Exhaustion and feeling low looking after 2 yr old 7 days a week, 8/9 hours a day for a month plus twice a year

Do the maths PuddyCat. How old will a child who was at nursery six years ago be now?

But how do you know that this is the same grandchild that was discussed 6 years ago? The op was quite clear that this particular child is just 2 years old and so cannot be the same one from 6 years ago. Is that too difficult for you to imagine? Why are you so desperate to catch posters out in perceived lies or trolling? Just stop.

It might sound harsh but you need to put your foot down now or you will collapse under it all. You need your own time and to be with your friends. I said from day one that I wasn’t being put on by my children when they had their kids. If they wanted kids then get on and either look after them theirselves of pay for child minding. My daughter wasn’t too chuffed and went to her (then) inlaws who ended up having them nearly full time like yourself. I still didnt relent and had then occasionally on a weekend, but no more. It is your life and don’t let them have anymore of your precious time. We only life once!

You really need to cut down this arrangement . Also - having looked after DGSs a fair bit - be very aware that once they start pre school and school you will not see them much at all .Then you will need your arrangements with friends which have been stopped by all the childcare.

Do the maths PuddyCat. How old will a child who was at nursery six years ago be now?

PuddyCat

Ouch Joseann that's a bit unkind to dig up a 6 year old post. Maybe the op was so upset at not being able to have a relationship with her grandchildren 6 years ago and has over compensated with this one. A lot can change in 6 years, including getting older.

I agree,, but now is the time to enjoy your own life with your husband whilst you still can

Curiouser and curiouser... what have these seasonal parents done with the original DGD who must be over 6 by now?

Say what?? Did you not read the title of the post? It clearly states that this grandchild is 2.

Why are some of you troll hunting?

There’s a lot of criticism disguised as support here, and I don’t think it’s fair to dig up old threads and jump to suspicion of a windup. I agree you are doing too much BeachComber and you seem overwhelmed (not surprisingly) but I also understand how we can fall into these arrangements in trying to support our adult children and grandchildren.

Perhaps this is the only work available to the parents, perhaps they need to work these hours while they can to support themselves during the rest of the year when work is short. Perhaps like most parents they are simply doing their best for their family and don’t particularly enjoy how things are. Perhaps like most adult children they don’t actually realise their parents are getting older or just how much they are struggling.

In the middle of all this is a two year old who is probably also struggling with the ever changing routine and carers and is communicating their distress in the only way a two year old can - by clinging to the one parent figure who provides the greatest security at this point in time.

I think you need to talk honestly to the parents and explain just how hard you are finding this. This is no time for criticism but it’s time to look for a better way forward that everyone can manage and that acknowledges everyone’s needs. Hopefully nursery might provide some respite which will increase as the little one gets older. Good luck, you need some time for yourself now.

maybe it's different parents

Curiouser and curiouser... what have these seasonal parents done with the original DGD who must be over 6 by now?

It is obviously a different child but was attending nursery, Beachcomber31 had MH problems which she said were likely to last all her life, didn’t see the grandchild and her dil had ended their relationship. So who is looking after this other child when not at school? Or is this a wind up?

maybe.
or maybe there is a different explanation . . .
only OP can enlighten us.
OP ?

OP, I assume your daughter and son in law work in hospitality or the entertainment sector and their busy periods are summer and perhaps Christmas?

Either way, this is unsustainable and a wrap around childcare plan must be put in place for the children. Wrap around childcare is a way of life for working parents these days, with granny helping out maybe a couple of days a month (if she agrees) and in genuine emergencies.

Have they looked at hiring an nanny. Don't be alarmed, I know this sounds like the sort of thing wealthy people do but it really isn't. I know ordinary mums who have a "nanny". Could you and your DH possibly help towards the costs for this? I'm not suggesting you have any obligation to do so of course but it may be preferable to the current situation.

Why isn't the 2 year old at nursery? I believe there are up to 30 free hours available under a government scheme. It would benefit the child greatly to go but of course your daughter would still have to take the child and pick them up. Are there any childminders in the area?

Alternatively either your daughter or son in law will have to give up work and top up with Universal Credit or, more realistically, change their line of work completely to fit around the children. So, for example, your daughter works the night shift and your son works during the day. This is what most working parents do these days. It is a juggling act and a headache but they chose to have 2 children and it is their responsibility to cut their cloth accordingly. Not yours.

Ultimately you will make yourself ill and your daughter will have to find an alternative, possibly at short notice.

Ouch Joseann that's a bit unkind to dig up a 6 year old post. Maybe the op was so upset at not being able to have a relationship with her grandchildren 6 years ago and has over compensated with this one. A lot can change in 6 years, including getting older.

I’m amazed at Joseann’s memory !

Joseann this must be a different child - and 6 years ago the OP was six years younger...

Just saying

The parents have chosen to take on this seasonal work which presumably pays well.
When is the next "stint"?
Can you please, immediately say you can only do a maximum of x mornings or x afternoons or x full days or whatever this next time and after that you won't be able to help out.

I feel you can't say no (for some reason?) and now it's become an expectation- so this is a half-way to no and gives it time to be digested and resolved by the parents - using some of their seasonal cash!
Personally I would have said "no" right at the start. 2 stints of 3 months is half of every year!
Where is your life in this?

You have to get out before you are lost to yourself - and are ill.

TerriBull

It never ceases to amaze me just how much some grown up children expect of their often exhausted and sometimes poorly parents with regards to child care.

I agree TerriBull and how many grandparents just say yes to major childcare responsibilities sacrificing their latter years. It’s beyond me.

OP ?

Erm, I'm sorry to make this a thread about a thread, and it seems you struggle with life, but 6 years ago you had a problem on GN with the lack of time you were allowed with your DGD?
I am not looking for a solution as I know that we just have to accept any contact on their terms, however I do feel that we are completely unwanted by both our son and DIL and everything we had dreamed of when becoming grandparents has vanished.

maybe OP is not in uk, so some schemes not available.
but that is a detail.
just say no.
go see your doctor.
tell him her everything.
your first duty is to your husband.
you chose him, and to have a life together.
you did not choose to have that life taken up with servitude in grandparenting.
you need to give your head more than a wobble.
or there won't be any life left for you and your husband together.

I am absolutely shocked!!!!! One day a week is enough for me! You are not failing them , they are taking advantage of you big time. I am with you TerriBull,
I can not believe how many parents abuse their own parents in this way - because this is a form of abuse!!!!
Stand your ground and back away , the words to use are " I can not continue with this , it has to stop " If you want to help , tell them what you are prepared to do and stick to it. Please remember you are in charge - not them !! Their child , their responsibility, full stop. Stop this asap before you become ill , stand your ground. Don't let how you feel about any mistakes you may have made when raising your own children cloud your judgement - any feeling of guilt you may have should have no bearing on this appalling situation. Stand your ground!

Oh my goodness they have dumped their child on you and you and your husband are basically her parents.

I’d be giving them notice that the arrangement no longer works and they are going to have to rethink their lifestyles to take back their child and parent her.

Looking after her 7 days a week is unacceptable to any grandparents.

Your first priority is your own health. Carry on like this and you could become ill. You need to have a frank discussion with your children and find other childcare as what they are asking would be too much for most people.
As others have suggested the 2 year old could go to nursery for part of the day which would be good for the child and give you a break.
My own view is that the parents need to be around more and look after their own child.

You must stop doing this now. The parents work seven days a week, seasonal work for a few months? And in addition you care for the child for 'fewer hours' for the rest of the year?
I don't believe them; they are taking advantage of your concern, and who planted the idea that:
' I realise how I am failing her just as I did all my parenting wrong with my own children.'
They have one child and they need to manage the childcare between them, with some support from you and your husband. At present you are doing about ninety days childcare without a break.
Decide how much care you are prepared to give, and do not be browbeaten eaten into doing any more! It sounds as though the child is taking after her parents in controlling who does what; stop pandering to them all now, for your own health.
How do this adult children get to be so demanding?

Thanks for the link V3ra. I just caught the end of a radio programme that mentioned it earlier in the week.