Hello all, I apologize for this very long post...and for being all over the place in this post...
I became a first time grandmother one week ago today! I never knew all the emotions that would come along with this. My son is an only child. He and I are very close and I need to admit I'm feeling very left out. I adore my DIL. She's lovely! She's a bit shy and I try to respect her boundaries. I believe I may come on strong at times in trying to convey my love for her. I became a widow 3 years ago (son's step-dad)...now dating a nice man that loves my son and DIL.
Her family began inviting me to their get togethers after my husband's passing. I'm so grateful to them all and have told them such. They've accepted my new boyfriend in their get togethers as well...
I love my DIL's mother as well. She's an awesome woman and now here is my dilemma...my DIL and her mother are extremely close (something I never had with my own mother, who's now deceased) I love the fact that my DIL has a great relationship with her mother. The night my grandson was born, her mother and I traveled together to the hospital...a wonderful gesture by her mother. My son and her mother were in the delivery room and I was alone in the waiting room...it was during that time that my emotions began running wild. I was feeling so lonely and left out. I knew ahead of time that I wouldn't be in the delivery room and I thought that I was ok with that...turns out, I wasn't. I cannot tell my son any of this, because I do not want him to know I'm feeling slighted. I absolutely hate that I'm feeling this way...
Her mother came out after the baby was born and allowed me to go into the room and see my new grandson. Her mother really is trying to make me feel special and part of the family and unfortunately the green eyed monster is just filling me...I'm going crazy about this.
My next dilemma came once we were all allowed in the room together the next day to visit. While I was holding the baby, her mother kept touching him. I didn't like that at all, but kept my mouth shut...what can I say? Her mother also found it necessary to touch and stroke the baby while my DIL was trying to nurse him...went as far as to undress him because he kept falling asleep...I found that a rather strange thing to do. She kept saying if she makes him cold, he'll wake up and eat.
Baby is now home and I've been allowed to visit daily...I ask my son and DIL first, if it's ok to come over and again, here's the green eyed monster (which I hate about myself) coming out...every time I've gone over, her mom is already there.
I know I need to get past this, otherwise it will drive a wedge in between us.
It's been established that when my DIL goes back to work, I will be babysit my grandson...my work schedule is such, that I will leave work before my son needs to go to work...so I know I will be able to develop a relationship with my GS. I guess I just am asking for advice on how to deal with the fact that I will never have the close relationship with my DIL that I so want...any advice on how to deal with my ridiculous feelings is much appreciated...
