New Paternal GP looking for advice

There are so many positives in this post, that I had to read again, to find the negatives.

I think you realise this some of the things you did and are doing, is way beyond what many grandparents get.

I am no expert on posts that say specifically about being a paternal GP.
Fwiw I am both maternal and paternal. But my circumstances are different to normal grandparents, regarding the paternal part. So I will leave others to comment on that.

Your main issue seems to be that your lovely dil is not your daughter. As I am understanding this post.

I think as the mother of a son you’ve been treat very fairly. And as the mother of three sons I’ve never been treat as fairly as you. I just had to get on with it.

Please just stop and draw breath from your post it appears that you son his wife and family have done their very best to include you. It would be in my thoughts very unusual for you to be in the delivery room it’s just too personal usually just the dad. Your DIL wanted her mum there but that was totally her choice.
Of course her mum was with her at home after the birth this again is perfectly natural.
As for her mum undressing the baby to get it to feed again not unusual just a tip from her mother.
Enjoy the time you have with your grandchild it’s not a competition.

A week in, you’ve been every day, were there for the delivery, albeit outside and have been asked to look after your first grandchild and as a family they include you in everything .
Just stop overthinking this.
Just enjoy being a grandmother, it’s not a competition.
I feel for your son and DIL, give them some time alone with their baby, step back and perhaps the other GP will do the same.

You sound very close to your d.i.l. Daultsmom so be thankful for that and for how much you've been involved with your week old grandchild.

Read your post and take note of the positives some mother in laws don’t get a look in and are not even considered. You are very fortunate so reflect on your words and stop the green horns making you feeling left out. You are not you have all the time in the world to form a beautiful relationship.

Her Mom is there because she wants her Mom, it's an emotional time giving birth and she's only one week postpartum.
Her mom is there for her not just that baby.

I'm not sure how you're being left out, you've been included in everything.

Wow! You're so lucky Daultsmom. Count your blessings.

Stop gushing and confront your unpleasant jealousy.

The fact that you acknowledge your "ridiculous feelings" is a good start. Follow that path.

Sago is correct......It is NOT a competition.
You were included at the delivery and have been accepted by your DIL family.
Do stop making this a big issue, if your DIL mum gets too overbearing, that is a topic for your DIL to address, not you.
The time will come when you will be babysitting the child so just relax and enjoy the new arrival.
As a footnote.......I can think of nothing worse than having visitors everyday after having a baby.

Dear Daultsmom, take a deep breath and try to calm down.
You never will have the same relationship with your daughter-in-law as her mother does, how could you, you didn't raise her as a child.
But what you will have is your own, unique, relationship with her as the lovely young woman she is now.

You've had a lot of life changes over the last three years and must feel you are on an emotional rollercoaster.
Try and recognise that you are in a good place now with good people in your life.
Time to relax and enjoy this new phase in your life, and remember: being a grandparent is a marathon not a sprint.

The maternal GM has been very considerate indeed, you are very fortunate. Of course your DIL wants her Mum - that how it is!! Please count your blessings, you are going to have time taking care of your GC too so will build a close relationship with him . As for feeling left out because you were not in the delivery room - I am speechless ! think MIL was very lucky to be there too. I have daughters each have children, was never asked too be present at delivery and certainly did not expect it. Had I been asked of course I would have been there. So please think hard about your feelings, you have most certainly not been left out . Relax and enjoy being a GM - congratulations!

Sorry Mum in delivery room !

You really do need to pause and count your many blessings. You have no idea how fortunate you are. I pity your daughter in law having these daily visits from you so soon after having her baby. Stop trying to compete with her mother - it’s a contest you can’t win.

Quite right GSM.

I understand some of how you feel as I too only have boys but it sounds like your D-I-L and her family are doing all they can to keep you included, you really are very lucky!
Whilst I have always been welcome to call in at anytime (always phoned first) I would not have dreamed of calling in every day unless specifically asked too. They need time to bond as a family and if she asks her Mother to call in so be it.
There will be lots of time in the future to create bonds- don’t overstep the mark in these early days, it really isn’t a time to be jealous.

I appreciate everyone's comments. I will point out that I never just show up. I was asked by my son to visit. I keep telling him I don't want to be in the way. He tells me I'm not and he wants me there.

I understand I will never be as close to my DIL as her mother. And I don't want to make it a competition. That's unfair to everyone.

Again, thanks for everyone's comments.

eazybee

Stop gushing and confront your unpleasant jealousy.

well said! I agree.

Your relationship with your daughter-in-law will probably never be as close as her relationship with her mum, but it certainly can be very loving.

I am close friends with my daughter-in-law’s parents and we work as a team to support our joint offspring and grandchildren. My daughter-in-law (who is an absolute treasure) loves me dearly, and often tells me so, so take heart - if you can combat your (in my view) unwarranted jealousy there can be a rosy future ahead for you with your family.

From what you have said I think you are extremely lucky! Your son, his wife and her family, to their credit, have tried to include you in everything. As for not being in the delivery room - what MIL would be? It's a very intimate and personal thing, I certainly wouldn't want to be sat legs akimbo with anyone but my husband watching - far too embarrassing 😳 . It's just a fact of life that daughters, in the main, are closer to their own mothers than their husband's mother and consequently would want to spend more time with them, it's not a reflection on you at all.

Curlywhirly,
100% understood about delivery room. I've been reflecting on all of the advice/comments that's I've received on this post and I'm beginning to wonder if some of what I'm feeling is a "mourning" if you will, of the relationship that I didn't have with my own mother. My mother adored my son but was very cruel to me throughout my lifetime. I watch how doting her mother is to her and it's bringing out some really weird feelings.
I hope that made sense.

I can't believe this post.. how ungrateful and lacking in insight. You are not your DIL's mother and if you allow the jealousy to continue you will undoubtably cause problems for your future..

I'm beginning to wonder if some of what I'm feeling is a "mourning" if you will, of the relationship that I didn't have with my own mother.

Daultsmom I can sympathise with you there.
It was only after I had my own family, and made friends with other young mums, that I realised not every mother was cross with their children all the time... like my mother was 😕