened in the same way it did for my own children. I have been involved in helping out with childcare one day a week with all four but found it quite challenging and tiring at times maybe because I’m an older grandparent being now 77 so have been relieved to hand them back and glad when it was time for them to start school.
I’m starting to get more attached to the eldest granddaughter now as she has started to ask my advice on things which is lovely.

Ah - at the moment this is just a pregnancy. You wait till there’s a baby in front of you! When you hold them and their eyes look up into your face your heart will melt.
👶

I had been retired 10 years when my first grandchild was born so I had established my own post retirement life and it took me a long while to adjust to being a grandma. Now I have another grandchild and I have adjusted more quickly this time.
It took me a long time to adjust to becoming a mum too

I felt quite annoyed that my daughter was pregnant. I had to be on hand for all the maternity and then for a baby YUCK! But I have to tell you that it was the best thing ever. Once you get used to the idea. After all it wasn’t your decision. My GD is the most precious person in my life. You will find that it will get you and you won’t see it coming ….true love

I have 7 grandchildren and have never felt pressured to do granny duties. I helped when I can if the kids asked but they all accepted that I too had a life.

Your feelings are your feelings and valid. As a woman who is childless not by choice but wasn't really upset by it, I think of children as people. Some I like, some I tolerate and some I dislike. I would say don't put yourself under pressure to be anybody but who you are.

I felt exactly like this when my 2 eldest grandchildren were born. I just didn’t feel that ‘DNA pull’.
I felt, and still feel, guilty. I’m surrounded by doting grandparents but really can’t put ‘me’ and ‘doting’ in the same sentence! 🙈 however, over time, I’ve come to care for them and I quite like them now - they’re 7 and 11 now. It’s nothing to do with how much I love my son - their dad - I would die for him.
Then my youngest son had a baby 4 weeks ago and I instantly fell in love with her! So strange 🤔 they live a 10 minute drive from me whereas my older son lives an hour and a half away. Is it do with quality (and quantity) time with said babies?? Plus I’m not particularly called on to babysit regularly or often 🤷‍♀️ So, no, you’re not alone, so don’t beat yourself up. Just go with it. Babies are quite cute though 😂👍

I was never bothered about becoming a Glammy, and 8 months down the line Wow, I love him so much and can’t stop squidging him when I babysit. He’s so adorable. It will come when the baby arrives

My granddaughter is 3 years old and I love her to bits, although I love my own two children and I am very close to them I have never been maternal.
I worked all the time when they were growing up and they have happy memories of grandparents, childminders and nurseries.
When granddaughter was born I was worried about the pressure I might feel about being asked to look after her. Her other Grandma was for many years a Nursery Nurse (a job I would have hated) so thought she would do more childcare than me.
It hasn’t quite worked out like that as other Grandma is more of a fish finger/burger and chips cook with lots of cakes and biscuits. And I only cook her healthy meals full of veg which she readily eats, I also drive and take her to playgroups, parks softplay etc. So daughter prefers me to look after her.
I did say that I would only do it 2 days a week, this is soon coming to an end as she will go to a school nursery but… daughter just announced she is having another baby.
I must admit that although will welcome a new grandchild I know I will be back doing childcare and it’s so tiring.

I wasn't sure about being a Granny tbh but I ended up being there when DGD1 was born! Love at first sight she is granny's girl too so alike .DGD2 was a'slow burn she's very different and can be difficult .But I adore her too just took a bit longer .Relax you can be as involved as you like I keep to once a week with school run .Then odd nights out babysitting and any emergency help of course

I went from no grandchildren to two on the way within a year. It felt strange when I realised that I would be a grandmother and I knocked back assumptions about devoting the rest of my life to child care duties. It’s all settled down now though and I help where I can and adore the wonderful additions to the family. Everyone adjusts!

Gruntinggrandma - I can assure you, wait till you see her - it will be love at first sight. Good luck !

I was just the same, happy for my son and wife as it’s what they wanted. But once she was born albeit in Australia couldn’t wait to get there and hold her.

Haydnpat be straight with them for your own sake. It will be awkward at first, but they will understand. It happened with me.

Haydnpat, don’t take on more than you can cope with. Childcare seems to be foisted on too many grandparents without regard for their health or their other commitments, then becomes expected, no matter what. Let your support be there for emergencies and whatever works for you on your terms. Your own health is important.

I'm about to be come a first time grandma,( February) I'm more worried than excited. My daughter will be relying on us to help her a lot as her partner works away and I'm worried I'm not fit enough,!

I was not excited about being a grandmother. You can't really imagine it, can you. However since my GC was born 17 years ago I have doted on him ever since. He is the apple of my eye. You may be very surprised at how you feel though it may take a little while.

Be a grandma in your own style. It is a bit of a shock and one isn't always sure how much this unrequested change in our lives is going to affect us, and whether we will like it.

Relax and play it by ear and instinct and forget about all stereotypes about what you ought to be. There are no 'oughts' . Just you and how you feel. I found that my DGD almost felt like an interloper in the family when she first appeared. She screamed non-stop and her parents tended to see off any help.

But when she was 10 months old we went out to lunch at a Farm shop, mother and grandparents ordered their meal and she was given the usual babymush. She just sat there, her food untouched and watched every mouthful of food that went from her mother and grandfather's plates into their mouths and back to the plate. her eyes tracked every move of the fork. and she made it absolutely clear that to her mind pie and chips was much more interesting than babymush.

And something clicked. This little person was someone with a personality on her own account with her own opinions - and one opinion was that pie and chips were much more edible than babymush. I have adored her ever since. She is now 16.

if it doesn't happen, don't worry, you will be seen as someone who loves her grandchild ut is not a baby person. You may find that suddenly you mesh with the adolescent or grown up grand daughter when thta time comes.

Hahaha had a pal like this who assured family she wouldn’t be able to be tied down too much to granny duties as she was a busy person with a lot of her own things going on still.
Guess what…she is the most excellent doting granny doing an awful lot more than many others do.

Yes, I was a little ambivalent too. It happened to coincide with another huge event in my life. However, when she was born I instantly adored her. But it did mean that I had a conflict of loyalties at times. But it all sorted itself out eventually.
Your threatened feeling comes from fear of the status quo changing, I expect? Or being expected to do too much? It will all settle down in time and most probably will be wonderful to have a child in your life. Good luck.

This spring, I mean ... keep forgetting we are in a new year now.