Exhaustion and feeling low looking after 2 yr old 7 days a week, 8/9 hours a day for a month plus twice a year

Erm, I'm sorry to make this a thread about a thread, and it seems you struggle with life, but 6 years ago you had a problem on GN with the lack of time you were allowed with your DGD?
I am not looking for a solution as I know that we just have to accept any contact on their terms, however I do feel that we are completely unwanted by both our son and DIL and everything we had dreamed of when becoming grandparents has vanished.

OP ?

TerriBull

It never ceases to amaze me just how much some grown up children expect of their often exhausted and sometimes poorly parents with regards to child care.

I agree TerriBull and how many grandparents just say yes to major childcare responsibilities sacrificing their latter years. It’s beyond me.

The parents have chosen to take on this seasonal work which presumably pays well.
When is the next "stint"?
Can you please, immediately say you can only do a maximum of x mornings or x afternoons or x full days or whatever this next time and after that you won't be able to help out.

I feel you can't say no (for some reason?) and now it's become an expectation- so this is a half-way to no and gives it time to be digested and resolved by the parents - using some of their seasonal cash!
Personally I would have said "no" right at the start. 2 stints of 3 months is half of every year!
Where is your life in this?

You have to get out before you are lost to yourself - and are ill.

Joseann this must be a different child - and 6 years ago the OP was six years younger...

Just saying

I’m amazed at Joseann’s memory !

Ouch Joseann that's a bit unkind to dig up a 6 year old post. Maybe the op was so upset at not being able to have a relationship with her grandchildren 6 years ago and has over compensated with this one. A lot can change in 6 years, including getting older.

OP, I assume your daughter and son in law work in hospitality or the entertainment sector and their busy periods are summer and perhaps Christmas?

Either way, this is unsustainable and a wrap around childcare plan must be put in place for the children. Wrap around childcare is a way of life for working parents these days, with granny helping out maybe a couple of days a month (if she agrees) and in genuine emergencies.

Have they looked at hiring an nanny. Don't be alarmed, I know this sounds like the sort of thing wealthy people do but it really isn't. I know ordinary mums who have a "nanny". Could you and your DH possibly help towards the costs for this? I'm not suggesting you have any obligation to do so of course but it may be preferable to the current situation.

Why isn't the 2 year old at nursery? I believe there are up to 30 free hours available under a government scheme. It would benefit the child greatly to go but of course your daughter would still have to take the child and pick them up. Are there any childminders in the area?

Alternatively either your daughter or son in law will have to give up work and top up with Universal Credit or, more realistically, change their line of work completely to fit around the children. So, for example, your daughter works the night shift and your son works during the day. This is what most working parents do these days. It is a juggling act and a headache but they chose to have 2 children and it is their responsibility to cut their cloth accordingly. Not yours.

Ultimately you will make yourself ill and your daughter will have to find an alternative, possibly at short notice.

maybe.
or maybe there is a different explanation . . .
only OP can enlighten us.
OP ?

It is obviously a different child but was attending nursery, Beachcomber31 had MH problems which she said were likely to last all her life, didn’t see the grandchild and her dil had ended their relationship. So who is looking after this other child when not at school? Or is this a wind up?

Curiouser and curiouser... what have these seasonal parents done with the original DGD who must be over 6 by now?

maybe it's different parents

There’s a lot of criticism disguised as support here, and I don’t think it’s fair to dig up old threads and jump to suspicion of a windup. I agree you are doing too much BeachComber and you seem overwhelmed (not surprisingly) but I also understand how we can fall into these arrangements in trying to support our adult children and grandchildren.

Perhaps this is the only work available to the parents, perhaps they need to work these hours while they can to support themselves during the rest of the year when work is short. Perhaps like most parents they are simply doing their best for their family and don’t particularly enjoy how things are. Perhaps like most adult children they don’t actually realise their parents are getting older or just how much they are struggling.

In the middle of all this is a two year old who is probably also struggling with the ever changing routine and carers and is communicating their distress in the only way a two year old can - by clinging to the one parent figure who provides the greatest security at this point in time.

I think you need to talk honestly to the parents and explain just how hard you are finding this. This is no time for criticism but it’s time to look for a better way forward that everyone can manage and that acknowledges everyone’s needs. Hopefully nursery might provide some respite which will increase as the little one gets older. Good luck, you need some time for yourself now.

Curiouser and curiouser... what have these seasonal parents done with the original DGD who must be over 6 by now?

Say what?? Did you not read the title of the post? It clearly states that this grandchild is 2.

Why are some of you troll hunting?

PuddyCat

Ouch Joseann that's a bit unkind to dig up a 6 year old post. Maybe the op was so upset at not being able to have a relationship with her grandchildren 6 years ago and has over compensated with this one. A lot can change in 6 years, including getting older.

I agree,, but now is the time to enjoy your own life with your husband whilst you still can

Do the maths PuddyCat. How old will a child who was at nursery six years ago be now?

You really need to cut down this arrangement . Also - having looked after DGSs a fair bit - be very aware that once they start pre school and school you will not see them much at all .Then you will need your arrangements with friends which have been stopped by all the childcare.

It might sound harsh but you need to put your foot down now or you will collapse under it all. You need your own time and to be with your friends. I said from day one that I wasn’t being put on by my children when they had their kids. If they wanted kids then get on and either look after them theirselves of pay for child minding. My daughter wasn’t too chuffed and went to her (then) inlaws who ended up having them nearly full time like yourself. I still didnt relent and had then occasionally on a weekend, but no more. It is your life and don’t let them have anymore of your precious time. We only life once!

Do the maths PuddyCat. How old will a child who was at nursery six years ago be now?

But how do you know that this is the same grandchild that was discussed 6 years ago? The op was quite clear that this particular child is just 2 years old and so cannot be the same one from 6 years ago. Is that too difficult for you to imagine? Why are you so desperate to catch posters out in perceived lies or trolling? Just stop.

Obviously it isn’t the same grandchild! Isn’t that obvious? You may not have noticed that I wasn’t the first to raise the OP’s post of six years ago.

I can understand the exhaustion aspect of this as I look after one GC for three days a week plus have other GCs before and after school. The long days can be a killer but we try (mostly successfully) to make sure that our days off remain our days off.
But OP the full on care that you are giving this obviously much loved GC is already taking its toll on your health and social life.
One way around this is to join a playgroup locally - you would be surprised at the number of grandparents in the same position as you. So you would have a social outlet and the opportunity to make friends and have a play date while you have a coffee and a chat. We also go to Toddler swim and Toddler Dance - not long activities in themselves but they use up energy and get you out of the house. This will change as your GC starts Nursery soon - so speak to your ACs and let them know that you are struggling a] with the childcare and b] you want them to pay for all activities that you take GC to and to look into a nursery place NOW!!
Some soft play outlets offer annual membership which is really good value for money compared to the £6-10 per session and at our local one we can sit and have a coffee and snack or meal.
It does sound as though you are being taking advantage of in providing so much childcare for your ACs - perhaps they need to look for alternative employment.

Well unless poster comes back we ll never know as we ll just keep talking to ourselves and advising the air

Germanshepherdsmum

Obviously it isn’t the same grandchild! Isn’t that obvious? You may not have noticed that I wasn’t the first to raise the OP’s post of six years ago.

I think I started it!
I'm nosey. Just fancied researching the OP's name, because I'm a bit of one. As for the thread itself, I'd already given a helpful answer, so was just surprised to read the other thread from 6 years ago - the one and only time the OP had posted. Of course it isn't the same DGD who is mentioned, but I'm just curious as to how it is now the complete reverse of the previous occasion.
(And nothing better to do while waiting for a flight home from 🇳🇱!)

Sometimes we can have too much of a good thing!

Another annoying thread where the OP doesn't come back