Exhaustion and feeling low looking after 2 yr old 7 days a week, 8/9 hours a day for a month plus twice a year

I've been babysitting my 6 yr old granddaughter for years now, 5 days a week, sometimes 6. She isn't the best behaved child and can push me to my limit.Actually she doesn't listen to anything I say.She has anxiety and is very sensitive to loud sounds, etc. She sees a Dr regularly for it, they are treating her anxiety. But she is so aggressive and can be mean. I can't take it anymore.Lately I feel my body tense up until she goes home.I don't want to feel this way, I love her very much but I feel I've had enough.Problem is my daughter has no one else to watch her, she will not stay with anyone else in the family.I don't know what to do?

@GB62 I had a similar trajectory, 3 daughters had babies in quick succession, one daughter got post natal depression and SiL only got a couple of weeks off work so I practically lived with them for several months until they could get the baby into nursery. Then another daughter had a baby with a serious condition that means the fontanelle healed prematurely and the brain couldn’t grow so they were in and out of Great Ormond street hospital and I was helping them with the baby. The other daughter also needed help for to having a very demanding job so a couple of days a week I was looking after her baby. My OH does help but becomes a hinderance when he starts saying he is hungry, when are we eating etc. I just tell him to order take way, am too busy but is a nuisance having to think of his needs as well as the babies.
I was so tired it was making me feel physically ill. So I pulled back, telling my daughters that I was feeling too tired and needed a break. Luckily they understood and we reached a new understanding.
You say that your grandson is in daycare 3 days a week and with a nanny for 2 days when you’re not there. Why not ask if they can put your grandson in daycare 3 days and you could do the other 2 days. Or you could do 3 days and your grandson could be with the nanny for 2 days.
Full time care is exhausting for young parents, for us oldies it is completely shattering. You need to be honest and if they get the face ache that’s their problem, they are the child’s parents, you aren’t.
As for a divorce you don’t sound entirely sure of this, I imagine you have a lot of resentment towards your OH for allowing this to happen but surely is better to just have it out with him about this and clear the air. Then if you still want a divorce is up to you.
All the best xx

I know exactly how you feel. I am a full time (grand)parent of a 2-yr old grandson and I'm losing it. My husband volunteers our time, which is usually my time because "someone has to work". I'm 62 and in remission for ovarian cancer and was just starting to enjoy my freedom from family pressures when my son's surprise pregnancy and marriage occurred. I'm at the beginning stages of considering a divorce. My dil doesn't work, and my son who works for my husband, only works when he wants to. Neither parent is interested in raising their child, my grandson. When we're not around the grandson is in daycare three days a week and with a nanny two days a week. I can feel the resentment growing in me towards my family and this beautiful, innocent grandson, who has nothing but love in his heart, is beginning to pick up on it I'm sure. I'm really just exhausted every single day with no time at all for me to unwind other than crashing on the bed every night. My friends have dropped off one by one. I'm lost, but I think a divorce will free me up, but maybe permanently which is what I don't want. I'm lost, angry, resentful and hurt my husband's lack of caring and support for me. At this point I have no interest in reconciling with him. He did this and I allowed it from the beginning. There's no way out, at least for me. Sorry I'm not more helpful, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Wow! Could it be that the poster is busy? Overworked and overwhelmed, especially by the responses?

I looked after my GS (now 14) when he was the age that your GC is now. I, too, found it very wearing and looked forward immensely to him having his afternoon nap. I found a local preschool and took him to that. I had to stay with him for the first few sessions, after that I was able to leave him. It was only 3 hours, but it made a big difference and he was even more ready for his afternoon nap after his lunch. Suggest you try that, even if you have to pay, as I did, until he was old enough to qualify for a free place

GSM

Looks like it might remain a mystery forever

Cossy

You’re completely correct GSM, travellers children would travel with them, sometimes attending local schools if school age, often not.

I can only think this is some kind of seasonal hospitality trade in a small holiday destination or possibly seaside town? Who knows? Will we ever know if OP doesn’t return 😂😂😂

I live in a holiday area. Popular from April to October and for a short Christmas/New Year break. What the OP describes doesn’t fit,

SallyatBaytree

And to add to my last post- as much as you try to entertain, teach and play with znd love your granddaughter..she stills needs to mix , socialise and learn from children her own age. So the current situation is detrimental to both you and to her.

100% 👍

And to add to my last post- as much as you try to entertain, teach and play with znd love your granddaughter..she stills needs to mix , socialise and learn from children her own age. So the current situation is detrimental to both you and to her.

sorry GSM

Germanshepherdsmum

I think a lot of fairground people have their children with them pascal, and they travel from one site to another, resting up in the winter months. 9am is a late start for agricultural workers, and they wouldn’t be working until 7pm when winter crops require harvesting - too dark. Frankly I can’t make any sense of it and the other thread started by the OP two years ago, added to her disappearance from this one, lead me to conclude that she’s having us on.

I think you may be correct GDM

You are being taken for granted..surely they could work 6 days and each one have different days off- thereby giving you 2 days a week free.?
The little girl surely deserves 2 days with one or other of her parents.
You must talk to them and set a date when you have to stop or reduce .This is too much.
Also ,as others have said,no.one should work 7 days a week without rest days..this sounds like an abuse of labour .
Please be more firm with the parents!!

Who works 7 days a week? I think they are being very selfish and unfair on you,and your husband. Iwatch my 2 year old grandaughter 2 days a week,love her to bits but that's enough as I'm exhausted. Her other grandparents do 2 days and childminder 1 day. I think you have to have a chat with them. Other grandparents? Also not fair on wee one. When does she see her parents and spend time with them? X

You’re completely correct GSM, travellers children would travel with them, sometimes attending local schools if school age, often not.

I can only think this is some kind of seasonal hospitality trade in a small holiday destination or possibly seaside town? Who knows? Will we ever know if OP doesn’t return 😂😂😂

I think rather than criticising the parents for their work schedules and choice of work or putting in quite rigid timetables it’s just important for this OP to understand she’s not failing or being unreasonable. She and her husband need to sit down with this child’s parents and simply be very honest and find a happy compromise for the two years until little one starts school. This can be framed in a positive way way showing it’s important that this little one mixes with other adults and children and that poor Granny needs a break of at least two days each week. Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

Incidentally, why does someone think it’s against the law to work 7 days a week? Are you referring to the 40 hours a week directive? It doesn’t apply in so many situations.

I think a lot of fairground people have their children with them pascal, and they travel from one site to another, resting up in the winter months. 9am is a late start for agricultural workers, and they wouldn’t be working until 7pm when winter crops require harvesting - too dark. Frankly I can’t make any sense of it and the other thread started by the OP two years ago, added to her disappearance from this one, lead me to conclude that she’s having us on.

While you sort this out could you look for some type of drop in play group,that way you would at least talk to people,try looking at rec centres for something different.Try to arrange you only do 3 days,your are wearing yourself out which affects the quality of your life.Tell them you are booking a holiday and see how they sort something out,good luck.

petra

I’m wracking my brain to come up with a seasonal job that starts after 9 in the morning.

I wondered about a Fairground maybe..

I’m wracking my brain to come up with a seasonal job that starts after 9 in the morning.

This does sound rather excessive and I know I wouldn't and couldn't do it.
I agree with Welbeck, just say 'no' and concentrate on your marriage and being a couple rather than a third parent.

omg omg omg just omg .. no way

It’s not against the law to work seven days a week.

Why are they only working 2-3 months and it’s actually against the law to work that many hours without a day off unless it’s cash in hand so are they claiming benefits or something why are you picking and dropping off sounds like lazy parents to me. Both of mine all work full time and both my daughter inlaws have child care for my grandkids don’t get me wrong Ive baby odd occasions but my oldest daughter inlaw said she wanted me to be a grandparent not a child minder and my sons said I’ve had them do my looking after them. If you don’t say anything you will make yourself sick

No way.
Do you live outside the UK ?

The child who tires you out has 2 parents
Let them find alternative arrangements for his childcare. Do you truly think that if the boys parents knew how you felt about looking after him, they’d leave him in your care one more day?
Stop being such a selfish old personage and let the child’s parents understand how unsuitable you actually are to have care of such a young child. Just because you’re worried they might feel your unwillingness to look after him might be seen as just you, being selfish? You’re obviously not well enough to cope with a lively toddler. Admit this or carry on being selfish and damage your health more.