New Paternal GP looking for advice

Please please Daultsmom be careful. Everyone is trying to include you. Don’t spoil it. Most girls are closer to their mums. It’s just the way it is. Going forward they want you included in childcare. Look forward to that and banish that green eyed monster that wants to ruin everything. You seem well loved. Lucky you.

Daultsmom you could very well be right- seeing a mother and daughter having such a close relationship may very well have made you feel uncomfortable and upset about your lack of closeness with your own mother. At least you are trying to rationalise your feelings, which can only be a good thing. As suggested, maybe some counselling would help you work through your emotions.

Daultsmom be grateful that your DiL has a very loving mum and she has accepted you as she has asked you to mind your GC. They seem to be a loving friendly family who have made you feel welcome.
If your problems are issues with your relationship with your own mother you need to work through this maybe with a therapist.
You have been handed a golden ticket. Don't let jealousy spoil what you have

Daultsmom - I have 2 daughters-in-law, who are extremely close to their mothers. One d.i.l. chose to have her mother in the delivery room. The other didn’t. I have a daughter, but we decided, that her husband would be the only one in the delivery room. Suited me fine, as I am an anxious type.
Just be happy that you have been included in almost everything.
As someone said, it’s a competition that m.i.ls will never win. So no point joining the race…..

I'm beginning to wonder if some of what I'm feeling is a "mourning" if you will, of the relationship that I didn't have with my own mother.

Daultsmom I can sympathise with you there.
It was only after I had my own family, and made friends with other young mums, that I realised not every mother was cross with their children all the time... like my mother was 😕

I can't believe this post.. how ungrateful and lacking in insight. You are not your DIL's mother and if you allow the jealousy to continue you will undoubtably cause problems for your future..

Curlywhirly,
100% understood about delivery room. I've been reflecting on all of the advice/comments that's I've received on this post and I'm beginning to wonder if some of what I'm feeling is a "mourning" if you will, of the relationship that I didn't have with my own mother. My mother adored my son but was very cruel to me throughout my lifetime. I watch how doting her mother is to her and it's bringing out some really weird feelings.
I hope that made sense.

From what you have said I think you are extremely lucky! Your son, his wife and her family, to their credit, have tried to include you in everything. As for not being in the delivery room - what MIL would be? It's a very intimate and personal thing, I certainly wouldn't want to be sat legs akimbo with anyone but my husband watching - far too embarrassing 😳 . It's just a fact of life that daughters, in the main, are closer to their own mothers than their husband's mother and consequently would want to spend more time with them, it's not a reflection on you at all.

Your relationship with your daughter-in-law will probably never be as close as her relationship with her mum, but it certainly can be very loving.

I am close friends with my daughter-in-law’s parents and we work as a team to support our joint offspring and grandchildren. My daughter-in-law (who is an absolute treasure) loves me dearly, and often tells me so, so take heart - if you can combat your (in my view) unwarranted jealousy there can be a rosy future ahead for you with your family.

eazybee

Stop gushing and confront your unpleasant jealousy.

well said! I agree.

I appreciate everyone's comments. I will point out that I never just show up. I was asked by my son to visit. I keep telling him I don't want to be in the way. He tells me I'm not and he wants me there.

I understand I will never be as close to my DIL as her mother. And I don't want to make it a competition. That's unfair to everyone.

Again, thanks for everyone's comments.

I understand some of how you feel as I too only have boys but it sounds like your D-I-L and her family are doing all they can to keep you included, you really are very lucky!
Whilst I have always been welcome to call in at anytime (always phoned first) I would not have dreamed of calling in every day unless specifically asked too. They need time to bond as a family and if she asks her Mother to call in so be it.
There will be lots of time in the future to create bonds- don’t overstep the mark in these early days, it really isn’t a time to be jealous.

Quite right GSM.

You really do need to pause and count your many blessings. You have no idea how fortunate you are. I pity your daughter in law having these daily visits from you so soon after having her baby. Stop trying to compete with her mother - it’s a contest you can’t win.

Sorry Mum in delivery room !

The maternal GM has been very considerate indeed, you are very fortunate. Of course your DIL wants her Mum - that how it is!! Please count your blessings, you are going to have time taking care of your GC too so will build a close relationship with him . As for feeling left out because you were not in the delivery room - I am speechless ! think MIL was very lucky to be there too. I have daughters each have children, was never asked too be present at delivery and certainly did not expect it. Had I been asked of course I would have been there. So please think hard about your feelings, you have most certainly not been left out . Relax and enjoy being a GM - congratulations!

Dear Daultsmom, take a deep breath and try to calm down.
You never will have the same relationship with your daughter-in-law as her mother does, how could you, you didn't raise her as a child.
But what you will have is your own, unique, relationship with her as the lovely young woman she is now.

You've had a lot of life changes over the last three years and must feel you are on an emotional rollercoaster.
Try and recognise that you are in a good place now with good people in your life.
Time to relax and enjoy this new phase in your life, and remember: being a grandparent is a marathon not a sprint.

Sago is correct......It is NOT a competition.
You were included at the delivery and have been accepted by your DIL family.
Do stop making this a big issue, if your DIL mum gets too overbearing, that is a topic for your DIL to address, not you.
The time will come when you will be babysitting the child so just relax and enjoy the new arrival.
As a footnote.......I can think of nothing worse than having visitors everyday after having a baby.

The fact that you acknowledge your "ridiculous feelings" is a good start. Follow that path.

Stop gushing and confront your unpleasant jealousy.

Wow! You're so lucky Daultsmom. Count your blessings.

Her Mom is there because she wants her Mom, it's an emotional time giving birth and she's only one week postpartum.
Her mom is there for her not just that baby.

I'm not sure how you're being left out, you've been included in everything.

Read your post and take note of the positives some mother in laws don’t get a look in and are not even considered. You are very fortunate so reflect on your words and stop the green horns making you feeling left out. You are not you have all the time in the world to form a beautiful relationship.

You sound very close to your d.i.l. Daultsmom so be thankful for that and for how much you've been involved with your week old grandchild.

A week in, you’ve been every day, were there for the delivery, albeit outside and have been asked to look after your first grandchild and as a family they include you in everything .
Just stop overthinking this.
Just enjoy being a grandmother, it’s not a competition.
I feel for your son and DIL, give them some time alone with their baby, step back and perhaps the other GP will do the same.